Thursday, May 10, 2012

Midlife Crisis, Version 2.0

In 40 days, I'll be 40.

Just 40 days ago, I was welcoming this 40-year milestone, for 40 days ago I was in (close to) the best shape of my life.  Just 40 days ago, I was welcoming this milestone.  So I'm turning 40... no big deal!

Due to my current injury, however, I've watched a best-shape-of-my-life-atrophy turn this 40 year birthday into a very big deal.

So big is my new deal with turning 40 that I've pulled out the midlife crisis.  Many years ago I planned my midlife.  True story.  I can be a planner.  After becoming the first-hand witness to many midlifes, I decided it was time to prepare a midlife plan of my own – you know, so as not to do anything stupid.

I remember the makings of this plan clearly.  And I remember weighing all of the possible options.  Should I buy a new car?  Nah.  Cars are the opposite of progress, and you, Rabid, are not a sink-a-ton-of-money-into-something-that-doesn't-progress kind of gal.  Have an affair?  Eee gads no, too messy.  Change careers?  Prolly not, for the anticipated career was that of "mom," and ditching that career would not be considered a meager midlife. Run a marathon?  Done that.  Learn to paint?  Nope, can't sit still for that.  Go to India for some eat, pray, 'n love?  Done that too.

After scrupulously mulling over the available options, I decided on the midlife plan called "Tennis," or Version 1.0, whereby I'd learn to play tennis.  This midlife plan also served as a warning of sorts, for all would know that the midlife had landed whence I bought a racket.

At the time, I hadn't considered an injury-induced midlife (as if!) or even an injury that would put me in a stinky boot.  Naturally, Midlife version 1.0, "Tennis," seemed the obvious choice.  Obvious, that is, until I found myself turning 40 and injured.  I'm in the eye of a perfect midlife storm and cannot draw upon the midlife plan.


So what did I do?  To start this mid-life crisis?  Buy a car?  Nah, still the opposite of progress.  Have an affair?  Hell no.  Change careers?  Nope, still a mom.  Run a marathon?  Snooze.  Everyone's doing that.  What shall be my Midlife, Version 2.0?

I'll tell you what Midlife 2.0 shall be.  Piano Lessons.  Started yesterday.

No one expects the Midlife Piano Lessons!  Take that!  Midlife!  You vacuous, toffy-nosed, malodorous pervert! Stab you with the square pillows!  I curtailed my Walpoling activities, sallied forth, and infiltrated your place of purveyance to negotiate the vending of some cheesy comestibles!

I also plan to watch every last episode of the Flying Circus.

(Which means it's time to say... "And now for something completely different.")


Julia said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Julia said...

Piano lessons seems a very wise and benign choice. I am proud. Within the last year, my brother in law did most of the things you already shot down. Incidentally, life isn't super happy for him right now. Here's to real progress!

Winder said...

FYI -- Your out of shape almost 40 body is still in better shape than this 36 year old has been!

Midlife, Ha! We will be taking tennis lessons when you are turning 50 just you wait and see.