Friends, Mormons, and Fellow Nutjobs.... I haven't been running in a month.
Being injured was somewhat fun for the first two weeks. I took it easy, I shellacked and chilled. I was pleasant and patient, then patient and pleasant. But then, when the two weeks were up, and I went out for a casual stroll, I was stopped in my tracks after one very short, very slow mile, then had to walk home. I cried real tears. (But don't tell anyone 'cause, like, no one really knows about my giant inner-baby.)
After a good cry, I vowed to take yet another week off. This week was different, however, because I had plans to add some Physical Therapy to the mix. Some heat, some ultrasound, some astym, some stretching. Last Thursday, the therapist gave strict instructions: Run one half mile. Only one half mile. No more. Even if you feel good. I made it an entire 1/2 mile without any pain. Things were looking up!
Today, the plan was to up it a mile, for a total of 1.5. Let's just ease into this running thing, shall we? Okay! This morning, I jumped on a dreadmill, with high-1.5-mile hopes – hopes that would be smashed into oblivion after exactly .49 of a mile. A globule of pain lodged itself on the inner side of my left soleus, drew itself into a ball of NO WAY! and gave the achilles a nice, solid tug.
And now I'm back to the square I was at four weeks ago. Yay. I'm turning into a giant nay-saying ninny. I'm wondering if I'll ever run again. I'm wondering if my favorite tool for managing the game of "life" is going away for good. I'm trying to stay positive. Honest. But it's just... it just... it's just... heart breaking.
Today, I had physical therapy planned. He asked how things were going. I became a begging mess... "Please!" I said, "Give me a stress fracture instead! I can do a stress fracture. I cannot do this!"
So, here I am, in a new position where I must reinvent all sorts of things.
I have to reinvent exercise. The elliptical is a bad, bad, boring thing, cross-country skiing is wonderful, but, like I have three hours a day to do that. Biking is great too, but again, a time sucker.
I have to reinvent my social life. I haven't seen most of my running buddies in a month. We meet early in the morning... that was the only time we had together. Now that I can't keep up, my social life is missing in action.
I have to reinvent fun. Good grief how will I do that? Take up scrapbooking? Again? Please say it won't happen. PLEASE! Also, cleaning the house is not an option, so don't tell me about how my house can get clean now because I'm going to use all that extra energy cleaning it.
I have to reinvent passion. I'm all sorts of passionate about running. I love to feel my heart beat and my lungs breath. I am soothed by the sound of my feet pounding pavement. What, pray tell, will replace this passion?
I have to reinvent my self concept. I like food. A lot. There is no other exercise around that will allow me to eat the way I want and still fit into my current attire. Perhaps it's time I become acquainted with, and like, more of me?
Do you see the trouble with this reinvention stuff? I'm no inventor. I test software for crying-out-loud. I point out engineering problems and say, "You better fix this before a customer comes hollering."
I do, however, take comfort in the fact that I have some great friends. Friends who understand. Like today, Megan added some consolation in an e-mail. "Oh, and you not being able to run? For a month? Are we at war with Canada yet? 'Cause that's some serious shit."
I also take comfort in the fact that, sometimes, I get to come up with solutions at work; solutions that will keep the hollering customer to a minimum. It's not true reinvention, but creating a solution can be a close second.
I also, also take comfort in the fact that no one reads this blog any more. For here lies extra proof that I'm a pathetic mess!
Today I shall wallow in my own self-pity. After today it will stop. Tomorrow I shall be grateful 'n stuff, and will find some solutions. Just watch.
(If you feel up to it, you could provide some of your own solutions, solutions you might have discovered when you found yourself in a similar injury-laden boat.)