Tuesday, July 31, 2012

Olympic Advertising


The Olympics are on.  Have you noticed?  And have you noticed the advertising?  I sure have.  Just today, in fact, I was talking to my dad Mikey.  I was telling him that one of the windows in my car won't go up, so maybe it was time to get a new car.

(The last time I thought it was time to get a new car was when the gas cap lost it's attachment.  Now I have to hold the gas cap when I put gas in the tank as opposed to letting the gas cap dangle.  Of all the available inconveniences!  There are none worse!)

"I'm thinking I need a BMW," I said.  Emphasis on need.

"A BMW?  Why a BMW?" said he.

"It's the Olympic Advertising.  They have me convinced I need a BMW.  Their ads are working!"

"Oh!" he replied. "You know who else has adds that are working?"

"No!  Tell me, who?" 

"Fruit of the Loom!"


Monday, July 16, 2012

Pulmonary Health Conference


WARNING!  Some photos in the post are a touch "gross."  If you're sensitive to "gross," you might want to think about closing your browser or hitting that back button.

The Rabid household has been in an abnormal state the last few days – four days to be exact.  Spouse has been attending a Pulmonary Health Conference at the local hospital.  It was a spendy conference, one that doesn't necessarily have a one-fee-fits-all, and, like, we'll be paying for months, but boy did we learn lots!  Let's recap all that Spouse (and I) learned at his Pulmonary Health Conference, shall we?  It'll be fun.


A Pneumothorax is a Collapsed Lung

Medical professionals use fancy words.  Some words are general household fodder, while others are not.  So when you're freaking out about a scapula fracture and two rib fractures, and the medical folks are throwing this news around like a stubbed toe, note that there's more to come.  For example, one might say "there's a pneumothorax in the right lung," while the other might say "oh crap!" which causes the patient and wife to say "what's that?" answered by professionals with "a puncture in the lung that has caused it to collapse" followed by a dry-mouthed and anxious "Seriously?"


Small Chest Tubes are the New Shiny Toy

Evidently there's this new and improved chest tube.  So new, and so improved, that when there's an opportunity to jam this new tube in a chest, ten or more people will gather to watch.  A wife may or may not view the excitement and popularity of this procedure and watch herself.  It's not unlike a meat thermometer in the Turkey-Day turkey.  May or may not be worth watching.

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NPO Means No Food or Drink by Mouth

It's latin, evidently.  Non per os or nil per os.  Also, if the patient is eating breakfast, it's usually best to the tell the patient what it means so he'll stop eating and subsequently NOT delay a life-saving medical procedure any longer than necessary.

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Size Really Does Matter

Contrary to popular belief, size does matters.  As in, a pencil size tube inserted into a chest cavity doesn't really do the trick.  A garden hose, on the other hand, does, so why not just save yourself two holes in the chest and as many procedures by using the big garden hose first.


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"Badness" is a Great Way to Describe Extreme Pain

A favorite anesthesiologist (and I do mean favorite – Rabid runs with his wife) might pull a wife aside and explain that a garden hose has been placed between some broken ribs.  Therefore he'll explain that the patient will feel a lot of "badness" when the anesthesia wears off.  He'll say this "badness" word while making a grimace and running the rubber-gloved hand over the side of his own ribs.  Then he'll give some pointers on staying ahead of the pain.


Pulmonary Health Conferences are Prone to Produce Eye Bags and New Friends


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Rear Ending Your Wife Isn't Always Fun

At least on a bicycle.  It's also important to note that if you enter an intersection, and a car pulls out in front of you, it's usually best to brake real hard to avoid hitting the car.  Usually.  Sometimes though, when you brake to avoid an accident, you can cause another one.   Should have hit the car maybe.  Also, turns out that you forget about acquiring vehicle information when your Spouse is laying in the road and can't breath. 


Lehi City is Bored at 7:30 in the Morning

That's why they send two fire engines, an ambulance, two official SUVs and a police car.  There were eight people too many.  


Our Neighbors, Friends, and Family are Way Helpful and Just as Funny

But that's not new.  Giant thanks to all!

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And Finally, Fun is Dangerous. 

Boo.  (But all is well in Rabid town again, so no worries.  Kind of.)


Monday, July 09, 2012

Boys are Rad


The Yahoos and I spent today (all day, 100 degree heat) in Salt Lake City.  Being as City Creek is the new shiny toy in town, we figured we'd drop by and see what the fuss was about.  There has been some fuss.  As in, Have you been to City Creek?  You must go to City Creek!  It's amazing!  And the roof is retractable!  And the parking is divine!  You'll never be the same! 

Fuss. Fuss. Fuss.

