Thursday, July 28, 2011

A Story Without a Point (Or Get Your Techy-Wear Wash at Trek!)

I'm out of techy-wear laundry soap and haven't done any techy-wear laundry for almost two weeks.  New to this techy-wear laundry soap business?  Still washing your techy-wear in tide?  Does it stink more after washing than it did when you finished using and abusing it?  Does your room reek of used-but-washed techy-wear?  Let me help you with that.

Here's the deal with techy-wear:  You pay a fair amount of cash for this techy-wear, and even more if it's attractive techy-wear, so why not take care of it?  Wash it in cold water with a techy-wear wash, then hang-to-dry.  Easy as pie.*

*Oh and here comes a tangent.  Since when did pie become easy?  Good pie, that is.  Why do they say "easy as pie?"  Pie is not easy.  I made four pies Monday, and it was far from easy.  Worth it?  Of course.  Easy?  No way.  Washing techy-wear is easier than pie.

My favorite techy-wear laundry soap is ProWash.  Comes in a pouch, works nicely, is relatively inexpensive, and until recently, was carried at the local grocery store.


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My next favorite is Sport Wash.  Sport Wash costs more and is carried at a few specialty places here and there.  In the past I have ordered it from my favorite online running store, Running Warehouse.


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I don't know of a third option, and therefore I do not have a third favorite.  This is where you tell me about some up-and-at-'em techy-wear wash that I need to try today.  Or not.  Whatever.

As was mentioned earlier, the local grocery store quit carrying the ProWash variety of techy-wear wash.  As is natural for people like me, I stopped at the store's service station to fill out one of those can-you-carry? cards.  This store's can-you-carry? card asked for my phone number.  In most circumstances, I cease to include the correct contact info.  My mobile phone, or home phone, or any other phone, is not available for any sort of harassment. My mobile phone, and home phone, and other phones, are at my disposal for discussing stuff I want to discuss.  Therefore, I generally discompose my digits when somebody asks for 'em.  (I know what you're thinking.  And the answer is "No.  I didn't date much.")

The store wants my phone number.  This left me at an impasse.  I don't want to give them my phone number, but I want ProWash.  They might have ProWash.  They might be able to phone me when they get ProWash.

I gave them my correct phone number, then traveled home to trusty ol' Amazon to order some ProWash.  I ordered three pouches.  I have yet to be charged for these pouches, and I have yet to receive them.  Yesterday, the puzzle all came together.  The grocery store called to inform that ProWash had been "discontinued by the manufacturer."

Bummer.  Or in this case, stinky bummer.

And now... finally... the point of my story.  If there is one.  Actually, there is no point...

Last night the family was out.  We were in the same area as the Trek dealership, so I hollered at Spouse to stop at the Trek store for some Sport Wash.  (I don't have to "holler" at Spouse to stop at a bike shop, like, ever, so it wasn't a literal hollering, I just like the word "holler" in all of its forms.)

We walked into the store, I picked up the Sport Wash, and I paid for the Sport Wash.  While going about my business, Spouse found the road bikes (he's on a road-bike kick right now.  Happens periodically.)  I stumbled upon Spouse as he was fondling a fancy shmancy Trek Madone with a carbon frame.

"Pick up this bike."  He says.  Which always means, "Wow.  Can you believe how light this bike is?  I can lift it with my left nipple."

To humor him, I picked up the bike.  "Ah.  That's HEAVY!"  I said, all loud-like.

After calling this carbon-framed Trek Madone "heavy," I looked up at the salesperson to make sure he was listening, and you know, see if he caught my joke.

He did not catch my joke.  He marched over, complete with puffy chest, and commanded, "How much does YOUR bike weigh."  Notice that there isn't a question mark.  It wasn't a question, it was a commandment.  (Thy bike shalt not weigh less than a Trek Madone! In carbon!)


"Dude.  I'm just here for some Sport Wash.  And the Spouse is here for the jollies he gets from fondling something he cannot have."  (I didn't really say that, but you knew as much, right?  I just told the guy that I had a mountain bike, which is an implied no contest.)

There you have it – my Story Without a Point.  However, this whole carbon-framed techy-wash field trip got me thinking.  Ready?  We should make techy-wear out of carbon.  Think how light and fast carbon techy-wear will make us!

Also, no one ever gets my jokes.  Maybe I'm not funny.


12 comments:

StupidBike said...

Though shalt not buy a trek madone. no amount of bike wash can clean the stench off of them or the peacock sales person.

StupidBike said...

or pro wash.

radracer said...

So this explains why Amazon has not shipped my ProWash and the accompanying Camelbak hardware that I thought I needed for Leadville but really I don't because I found some spare hardware in a box in the bottom of the coat closet. I wonder how long before they figure it out.

Jessica said...

Thank you, thank you, thank you for this post. I thank you. My husband thanks you. My very stinky laundry closet thanks you.

Jenn said...

I totally get your jokes. But I'm not funny.

I tried and was disappointed in this Sport Wash of which you speak, especially for the price. I soak in white vinegar every few loads now, which does a dandy job. Soak the clothes, I mean, not myself. Although...?

rabidrunner said...

StupidBike - A Madone is not even among the top five. So rest assured, this family will not have a Trek Madone.

Rad - Yes, the Pro Wash appears to be "no longer." Time to switch to Sport Wash or, as Jenn has said, vinegar.

Jessica - Hope it works for you, if not try what Jenn did - a vinegar soak.

Jenn - I think you're onto something. Soak ourselves in vinegar. I love vinegar, this would be fun. Plus, you know, one could skip the summer's eve.

dug said...

did you lift the bike with your left nipple?

rabidrunner said...

I didn't lift the bike with my left nipple. Mine are too wimpy. Spouse could. He's got hunky nipples.

Jenn said...

Hunky Nipples would be an AWESOME band name.

radracer said...

The following items have been shipped to you by Amazon.com:
--------------------------------------------------------------------
Qty Item Price Shipped Subtotal

--------------------------------------------------------------------

Amazon.com items (Sold by Amazon.com LLC):

1 Prowash Activewear 2X Liqu... $13.77 1 $13.77

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