Monday, July 16, 2012

Pulmonary Health Conference


WARNING!  Some photos in the post are a touch "gross."  If you're sensitive to "gross," you might want to think about closing your browser or hitting that back button.

The Rabid household has been in an abnormal state the last few days – four days to be exact.  Spouse has been attending a Pulmonary Health Conference at the local hospital.  It was a spendy conference, one that doesn't necessarily have a one-fee-fits-all, and, like, we'll be paying for months, but boy did we learn lots!  Let's recap all that Spouse (and I) learned at his Pulmonary Health Conference, shall we?  It'll be fun.


A Pneumothorax is a Collapsed Lung

Medical professionals use fancy words.  Some words are general household fodder, while others are not.  So when you're freaking out about a scapula fracture and two rib fractures, and the medical folks are throwing this news around like a stubbed toe, note that there's more to come.  For example, one might say "there's a pneumothorax in the right lung," while the other might say "oh crap!" which causes the patient and wife to say "what's that?" answered by professionals with "a puncture in the lung that has caused it to collapse" followed by a dry-mouthed and anxious "Seriously?"


Small Chest Tubes are the New Shiny Toy

Evidently there's this new and improved chest tube.  So new, and so improved, that when there's an opportunity to jam this new tube in a chest, ten or more people will gather to watch.  A wife may or may not view the excitement and popularity of this procedure and watch herself.  It's not unlike a meat thermometer in the Turkey-Day turkey.  May or may not be worth watching.

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NPO Means No Food or Drink by Mouth

It's latin, evidently.  Non per os or nil per os.  Also, if the patient is eating breakfast, it's usually best to the tell the patient what it means so he'll stop eating and subsequently NOT delay a life-saving medical procedure any longer than necessary.

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Size Really Does Matter

Contrary to popular belief, size does matters.  As in, a pencil size tube inserted into a chest cavity doesn't really do the trick.  A garden hose, on the other hand, does, so why not just save yourself two holes in the chest and as many procedures by using the big garden hose first.


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"Badness" is a Great Way to Describe Extreme Pain

A favorite anesthesiologist (and I do mean favorite – Rabid runs with his wife) might pull a wife aside and explain that a garden hose has been placed between some broken ribs.  Therefore he'll explain that the patient will feel a lot of "badness" when the anesthesia wears off.  He'll say this "badness" word while making a grimace and running the rubber-gloved hand over the side of his own ribs.  Then he'll give some pointers on staying ahead of the pain.


Pulmonary Health Conferences are Prone to Produce Eye Bags and New Friends


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Rear Ending Your Wife Isn't Always Fun

At least on a bicycle.  It's also important to note that if you enter an intersection, and a car pulls out in front of you, it's usually best to brake real hard to avoid hitting the car.  Usually.  Sometimes though, when you brake to avoid an accident, you can cause another one.   Should have hit the car maybe.  Also, turns out that you forget about acquiring vehicle information when your Spouse is laying in the road and can't breath. 


Lehi City is Bored at 7:30 in the Morning

That's why they send two fire engines, an ambulance, two official SUVs and a police car.  There were eight people too many.  


Our Neighbors, Friends, and Family are Way Helpful and Just as Funny

But that's not new.  Giant thanks to all!

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And Finally, Fun is Dangerous. 

Boo.  (But all is well in Rabid town again, so no worries.  Kind of.)


8 comments:

Jenn said...

Holy crap!!

rabidrunner said...

What the heck are you doing away? Isn't it like 4:30 in the morning?

rabidrunner said...

Awake, not away. Dang.

rabidrunner said...

I've done my homework. It's 6:41. Maybe not so early.

whitneyingram said...

Fun fact: My dad did something quite similar. Crashed his bicycle and ended up with a few broken ribs and a collapsed lung. It was a few days before Caitlyn's wedding and during he whole day, he was hopped up on pain meds and quite uncomfortable.

Tia said...

I had no idea that your world had been turned upside-down. You have now officially had your share of woes. If hosting the Gem Party proves too stressful, just say uncle. For real. I am really getting into the biking thing but here is evidence that it does have its drawbacks....like potential crashes. See, with running, one can sprain an ankle or get hit by a car, but there is less distance to travel before hitting the road. Right? Asking for reassurance here.

rabidrunner said...

Tia, the Gem Gathering shall commence as scheduled! Party, party, par-tay!

megan said...

Speechless. Love the "take" on it...but still speechless :(