There's sadness around these parts. There's tears, and sorrows, and dread, and pain, and depression, and suffering, and distress, and heartache, and mourning, and lamenting (not to be confused with lactating), and melancholy, and dolor, and agony, and tribulation, and weeping. Basically all the synonyms for "woe" are happening around here. Woe. Is. Me.
You deserve to know the dialectics for my dire despondency, in addition to the duration of its distress. You deserve that much. And as hard as it might be, I'll do my best between sobs to tell you all about it.
This story began many years ago, around about the time I calfed my first. That first calf was Yahoo #1. Being as children these days require the highest of maintenance, I quit The Job so as to take care of these children who are high maintenance. This job that I quit, was a job I enjoyed – a job with pay, a job that rained ratifying remarks of recognition, a job that needed capital reference, hence the capitals in The Job. Quitting The Job was a tough decision; the most difficult of decisions to date (aside from what I was going to wear to last year's St. George Marathon, but that came later. Thank goodness!)
As most women know, quitting a job or The Job (in my case) is quite the adjustment. Prolly The Adjustment, but that depends on the dens of life in which you are thrown. Quitting a full time job to take care of children is sometimes such a big deal that it causes some women to short-circuit. Some (only some) women end up with a rowdy case of Stay-At-Home-Momitis.
I ended up with a rowdy case of Stay-At-Home-Momitis. (Sounds bad, doesn't it? It is! It's the worst itis of all the itises.)
In July of 2002, I found that all of this Stay-At-Home-Momitis could be soothed quite nicely. It only required the most expensive of cable programming and six hours a day for most of July. Each year. This soother of all soothers is known as The Tour de France. July 2002 was when I began arm-chair-racing The Tour de France.
Oh, how the Tour de France soothed! It gave us homebody-mommies something to look forward to each year. Something to watch as we went about the many repetitive tasks required to raise kids and other stuff. Watching the Tour de France was my new "thing." It has also been a periodical "thing" on this, the rabidrunner blog.
For example, in May of 2007, I wrote about Giraffe Money, and how if I had this Giraffe Money, I'd "follow the Tour de France. (As opposed to listening to the comments of Al Trautwig and Bob Roll and Phil Ligget and Mark what’s his name)."
And then in July of that same year, I yakked about Nicolas Sarkozy, and mentioned that "I only follow French politics when they involve running or the Tour de France (Viva le Tour! Dull mornings no more! By the way, you can watch the tour live EVERY MORNING on the channel called VS which is 151 if you have dish network. If you have direct TV or one of those other two-bit operations, I cannot help you)." I was super helpful that year, yes?
On July 30, 2007, we talked about P.T.D.F.D or Post Tour de France Depression. It's really real! Don't laugh. But the Tour is not for everyone, on March 9, 2008, we talked about how Vera thinks watching the Tour de France is "the dumbest worstest waste of time ever," but we're friends anyways, 'cause friends do that disagree thing from time to time. At least good friends do.
During the 2008 tour, Spouse was still in that one chair with wheels (aka The Chair,) due to a couple of crushed calcaneuses. We were homebound that summer because of some limited mobility, but that didn't matter. We had Le Tour! That year's Tour was one of 10 Reasons To Celebrate.
The 2009 Tour brought the Poka Dot Whore ('cause I wanted one of those polka dot dresses that the presenters for Most Mountain Minims wear, and was willing to, uh... you know... trade homemade bread or something for one.) The 2009 year was also the year I confessed our Fourth of July sacrilege. I announced that we usually spend the entire holiday watching cyclists in France. Megan called me a filthy frog, and sent me France's national anthem through iTunes.
The 2010 Tour was documented best. First, I declared my official love for the Schlecks, (Andy in particular because I love the letter "A.") Many can recall that this was the year that I decided that the Schleck boys would marry my daughters. Then Sweet Andy had a mechanical which caused a cute little cat fight between Paul and Phil. When the tour ended, I devoted an entire post to the happenings of that year. This, of course, included a grand ol' slobbering over Fabian's legs. Friends... Fabian is the new Fabulous. Too bad I don't have a third daughter.
Finally, we shall get to the Woe. Is. Me. part, which I prefer to call Tour de POOR ME!
There is no Tour for me this year because we turned off the cable programming. Why did we do this? Because we don't really watch TV anymore. (Insert brazen, self-righteous, we're too-good-for-TV tone here.) Think of all the books, (music, hats, running shoes) that we could buy with that $100 each month! It was a great idea back then. Now? Notsomuch.
So, in honor of Tour de POOR ME!, I have created a playlist of sad songs and called it Tour de POOR ME! I'm going to listen to that playlist over and over until the end of July, or until someone buys me some cable TV.
With all the sadness of Arnold's lamentation of the women, I longingly present Tour de POOR ME!, in all of it's half-assed grandeur (no linkage 'cause I gotta go cook dinner now. 'Member? Kids are high maintenance and require dinner. WTF?! Why didn't anyone tell me that kids would need dinner every day?! Every! Day! And sometimes even lunch!)
p.s. If you have a song to add, please do! I got loads of cash to spend on music now that we don't spend loads of cash on cable TV.
