Friday, November 18, 2011

Breaking Ground

I just watched a clip from that new Twilight treat (um, yeah, you caught the sarcasm in the use of that word treat.)  Honestly, I cannot take any more of this Twilight stuff.  It is so cheesy – and not the good kind of cheesy like the Carpenters.  (For the record, The Carpenters are still my favorite kind of cheese.)

I saw the first movie and couldn't cope with the discomfort.  It made me so uncomfortable.  Like, remember in high school?  When you were at a rowdy party and stumbled into the wrong room only to see the wrong stuff?  Then you closed the door and felt icky, 'cause, like the lighting is so not right?  And they're just kids?! Yes, that's the discomfort I'm talking about.

I read the books and they were okay at best.  The movies?  NOT OKAY.  Far from okay.  (But that's just my opinion, you can dig them from here until all infinity and I'd still call you friend – but only if you had other interests.)

The clip I watched just now had some redeeming qualities, however. The uber funny Ellen had a supporting role.  Watch it, then come back to me.

What did you think?  Ellen is funny, yes?  But Belle and Edwardo? Discomfort!  Belle says, "How many days since the Wedding?!" followed by "I'm late!" and he behaves like a know-nuthin'-bout-the-birds-n-bees doofus.  Give me a break Edward, you've been stuck at 19 for a hundred years, obviously you know what she's talking about.


Many years ago, I decided I wouldn't see any more Twilight movies because of the discomfort.

This morning during the run, one of the girls mentioned that she had been invited last minute to see the movie.  (Not at midnight, she had to clarify that she wouldn't go at midnight else she'd miss the morning run at 5:30.)

This friend – you might know her around here as the Olympic Hopedful from this post and this other post – affirmed the above mentioned accusations.

"How was it?" said we.  (Where "it" refers to Breaking Dawn, and Part I no less.)

"Bad"  said she.  (Means Part II will prolly be worse than bad.)

"What about the Cullen house?  Was the house in it?"  said me.

"Oh!  There was lots of the house!"  said she.  (We both have a mad crush on that house.)

"Well then, maybe I'll see it for the house.  That house does something to me.  Forget about Jacob without a shirt.  Show me the house."

So, I guess I'll see the movie.  But only when it comes out on video so that I can fast-forward through all of the icky Edward-and-Bella-constipated-and-staring parts.  Come to think of it, why doesn't someone just come up with a Breaking Ground movie, and build a Cullen replica?  Now there's something I'd go see at midnight.


Winder said...

Um... He is 17, duh.

I also have housegasims over that thing.

Blackdog said...

The Mommies grossed me out prior to the last movie. You know the ones. Middle aged women screaming for Jacob and Edward. Someone should call the police.

Jenn said...

I am flummoxed by the success of this franchise...books and movies...among grown women. It's creepy and a bit sad. On a brighter note, we finally got 'round to watching The Brother's Grimm last night, at your suggestion. It was delightful! I'm sure the lie-berry will be glad to have it back, after lo, these many weeks (I got it when you made that post).