Friday, May 28, 2010


Our Yahoos have a tendency to get bent.  Really bent.  Like slam-the-door-and-kick-it bent.  Each and every time they get their "undies in an uproar" or their respective "tits in a ringer," I say (sometimes more calmly than others), "manage your frustrations."

Now, those who know me will laugh out loud and maybe fart because I, myself, have no clue how to manage my frustrations.  I'm working on it, though.  Don't cast me aside just yet.  Or perhaps maybe you should cast me aside because I am currently slam-the-door-and-kick-it bent.

Bent, bent, BENT!

Since around Tuesday, I've been planning a post to present my new love affair with the Mac.  I was going to tell you how much I slobber when I play with it.  I was going to tell you how I follow Steve Jobs on Twitter and have accompanying Steve Jobs stuff to go with this Mac Love Affair post.

That's not gonna happen, because the Mac has managed to provide more frustrating fury than I can handle.  The plastic is still on it.  I'm ready to throw it back in the box, drive it over to the dudes in the lime green shirts, and demand my million dollars back.  Hell, I'm tempted to throw the damn thing in the driveway and drive over it.

Someone needs to tell me to Manage My Frustrations, right?  I mean, it's a Mac.  It's the most wonderful piece of machinery in the universe.  Yadi yadi yadi.

The thing is, up until Tuesday, when all 27 inches of the meMac were 10 days old, I was singing wonderful universe machinery praises.  But on Tuesday, afternoon to be precise, the Airport quit working.  (Airport is Mac-speak for wifi, just in case you didn't know that like I didn't know that.)

No Internet.  Everyone knows that in these new-fangled times, a computer without internet is worthless.

I have no internet on the meMac.  We have three PCs and a mePhone.  The PCs and mePhone are talking to the internet through wifi, just fine.  I have called Apple twice.  They say it's my ISP.  I have spoken with the ISP twice.  They have had me moving the monster around the house, to test each nook and cranny.  We have changed security protocols, channels and passwords.  The ISP says it's Apple, because the PCs work just fine.

The runaround.  Apple blames ISP.  ISP blames Apple.  

For a final test, I load the meMac in the car, and drive it to Vera's.  I plug it in, click on her network, enter her password and voila.  I have internet.  Come back home, do the same.  I have no internet on the Mac.  We have Internet everywhere else, but no internet on the Mac.  Still.  I called the ISP again.  They tell me to buy a new modem for eighty dollars.

Somebody tell me to Manage My Frustrations, because I'm about to lose it.  I have spent 4 (four) hours today working on this.  I do not have four hours to work on a petty little issue like internet connectivity.

To top it off, it looks like rain is coming.  I'm tired of rain.  I live in Utah, for crying out loud! It's a DRY DAMN STATE -- in more ways than two.


Tuesday, May 25, 2010

Tuesday Tune, vol 41 - May's Departed

Today's Tuesday Tunes, titled May's Departed, are brought to you by what I'm not going to say.  I'm not going to say that yesterday was May 24.  I'm also not going to say that it snowed a bunch on this May 24.  And I'm also not going to say that it snowed enough to break trees, cause accidents and kill The Winder's tomato plants.  Everyone is talking about the many inches of accumulation in The Utah (or 'Tah) on this May 24.

Frankly, it's just a dull conversation.  And that is why I'm not going to tell you about.

I'm good at not doing things, yes?  Let me demonstrate how good at not doing things I am: Yesterday, my facebook status paid homage to the Toilet Plunger in loo (har har) of mentioning (for the zillionth time) that it snowed.  Think about the plunger, folks.  It's such a simple but clog-shattering creation.  It's been known to save an entire household in one single propulsion and has it's very own Wiki page.  Simply Amazing.

Enough of the potty talk.  Today, in loo (har har) of Toilet Plungers and Snow, I plan to tell you about May's Departed.  Thanks to Vera (again), we have a whole year's worth of the Departed.  I wonder what she has planned for next year?  Hmmm...