My Life Is Totally Boring Without You - Cracker
Hey Jude - The Beatles
Hold On - Kansas
Girl Of Mysterious Sorrow - Marc Cohn
Mad World (World Remix) - Tears for Fears
Don't Crash The Ambulance - Mark Knopfler
Little One -Beck
Bringin' on the Heartbreak - Def Leppard
Guess I'm Doing Fine - Beck
Trouble In Here - Howie Day
Hurt - Johnny Cash
Please, Please, Please, Let Me Get What I Want - The Smiths
Cat's In the Cradle - Harry Chapin
Nobody's Fault But My Own - Beck
Pleasure And Pain - Ben Harper
Slow Dancing In A Burning Room - John Mayer
I'm Lonely (But I Ain't That Lonely Yet) - The White Stripes
Long, Long, Long - The Beatles
Down In A Hole - Alice In Chains
Cry Baby Cry - The Beatles
I Am A Man Of Constant Sorrow - The Soggy Bottom Boys
Is There Anybody Out There? - Pink Floyd
Trampled Rose - Robert Plant Alison Krauss
Polly Come Home - Robert Plant Alison Krauss
Edie (Ciao Baby) - The Cult
Country Sad Ballad Man - Blur
Sad Songs (Say So Much) - Elton John
Wake Up Alone - Amy Winehouse
One Of The Few - Pink Floyd
Grey In L.A. - Loudon Wainwright III
Tears In Heaven - Eric Clapton
Somebody's Crying - Chris Isaak
Already Dead - Beck
No One's Gonna Love You - Band of Horses
In Repair - John Mayer
Mista Mista - The Fugees
I'm So Lonesome I Could Cry - Johnny Cash
The Homeless and the Hummingbirds - Alaska In Winter
Everybody Hurts - R.E.M.
All I Could Do Is Cry - Etta James
Miss You In A Heartbeat (Acoustic Version) - Def Leppard
That Year - Brandi Carlile
Lonely Nights - Chris Isaak
For All Tomorrow's Lies - Berlin
The Rainbow Connection - Sarah McLachlan
End Of The Day - Beck
Doesn't Remind Me - Audioslave
Do You Really Want To Hurt Me - Culture Club
Mr Blue - Yaz
Don't Get So Down On Yourself - Chris Isaak
Sad Songs And Waltzes - Cake
Tearing In My Heart - Sunny Day Real Estate
Trouble - Coldplay
Lonesome Tears - Beck
Shake The Disease - Depeche Mode
Lightning Crashes - Live
Only the Lonely - The Motels
Cry Cry Cry - Johnny Cash
Lost Cause - Beck
Ocean Rain - Echo & The Bunnymen
I Will Follow You Into The Dark - Death Cab for Cutie
Comfortably Numb - Pink Floyd
Wish You Were Here - Pink Floyd
Cry For Freedom - White Lion
Side Of The Road - Beck
I Grieve - Peter Gabriel
Paper - Tiger Beck
The Tracks of My Tears - Smokey Robinson & the Miracles
Candy Says - The Velvet Underground
Die - Iron and Wine
Bleeding Heart Graffitti - The Cult
Fire And Rain - James Taylor
The Funeral - Band of Horses
Someday Never Comes - Brandi Carlile
The Winner Takes It All - ABBA
No Woman, No Cry - The Fugees
Pavement Cracks Annie Lennox
I Can't - Ben Sollee
Wind Of Change - Scorpions
I'm So Tired - The Beatles
Hello Goodbye - The Beatles
Crash Course - Crash Test Dummies
Landslide - Smashing Pumpkins
Suffer the Children - Tears for Fears
Road To Nowhere - Ozzy Osbourne
Dear Prudence - The Beatles
Round The Bend - Beck
The Final Cut - Pink Floyd
Behind Blue Eyes - The Who
Up In Arms - Aslan
While My Guitar Gently Weeps - The Beatles
Bridge Over Troubled Water - Johnny Cash
Awful Sad - Jenny Scheinman
Yesterday's Mistake - Oi Va Voi
Dreaming With A Broken Heart - John Mayer
It's Been Awhile - Staind
Teardrop - Massive Attack
Dead and Done - obby Long
Don't Leave Me Now - Pink Floyd
Close Your Eyes-We Are Blind - Alaska In Winter
Mayonaise - Smashing Pumpkins
It's All In Your Mind - Beck
Sunday Sun - Beck
Heal the Pain - George Michael
This Train Don't Stop There Anymore - Elton John
Hey You - Pink Floyd
You Know I'm No Good - Amy Winehouse
Double Trouble (Alternate) - Muddy Waters
Dancing With Tears In My Eyes - Ultravox
Without You - Nilsson
There Is A Light That Never Goes Out - The Smiths