Monday, June 22, 2015

How To Create the Best Birthday Ever


No it's not.  It's not awesome.  

Summer school is for fools, so I guess that makes me a fool.  I'm about ready to wrap up my one and only summer class, titled Writing in the Sciences.  This class was 100% online, and for the record, writing classes work better when your critic is a human being that you know or have met.  This nebulous on-line professor of mine is mean 'n picky and looks like Severus Snape.  (She doesn't really look like Severus Snape.  I'm just being dramatic.  She's a very nice person, and genuinely cares about her students, but she doesn't appreciate my snarky comments and claims there's no room for them in scientific writing.  Go figure.)

For this class, I had three major writing projects: a research proposal, a documentation "how to"showing how to do something scientific and a research review.  They were not easy.  They were very hard.  However, going to college in this decade is out of control, sick and riduculous.  I am doing all of my scientific research on the couch.  All of it.  Not at the library.  Not with 3x5 cards.  Not with microfiche.  Not with WordPerfect 4.2 on 5 1/4 floppies.  Can you believe that?!  And can you believe how badly I just dated myself?!  I can!  Because I'm about to date myself even more by telling you I turned 43 this weekend. 


It was the best birthday ever.  It topped all birthdays.  So good was this birthday, I felt I needed to pay it forward by letting you in on the recipe for the best birthday ever.  Then you can either a) have a birthday just like it, or b) help someone you know have a birthday just like it.  I also plan to use my new 'n improved scientific writing skills to provide said birthday instructions in the form of a documentation "how to."  Hang on to your hats!  Prepare to be amazed!

How To Create the Best Birthday Ever
In many steps

1. Make Bike Ride Plans In American Fork Canyon

This would include riding this trail called "Joy" the night before with a girl called Hillene.  While driving home, you could dream up an epic tour of American Fork Canyon's best, which goes like this:
  1. Up Mill to the Horse Trough.
  2. Dirt road across for a bit.
  3. Ride Ridge to 4-Way.
  4. Down Joy.  
  5. Up Deer Creek to Summit Parking Lot.
  6. Across Ridge to 4-Way.
  7. Down Tibble Fork.

Here's Hillene, Making Plans

That, is the perfect ride.  I was so excited I couldn't sleep.  

2. Invite Friends

This is the part that is very flexible.  And if you're like me, you begin the inviting at 8:00pm via text message.  This time I conned Spouse and the Biking Borchert Babe. Hillene invited Bry because the wildflowers were out and we needed someone to educate us on their classification.  Last minute, I decided to invite a couple of my crazy neighbors, both of which are scary fast.  Every time I ride with them I'm always in the back crying "Hey... Wait for me!"  I figured that since it was my birthday and because I'm special on this day, they could hang and I would therefore be free from "fat kid in the back" syndrome.  (I hate that.  I'd rather wait for people than be waited on!)

I was wowed by the RSVP of seven whole people.  Seven!  I have Seven Friends!

Here we are.  Note the motorcycle.  It ain't ours.  
It belongs to the friendly gentleman who took this picture.

3. Arrange Transportation to Trailhead

Unless you live in the mountains, getting to the single track requires some vehicular mobility.  Spouse and me both have racks on our vehicles, enough for seven bikes, so that was taken care of.  Also, if you have a truck, get one of these tailgate things.  They have velcro straps that keep the bikes in place and will hold four to seven bikes.  It's magnificent.

4.  Go to Bed, But Don't Sleep Because of Excitement

5.  Bring Bling for the Birthday Babe

Hillene brought bling for my helmet.  It was really silly and made for an excellent day of attention.  Everyone knew it was my birthday and provided well birthday wishings.  Grown men on motorcycles, little girls, middle-aged tree huggers – all were hollering a happy birthday to yours truly.

6.  Drive to Tibble Fork Reservoir

7.  Park and Ride

Complain for the first two miles because Mill Canyon is a beast.  Provide assurance to those who've never seen this beast that the whole ride is not this way. Take pictures, drink water, eat every 45 minutes and enjoy the view!

8.  Stop Periodically and Sing Happy Birthday While Circling

9.  Finish Ride and Admire Map for its Lady Parts Resemblance

10.  Watch Video of Ryan Hall Wishing You a Happy Birthday

Say "What the...? How the...?" over and over while scratching head.  How did this happen?!  I love it!

11. Go for a Boat Ride and Watch Yahoo #1 Wakeboard for First Time

12.  Eat Thai Food and Cookies

13. Read 58 "Happy Birthday" wishes from E-mail, Texts and Facebook Friends.

14.  Feel Loved.

Did all of that really happen?  It sure did. 


Andrea B. said...

Woo-hoo! Sounds like you had a magnificent birthday!