Hallelujah - Jeff Buckley (Drowning)
Dino's Song - Quick Silver Messenger (RIP John Cipollina, Emphysema)
Caprice No. 24 in A Minor - Niccolo Paganini (Cancer)
Eight Miles High  - Byrds (RIP Gene Clark, Heart Attack)
I'm Just A Lucky So And So - Duke Ellington (Cancer)
Sho' Nuff I Do - Elmore James (Heart Attack)
Wipe Out - Surfaris (RIP Ron Wilson, Brain Aneurysm)
Two Tickets To Paradise - Eddie Money Band (RIP Kevin Gilbert, Autoerotic Self-Asphyxiation)
As Long As She Needs Me - Sammy Davis, Jr. (Cancer)
Help Me Make It Through The Night - June Carter Cash (RIP Post Surgery Passing)
Luck Be A Lady - Frank Sinatra (Heart Attack)
Heart Full Of Soul - The Yardbirds (Keith Relf, Electrocuted During Rehearsal)
No Woman No Cry - Bob Marley (Cancer/Brain Tumor)
The Letter - Box Tops (RIP Thomas Boggs, Cancer)
Our Love Is Drifting - Paul Butterfield Band (RIP Paul Butterfield, Overdose)

If you have any questions about a particular method of death, please don't ask me.  Look it up on the Wiki.  (It's also called erotic asphyxiation asphyxiophilia, autoerotic asphyxia, hypoxyphilia, or breath control play, and is classified as a paraphilia.  Just in case you're curious.  Brings new meaning to "Gasper, The Friendly Ghost" and perhaps makes one consider taking a loved one to high altitude.  Everest, for example.)


Monday, May 24, 2010

Our Beloved Lost ...

... born September 6, 2005 in the United States, entered into sudden yet planned rest on Sunday, May 23, 2010.  Lost was preceded in death by many greats.  Greats that include: Seinfeld, Arrested Development, Gilligan's Island and Fantasy Island.  Lost is survived by not much.  Perhaps a 30 Rock and sometimes an Office or Modern Family.   Some argue that Lost is survived by a Dancing With The Stars or other silly reality-on-crack extravaganza.  But most of us agree that the television is no longer worth turning on.  At least until the Tour de France starts in July.

Lost, our cherished program of choice, brought us drama, wit and creative story telling.  Clever characterizations and way-out-there science fiction, were among the many traits that produced countless hours of analytical discussions and predictions.

Lost, we will miss you.  We will miss the intrigue, the suspense, and the bounteous blessings of Sawyer's nick names.  We will miss Hurley's Star Wars references, the sarcasm of Miles and everything about Ben Linus -- both when evil and good.  We will miss your Easter-egg book-references, thought provoking scenarios and the hauntingly emotional music of Michael Giacchino.

Lost, we will miss almost everything about you. Except Juliette.  We won't miss Juliette because we cannot stand Juliette and her Dr. Seuss pucker.  We won't miss Anna Lucia either and thank Michael for taking her snarling ass out early.  Oh and Keemie.  Keemie was the baddest dude there is.  Hated Keemie.  And Sayid was turning into MacGyver -- what with the turning a mango into a telecommunications device -- we won't miss that.  But we will miss Sayid...

Last but not least, dear Lost, we will not miss your unanswered questions.


p.s.  That finale of yours was one fine way to go out!  Well done!  Bravo!


Saturday, May 22, 2010

I Don't Get It

There are a bunch of things in this tiny little world that I do not get.  Many of those things I'll admit to not getting.  I'll throw my hands up high and yell, "I don't get it!"  (Like I did when SkiBikeJunkie tried to explain drafting, in the which the Rabid was too dense to get it.) Among the rest of those un-get-able things, there are a few that I just plain do not want to get.  

The Casual Blogger's Conference is one of those things I don't want to get.

Yet here I am, discussing something that I have already defined, by choice, as un-get-able.  Which would lead one to believe that I really do want to get this Casual Blogger's Conference, but am too embarrassed to admit it.  Perhaps there's an element of truth to that.  The real truth, however, is that I have a cake in the oven and feel like writing (making fun of) something.  Figured this Casual Blogger's Conference was just as good a topic (target) as any.

To set the stage for this monumental blog post, let me first explain something I do get.  I get blogging. (Duh.)  I get that people like to use this here medium to write out their events, histories, frustrations and commentaries.  I get that it's an extremely efficient method of excommunication.  (Actually it's communication, not ex-communication, but notice the alliterative action in that sentence and I wanted the alliteration to amble on.)  I get that friendships are foamed (har har) and I also get that blogging brews the brain -- by both reading what others have to say, and by the blogger's own research.

I get blogging.

I do not get Conferences for Bloggers.  
(Doesn't that word look like boogers at first glance to you?)

