At my house, Spouse has been dubbed the Chairman, President and Head Chief of the budget committee. This is a good thing, because when it comes to money, my beloved 'n betrothed is a champ. He's the Lance Armstrong of financial discipline. Er... well... maybe Lance Armstrong is a bad analogy. Let's go with... Abe Lincoln. Yeah, that's it. Spouse has the financial discipline and integrity of Abraham Lincoln.
Around here, Spouse makes the money rules and I follow them. Often times, when I tell folks that Spouse makes the money rules and I follow them, these folks look at me as if I'm a spineless urchin of a thing who has no say with the money matters, who must also beg and grovel for every nickel and dime. This is not true. I grovel for bigger things, like tens and twentys.
Truth is, the Spouse knows what he's doing when it comes to cash. The other truth is that I'm a wise women who can recognize awesomeness and roll with it. That is why Spouse is Chairman, President and Head Chief of money matters around here.
Case in point: Spouse is against debt at all costs. If you purchase a car, it must be facilitated with cold, hard-earned and surely-saved cash. To adhere to this principal of car collecting, Spouse pays a car payment each month. But instead of paying this car payment after-the-fact, he gets all preemptive and pays the car payment to... wait for it... himself.
After four, five or six years of paying a car payment to himself – collecting interest instead of paying it – he can then find the (somewhat) car of his dreams and slap down a hearty reckoning in ones and fives. (Not really. He uses a cashier's check because, like, the cash is in a bank and not under a mattress, and getting a cashier's check is heckofalot easier than counting ones and fives. Or so I'm told.)
This car payment to yourself business is genius, is it not? It sure is.
Except for when you want a boat.
The first time Spouse and I "hung out," it was on a boat. His boat. He had purchased a boat. (With cash, like you'd even need to ask.) We went out on this boat, and shortly thereafter we went on an actual date. After a year or two of on and off dating we were married, which means his boat was henceforth bound to me in holy matrimony until my death or the boat's bid us part. This boat was fun. It was a boat for wakeboarding, swimming, Lake Powelling, sun soaking, and friend frolicking. It was a great boat.
Here I am, on the boat and eight months preggars with Yahoo #1 and as big as Timpanogos.
We also had motorcycles but that's a story for a different day.
Lookie there... Rabid's got air.
Notice the use of "was" in that there paragraph. As in the use of "was" refers to the past tense existence of said boat. That's right, the boat died. It is no longer, and we have no boat.
Something happened within the last few years, and the price of boats has exponentially exceeded our means. Boats are expensive! Like, price of your first house expensive! Lucky for boat sellers, banks will loan money for these boats. The even greater news, is that you can get a 20 year loan on a boat. Isn't that great?! That's great if you like debt, and want to pay an overpriced amount of interest on an already overpriced boat!
No! That is not great. First rule, from the Chairman of the Budget Committee (Spouse), goes something like this: Don't get a loan for anything unless it's used to purchase a modest dwelling for which you plan to live. In other words, get a loan for your house and that's it.
A while back, Spouse and I had a conversation. It went something like this:
Rabid: "I want a boat. I miss having a boat. We should get a boat. We should take the cash we have saved for my car and buy a boat."
Spouse: "Well... I doubt we have enough saved for a boat. Also, there's the fact that your car is sixteen years old and will need to be replaced at some point."
Rabid: "I don't need a new car."
Spouse: "Are you sure about that?"
Rabid: "Yeah I'm sure. I'll just get it detailed."
One does not consummate the lofty title of Chairman by being suckered into a purchase with flashy terms like "detailed." Spouse cannot, and will not, be suckered. For this I love him dearly.
We still have no boat, though. That's why today's Boat substitute is a Boat Playlist.
If I Had a Boat James Vincent McMorrow
Love Boat The South Bay Groovy System
The Lake South The Dear Hunter
Set The Sails Dan Mangan
The Boat Arrives Danny Elfman
Toyboat, Toyboat, Toyboat O-Positive
Come Sail Away Styx
Where the Boat Leaves From Zac Brown Band
Sailor The Brian Jonestown Massacre
Fire Lake Bob Seger & The Silver Bullet Band
Be the Lake Brad Paisley
Rock The Boat Hues Corporation
The Great Salt Lake Band of Horses
Fast Boat to Sydney Johnny Cash, June Carter
Sail On Sailor The Beach Boys
Twenty Four Hours In Lake of Ice Alaska In Winter
Tchaikovsky: Swan Lake, Op. 20 - Pas D'Action Bavarian Radio Symphony Orchestra
The Sailor The Album Leaf
Come On Down to My Boat Every Mother's Son
Let Me Tell You About My Boat Mark Mothersbaugh
Dreamboat Annie Heart
Boat on the River Styx
The Lake and the River The Dear Hunter
Life Boat Miranda Lee Richards
The Boat Song (We're Getting Loaded) Ike Reilly
Did I miss any? Please do share... boat songs will surely float my boat today.