The Rabid Review of City Creek is rather simple: It's just another mall.  In my eyes, if you've seen one mall you've seen most.  There is the exception of The Grove in L.A., however, but I might have been into that one because I was on vacation and I was with someone super fun.  Plus they have a choo-choo and a farmers' market.

Even though City Creek is just another mall, it was still a good little field trip.  While we were there, I proposed some shopping.  "Boys? Would you like to get some clothes?"

They replied in the affirmative and began to look around.  I believe I gave them the option to knock themselves out and go whole hog.  "Get whatever you want!" said I.

"Whatever you want" turned out to be cheap sunglasses and an Angry Birds t-shirt.


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Do you have any idea what this little shopping jaunt would have set me back if my little Yahoos were girls?

Boys are rad.


Thursday, July 05, 2012

Freaky 40 on a Wednesday


Two weeks ago, on a Freaky Wednesday, I turned 40.  The day before this Freaky Wednesday will be  hereto and forever referred to as Terminal Tuesday.  That Tuesday was a terrible, horrible, very bad, no good day.

It started in the morning at 5:15 when Spouse gave me a nudge and said, "Shall we go ride the loop?"

I declined because I was old and out of shape and slow and didn't want a reminder that I was old and out of shape and slow.  The rest of the day moped on and on.  And then it moped on and on some more.  The doom and gloom of turning 40 was on the horizon.

Alas Freaky Wednesday arrived.  And being as I did all of that goofy mourning the day before, this Wednesday was in the clear for getting my freak on.  It started with a six mile run.  Six miles!  (Remember I had been injured for what seemed like years so this was a terrific milestone.)

The day also started with that freak Vera who pronounced this grand birthday to the masses by plastering every mailbox in the hood with a nice photo of yours truly.  She also managed to decorate the yard with pink flamingos and little cardboard cut-outs of  mini me.

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Then there were presents and phone calls and cards and e-mails.  The Rabid family had dinner together then met up with the Bee family for some sugar-coated crushed ice.  It was a terrific day and I've never felt more loved.

Being 40 ain't so bad after all.


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Tuesday, July 03, 2012

50 States! - Tuesday Tune vol 112, 4th of July Edition


I'm super sneaky today.  I totally spaced the Tuesday Tunes.  Rather than skip it altogether, I back-posted it so that maybe all you Tuesday no-checkers wouldn't even notice.  Hah!  So sneaky!  That is until I let you in on the rib.

A couple of years ago Vera sent me a playlist on the Farth of Joo-lie.  This particular playlist was in honor of our great 50 states.  Here's to being an American!  And Vera!


Alabama Train Louisiana Red
Alaska Dr. Dog
Tucson, Arizona (Gazette) Dan Fogelberg
Taylor's Arkansas Charlie Musselwhite
California Dreamin' Mamas and the Papas
Colorado The Vic Willis Trio
Connecticut Adam Freedman
Delaware Dangerous Doug Harper
Georgia On My Mind Louis Armstrong
Florida Mofro
Hawaii Five-O The Ventures
Private Idaho The B-52's
Lookin' Out My Back Door Creedence Clearwater Revival
Goin' Back to Indiana Jackson 5
Iowa Ditch Weed Larry Heagle
Topeka Ludo
New Orleans Ladies Tab Benoit & Louisiana's LeRoux
My Old Kentucky Home Three Dog Night
Maine John Linnell
Please Come to Boston  Dave Loggins
Going To Maryland The Mountain Goats
Detroit City Tom Jones
Minneapolis Polka Ivan Kahle
Montana Dave Stamey
Kansas City Willie Nelson
Down In Mississippi Mavis Staples
(p.s. Me 'n Vera have tickets for Miss Mavis in August!)

Hot Rod Lincoln Commander Cody & His Lost Planet Airmen
40 Miles To Vegas Southern Culture On The Skids
New Hampshire Stanley Brinks
Being From Jersey Means Never Having To Say You're Sorry Cobra Starship
North Carolina Bound (Acoustic Duo) Lil Ed Williams
New Santa Fe Lightnin' Hopkins
Brooklyn Is Burning Head Automatica
Ohio Crosby, Stills, Nash & Young
North Dakota Lyle Lovett
Sweet Rhode Island Red Ike & Tina Turner
Portland, Oregon Loretta Lynn
Philadelphia Freedom Elton John
Oklahoma Blues Patti Page
Washington Square Counting Crows
Texas Chris Rea
Take Me Home, Country Roads John Denver
Sturgis Zwarté
South Carolina Low Country Josh Turner
Salt Lake City The Beach Boys
Moonlight In Vermont  Ella Fitzgerald, Louis Armstrong
Memphis, Tennessee Chuck Berry
Down In Virginia Magic Slim & The Teardrops
Wyoming The Lucksmiths
Highway 51 Blues Bob Dylan