Thursday, September 08, 2011


Why on earth do we humans insist on criticizing?  I mean, really.  Do we (and by we, I also mean "I") need to criticize even a small percentage of what we criticize?

I was reading my good friend's blog just now, and she mentioned that she wasn't into potty training her kid, and that she was going to put it off; refuses to think about it.  After proclaiming her postpone-the-potty-training plans, she said, "Go ahead and criticize, I don't care."

This made me so sad.  I'm sad that my friend is not going to potty train her boy right now.  This boy deserves to be potty trained RIGHT NOW.  If he's not potty trained RIGHT NOW, he won't get into Harvard, or The BYU, or USC (wear go Trojans!)  His IQ will suffer, he'll have no self esteem, and he'll be called on a state-side mission (as opposed to somewhere exotic like Brazil.)

I'm totally kidding.  Do I need to say that I'm totally kidding?  Prolly not, but since irony is lost in the blogging world, and every thought must be spelled out in its entirety, I'll tell you I'm kidding, just to be safe.  (And since we're spelling stuff out, don't throw daggers at me over the state-side mission thing – that was supposed to be funny.  Also Spouse served a state-side mission and I married him anyway.  It was a small sacrifice but I am able to endure it.)*

I say waiting to potty train is a great idea.  Kids go dukey in the proper receptacle when they're good 'n ready – and not a day before.  You try – emphasis on try – to potty train too early and it will take you three times as long.  Trust me.  I know this to be true.  I've got a two-year scar.  That's 24 months.  Half of the poor kid's lifetime.

Even though I'm kidding about the above mentioned criticism, I am not kidding about the being sad part.  I'm sad that we feel the need to criticize each other.  Seriously, why?  You've heard it, I've heard it.  She made that "go ahead criticize, I don't care" comment because people actually criticize.  People criticize everything...  walking, exercise (not enough, too much), clothing (too big, too small, too revealing, too tacky), yard work (or lack thereof),  cleanliness (too clean, too dirty), discipline and styles, weight (too fat, too thin, too soft, too hard – no one is ever just right,) money (spending habits, etc.), on and on and on and on...

Potty training, among various other "accomplishments," has somehow become a direct reflection of one's parenting prowess.  "My Johnny was potty trained at eighteen months." Is often trumped by, "Well that's nothing.  My Sally was born potty trained."  Bee.  Eff.  Dee.   No one cares how old Steve Jobs was when he was potty trained.

Bottom line? It's time for me** (us, you, Katy Couric) to discontinue oxygen waste via criticism.  ALL criticism is taken out of context.  And if you need to criticize in order to feel superior in some way, come on over!  We do everything wrong around here.  You'll be feeling like King Tut in no time.

* A few notes on my state-side mission joke:  My current religious persuasion asks young men to serve two-year missions spreading The Good Word.  Many do, but it is not a requirement.  Some are called to serve in the United States while others are called to other places around the world.  The culture I'm surrounded by has this ridiculous notion that being called in the United States, or as we say "state-side," is not as cool as being called elsewhere.  For the record, I feel all missions are equally cool.

** I have been known to criticize here.  However, most*** criticism is directly related to those who take money for a good or service.  If you're providing a service, and someone is paying money for said service, I expect the good or service to be as advertised.  If it does not, then I'll criticize.  (For example, Sexy Modest, or that one magazine that features, and is read only by, those who might make a point of criticizing others' potty training skills.)

***I just remembered a few times where I've criticized.  I'm going to do better.  And if you're criticizing to be funny, that's an entirely different matter altogether.


StupidBike said...

your rong.

Sparks said...

If Rabid's rong, I don't wanna be rite.

rabidrunner said...

... And we have our first King Tut!

(By the way, I already tole you we do everything rong.)

Winder said...

Thanks and I am not even the one who wrote the blog. The potty training things is my nightmare.

tom lindsey said...

Remember those Candys you were so critical of?

They are great; so great I probably could have finished the PCP2P with one leg tied behind my back.


megan said...

absolutely hilarious. I guess I'll wait to post about Ella potty training herself right? but then I'd be lying since I still have to put her on and take her off!! :)