From what I understand, here's the stage for this Conference that they ironically call Casual: A bunch of Mommy Bloggers gather 'round to acquire tips on making their blog better.  There are communication courses, writing workshops, photography clinics, legal lectures (from a real attorney) and classes to demonstrate methods for making money.  The conference offers direction from design divas and sessions to showcase ways in which to thicken your traffic -- ways to get more hitters hanging-on to your hooey. Which would ultimately allow you to earn thousands of dollars from your boring mommy memoirs.

Sorry.  Had to say it.  Mommy memoirs are boring (unless I know you personally.)  I don't care if you're Faulkner or Stephen King or even Jane Austen-like in your clever dialogue, there is NO WAY to write up your diaper changing experiences so as to make them entertaining.  Or interesting.  Or worth reading.

Oh!  But I have a diaper changing story!  Lemme give it a stab:
Yahoo #1 was a few days old.  Spouse and I were still out-of-our-minds intense about this baby rearing stuff, for we both understood that we were most definitely in the soup.  When our first little screamer came out of the who-hatch, we understood that our purpose in life was to do one thing:  Keep That Child Alive.

So everything was a big deal.  Diaper changing included.  On our "changing table," as the experts refer, we have a statue of Jesus with a few kids on his lap.  It's quite a statue.  It has always helped add a sense of calm to the diaper-changing process. 
Perhaps it goes without saying that our situation could use all the sense of calm we could get.

Spouse was changing the child.  (You are all so jealous, right?  That my wonderfully handsome husband also changes diapers.)  He had just wrapped up the old 'n dirty, and was reaching for the new 'n clean, when that little Yahoo sneezed.  Violently.  Which caused this chunky-ish fluid to project from his nether region -- all over the Jesus.

I was in the other room.  And this is what I heard:

"Hoooonnnneeey!  He shat the Jesus!"
How did I do?  Good diaper story?  No?  That's okay, I understand.  If I make fun of your mommy blogging, you can most certainly bash my miserable excuse for a diaper story.

Back to the Conference.  I have also heard, from a few sources, that Bloggers print business cards.  Cards that provide the address of their beloved blog.  They take these cards to the Confernce and hand them out with a phony smile.  A smile, with mega teeth, that says, "Here!  Read my blog!  I won't read yours because I'm too important for reading the blogs of the plebeian populace, but read mine.  Everything I do is JUST PLAIN EFFING FANTASTIC!" 

You know what I think?  It's just a blog.  It ain't proof of your holy existence.  It ain't the answer to world peace.  It ain't the end-all-be-all of crafting.  And it most certainly isn't the last word on decorating. 

Megan had been asked by the Casual Blogger Conference people to attend and read one of her posts.  This post.  Her original plans for a U2 gig made it such that she'd be in town, so she obliged.  Me, being the I-find-everything-utterly-fascinating-individual that I am, was curious.  I sent her an e-mail asking if I needed to get tickets in advance.  She replied to tell me that tickets are $125.  For one day.

I told her I'd give her a ride. Asked if she'd read the post to me on the way.

Due to the misfortune of Bono,  the U2 show was postponed and Megan canceled her trip.  Which also includes the cancellation of her Conference footnote address.  Bummer right?  The Confernce people don't get to meet Megan!

At this point, I would like to provide an important piece of information:  The Conference is SOLD OUT!  As in, even if you were up for the $125 a day price tag, you cannot go unless you have already secured your spot.  Those Conference people have landed a gold mine.  They will provide all sorts of tips for earning cash via I-bahn blog, all while knowing the best (only) way to make money with this business of blogging, is to calibrate a conference.  Bah!  I'll bet they're busting their laughing buttons all the way to the bank!

On second thought, it would be so very, very, VERY fun to spend a day watching.  And taking notes. Perhaps the people at Utah Valley Magazine could send me?  I could write up some stuff for them.  I know they appreciate my opinion.

If I were to go, I would be on my best behavior.  Because you know what I always say?

"If you can't say anything nice, don't say anything at all.
(Then go home and write about it on your blog.)"


Thursday, May 20, 2010

Facebook Foto

Please ponder the awesome aura of my new Facebook Foto.  I'm a vacuous vixen, yes?


Incidentally, a mere gander at this beaut brings me to hysterics. Every time.

