Monday, June 20, 2011

Bacon Day

Around here, Father's Day is synonymous with Bacon, so we call it Bacon Day.  Spouse loves bacon.  The Yahoos love bacon.  It's also a day in which I'm reminded that should we come upon a rock and a hard place, and the family must choose between keeping me or having their bacon, that choice would be a difficult one.

I can hear the inner-dialog now.  Mom's good at laundry, and shopping, and putting meals on the table.  She makes us put the laundry and groceries away, however.  And after we eat, she barks at us to clean up our dishes.   But... she also kisses our boo-boos, makes our beds sometimes, and cleans the house.  On the flip side of that one, though, she also cleans out our boo-boos and that hurts and sometimes we dramatically cry about how neosporin stings when it really doesn't.  In regards to the making the bed thing, she only does that sometimes.  The other times she makes us do it ourselves!  Of all the nerve!  And, like, the house isn't cleaned all that much or often.  It's a pig sty most of the time, which would be okay if that pig sty included bacon.  She has been known to play with us here and there, or read to us, or help us with our school work.  But that's only sometimes.  She won't even play Minecraft with us.  


Now bacon... bacon...?  Bacon... is nothing but good.  Plus it never barks at us.

Do you see what I have to compete with around here?  My boys (Spouse is included when I say "boys") love their bacon.  And that's why we celebrate with at least two pounds of the greasy goo each and every Father's Day.

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While we made breakfast for Spouse, I asked the Yahoos a series of survival-related questions.  You know, the question where you say, "If you could only have one food... what would it be?"  Or, "If you were stranded on a deserted island with only one food to eat, what would it be?"  You can guess rather accurately how the Yahoos responded to this only-one-food question.  They said "bacon." Immediately, and without thought.

Why stop there?  Let's see how far this love of bacon can fly.

Me:  If you could only have one toy, what would it be?
Yahoos:  That one picnic toy.  It has play bacon in it.

Me:  If you could only have one beverage, what would you pick?
Yahoos: Hot bacon grease.  Sucked through a thick straw.

Me:  What's your favorite movie?
Yahoos:  It's a toss-up between Porkies 1 and Porkies 2.

Me:  If you were stranded on a deserted island, and could only listen to one album, what would it be?
Yahoos:  Getting There by the Bacon Brothers.

Me:  If you could live anywhere in the world.  Where would it be?
Yahoos:  Canada.  They make Canadian Bacon.

Me: And clothing?  What item of clothing would you keep?
Yahoos:  I'd make a bacon shirt.  Just like Lady Gaga.  That way I could eat my clothes when I get hungry.

Me: Who's your favorite actor?
Yahoos: Kevin Bacon... that's the reason everyone is only separated from him by six degrees.  It's the bacon.  Bacon brings people together.

Me: What kind of pet you would have, if you could have any pet?
Yahoos:  Duh...!  Pig.  We could fatten him up and eat him.

Me: What do you want to be when you grow up?
Yahoos:  A butcher!  Think of all that bacon!

Me: What's your favorite medium for art?
Yahoos:  Oh that one is easy. Bacon.

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This year, Spouse received a light for his bicycle.  You know what he said when he opened it?  "This is good.  Now I won't cry we-we-we all the way home when it gets dark."



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2 comments:

The petulant ninny said...

Yes, it really is that good

Lisa said...

Yeah, I won't play Minecraft either and we didn't even have bacon!