Wednesday, May 19, 2010

The Hunger Games

The Hunger Games
by Suzanne Collins


Rabid says:  "A page-turning union of Survivor and The Lord of The Flies.  Oh and one more thing: the movie will most definitely wreck it.  A Hunger Games movie can only chew up this fantastically thought-provoking story and spit it out for the carp to eat." 

That's all you get, because I'm no spoiler.  No-sir-eee.  A lot of things, I are.  But a spoiler, I are not.  If you care to entertain a discussion of sorts, by all means let us discuss.  I have much to say about this one.


Tuesday, May 18, 2010

Ben For President

Oh yes he does!


Tuesday Tunes - vol 40 - Shake Shake Shake

Today's Tuesday Tunes are all about shakin' it.

Last week, I taught the Pound Hound how to shake.  And being as it's the only thing worth a sh!t that I've accomplished in the last four weeks, I'd exploit the snot out of it.

(Who let the PMS Avenger out?  Put her back!  Now!  Before someone gets hurt!)

Shakin' - The Dandy Warhols
Black And White - Three Dog Night
Dog New Tricks - Garbage
I Wanna Be Your Dog - The Stooges
Shake It - Metro Station
Dogs Were Barking - Gogol Bordello
Shake Me -Cinderella
You Can Bring Your Dog (Santa) - Tori Amos
Shake The Disease - Depeche Mode
The Handshake - MGMT
Shaking Through - R.E.M.
My Hands Are Shaking - Sondre Lerche
Shake A Leg - AC/DC
Shake It Baby - The Groundhogs
Shake It Baby - John Lee Hooker (couldn't find this on the youtube)
The Shakedown - Lloyd Glenn
The Down Home Shakedown - Bib Mama Thornton
Ain't Nothin' But A Hound Dog - Elvis Presley (from The Winder)
All Shook Up - Elvis Presley
Shake Dog Shake - The Cure (from Ryan)


Monday, May 17, 2010

Ogden, Ogden, Ogden

Did you know that 26 (point 2) miles is a very long, long, LONG distance?  Did you know that?  If not, I'll say it again, 26 (point 2) miles is a very long, long, LONG distance.

I ran the Ogden last Saturday.  Lemme just tell you that the Theory of Relativity applies to marathon running.  Not all 26 (point 2) miles are the same.  This Ogden was the longest 26 (point 2) miles of my very existence.

 Here's the bullets:
  • Time was 3:26:19 (7 minutes faster than last year.)
  • The middle ten miles of this Ogden marathon are mentally draining.
  • Sodium is important.  Nausea happens when you don't have enough sodium.
  • Not enough Na was a result of me skipping the taters 'n salt.  (Day before and morning of.)
  • Pickle juice saved me from murdering someone.
I have spent the last two days toying with the prospect of giving up this silly running business for good.  I mean really.  Pay money to run 26 (point 2) miles?  Most of the marathons I've finished have accompanied a euphoric You DID it! kind of feeling.  But this one? No way.

It's prolly the nausea.

I've been conditioned to associate that particular nausea side effect with two things: 1) Pregnancy or 2) A Wild Night Of Letting-The-Hair-Down. (If you know what I mean, which until yesterday, I had forgotten what I mean by that.)  This second kind of nausea always brings on this "Oh no!  What did I do last night?!" kind of feeling.  You know where you stumble out of bed and barf.  Fall up the stairs and barf again because someone insisted on having eggs for breakfast.  Then some strange dude calls you out of nowhere.  Because, like duh, you gave him your phone number.  (Say Hallelujah! Those days are long gone.  And if you're one of my Yahoos, note that they are longer gone than you think.)

So instead of feeling all sorts of elated with accomplishment, I'm feeling like I've done something I shouldn't have.  Bummer, right?

So what happens if I quit running?  There is that little problem of owning a domain with the word "runner" in it.  I mean, won't you expect someone who owns a "runner" domain to run?  I'm rather fond of my domain.  Therefore, this domain must be peeled away from my bleeding and running paws.

'Sides, I Have The Conch! is already taken.

(Speaking of this I Have The Conch person.  They haven't posted a measly thing since July of 2006.  Do they have any inkling of an idea how truly precious that I Have The Conch! blogspot is?  NO!  They do not!  Else they'd be holding it.  And barking into it.)


Friday, May 14, 2010

Number 14

Tomorrow is Marathon 14.  Big deal, right?  Not really, for numero fourteen-o is a drop in the piss-bucket of marathon lifers.  There are a gazillion runners out there in this great beyond, who have run well over hundred.  I'll even bet that someone, somewhere, has most certainly run 100 marathons in one year.  Dean Karnazes, prolly.

I won't make it to 100.  Mostly 'cause I excel at mediocrity.

Up until two days ago, I was telling everyone that this upcoming Ogden would be Marathon 13.  For some reason, I had lost count.  Tomorrow's marathon will be Marathon 14.  I figured it was time to tally them up and document - you know, so as to always keep track.  Maybe I could also tattoo tick marks on my neck?!  I'll bet no one has done that.  I could excel at marathon tick-mark-tattooing.

I also started to look at half marathons and gave up.  I can't remember them all, which in hind-sight is so very dumb, because I might could have run 100 halfs.  If only I would have kept track.  They only count if you keep track.

St George x 7:  1997, 1998, 2002, 2006, 2007, 2008, 2009
Boston x 2: 1998, 2008
Death Valley Trail x 1: 1999
Top Of Utah x 2: 2004, 2005
Ogden x 1: 2009

I plan to update that Ogden number when I finish.  So here's to finishing!  (As fast as I can muster.)  Here's also to rice pudding, quinoa with feta, olives and tomato, banana cake with chocolate chips, red potatoes with loads of salt, and spinach.  Lots and lots of spinach.  I yam what I yam!  I'm Rabid the running (wo)man!

I'm Rabid the running (wo)man,
I'm Rabid the running (wo)man,
I'm strong to the finich
Cause I eats me spinach.
I'm Rabid the running (wo)man!


Thursday, May 13, 2010

B.B. Gun in the Bum

I have this older brother.  I call him Devo.  Actually, everyone calls him Devo in honor of that new-wave explosion with the same name.  This Devo moniker was not issued because of his love for the band, for my older bro, Devo, was a 70's-80's-rock-country-bumpkin, and wasn't one for the new wave.  He was given this Devo branding because Devo sounds similar to his real name: Devotchka.  It's Russian and indiscriminately apropos for our Welchkin ancestry. 

(Do I need to tell you about Devotchka being a joke?  Just checkin'. You all know I stay away from real names, right?  Kay.  That bit about us being Welchkin is true, however.  Not Italian, not Arabian, not Mexican, and certainly not Bulgarian.  Welchkin.  Like Catherine Zeta Jones is Welchkin and that's why I look just like her.)

So Devo, being several years my senior, was often left to babysit.  And while he babysat, he'd do many cruel things: like administer toilet bowl swirlies, sit on my face to fart, and throw my precious kitties down the stairs.  He was such an Older Bother.  His cruelty was saved only by the fact that he'd frequent rock concerts and bring me t-shirts.  Oh how I wish I still had those t-shirts.  You never know what you should keep, do you?

Anyway, one particular babysitting event has left a lasting impression.  In the rear.  I was five years old and in the Kindergarten.  Devo, hiding a loaded B.B. gun behind his back, told me to see how fast I could run down the hall.  Devo was the cool and hip older bro, so naturally I did what he said.  I ran.  And while I was running down the hall, I heard a "pop" that was followed immediately by a sharp burning sensation on the right cheek of my precious little ass.

That turd had just totally shot me.  Gave me a B.B. Gun in the Bum.

Why do I tell you this?  Well, mostly because nary a family gathering goes by where I fail to give the dramatic re-enactment of this B.B. Gun in the Bum incident. I also tell you this because today is Devo's birthday.  He's something ancient, like 55.  Or close to it.

Happy Birthday Devo.  (And may that pitbull called Karma bite you in the ass.)


Tuesday, May 11, 2010

Tuesday Tune, vol 39 - It's All About YOU!

Today's Tuesday Tunes are all about you. Meaning, YOU get to share your favorite tunes. YOU get to let me know the kind of music you frequent. YOU get to show your wacky disposition through tunes.  (YOU know you wanna.)

Here's how it will work, leave a comment with a tune or two. Or three or six. I will then add the tune to the post, complete with youtube link, and give you credit for it.

How's that? Do you care to play? Oh please play. Also note that I'm in desperate need to acquire new tunes for my marathon this weekend, so extra points go to those who leave tunes that motivate. 

I care to play.  So here's the newest of motivating picks in my library:

Living Darfur - Mattafix


Jessica gave us:
Dance Anthem of the 80's - Regina Spektor
Zak and Sara - Ben Folds
Spaceman - Dave Matthews

Ski Bike Junkie gives us:
Lose Yourself - Eminem

Jodi (Hi Jodi!) gave us:
Animal - Miike Snow
Bulletproof - La Roux
Ali in the Jungle - The Hours
Lisztomania - Phoenix
Rocket - Goldfrapp
Whatever You Like - Anya Marina

Moe gives us:
Anything's Possible - Jonny Lang
Red Light - Jonny Lang
Same Old 45 - Sarah Borges and the Broken Singles
Let My Love Open the Door - Pete Townsend
The Sea Refuses No River - Pete Townsend

Moe also gave us "covers of old stuff by new guys:"
The Boxer - Alison Krauss/Shawn Colvin
A Day in the Life - Jeff Beck
Roadhouse Blues - Los Lonely Boys
She Came in the Bathroom Window - Los Lonely Boys
Indian Sunset - Warren Haynes
Anyday - Derek Trucks Band & Susan Tedeschi

Anonymous gave us:
My Heart Will Go On - Celine Dion

Now about this My Heart Will Go On... is this anonymous person a ghost from software companies past?  Were you there when I declared, with angst and disgust, how badly I hate that song?  I believe we had picked up sandwiches and were lunching it at a park.  And one of you, Mandee's husband, put his delicate hand on his heart, cocked the head to the side and said, "Oh but listen to the words!"  I believe the year was 1998ish.  If you are, note that you gave me the biggest laugh of the week.  If you are not, note that you gave me the biggest laugh of the week.

From C.C. we have:
Kids - MGMT
I'm Your Daddy - Weezer
Sweet Disposition - The Temper Trap
A Kick in The Teeth - Fischerspooner
Worry About You -  2 am Club
Nobody's In Love - 2 am Club
Nothing Better - The Postal Service
X Amount Of Words - Blue October
This Scene is Dead - We Are Scientists
Basic Space - The XX
Black and Gold - Sam Sparro

Tom gave us:
End of Heartache - killswitch engage
Blue Jean Blues - zz top
Witch Hunt - Rush
Kill Me - adam sandler
Violin Concerto II - Edgar Meyer feat. Hilary Hahn

From Radracer, fellow running compatriot:
Supermassive Black Hole - Muse
Love etc  - The Pet Shop Boys
The Wanderer - U2 and Johnny Cash
Route 66 - Depeche Mode
Route 66 - John Mayer
Flowers On The Wall - Statler Brothers
Bed Of Roses - Statler Brothers

Becca gave us the fabulous:
One Shoe Blues - Sandra Boynton, starring B.B. King
(This is seriously the best of then all!  For, like, twelve reasons.)

Keep 'em coming!  I Digg this!

Monday, May 10, 2010

The Candy Shop War and Wasted

It's book report time.  And I just now discovered the irony of posting these two books together.  I realize I could split the two up and have two separate posts.  But alas, I am carb depleting, and lack the energy to provide two separate posts.  Two posts are more difficult than one, even when the combined content is the same.  Just is.

The Candy Shop War
by Brandon Mull


I'm a fan of Brandon Mull.  I like the writing.  I like his clever little stories and character-appropriate dialogue.  With that said, one might think that I would naturally enjoy The Candy Shop War.  It's good that one would think I would naturally enjoy The Candy Shop War, because, I did, in fact, enjoy this Candy Shop War, naturally.  

Spouse and Yahoo #1 read the book earlier and would often reference the magic candy dolled out by the neighborhood candy shop.  Now I get their jokes.  It's great when you understand the nuances of your own family jokering?  Ain't it?

Most of these young adult-ish books turn into predictable bores.  Most.  But not this one.  There were a fair amount of surprises in this story.  Good surprises.  Surprises that, on more than one occasion, made me put the book down, and proclaim loudly to no one, "Holy crap! I did not see that coming!"

Marya Hornbacher


Here's where you get the irony of my book report: I finished a book that goes on and on about candy, fudge, sweets and ice cream, then picked up a memoir about anorexia and bulimia.  No kidding.

This Wasted book was phenomenal.  First, the writing is exquisite.  Second, anorexia and bulimia is topic in the which I find much intrigue.  Third, Ms. Hornbacher writes about her anorexia and bulimia spells in a matter-of-fact-non-dramatic-its-hardly-glamorous fashion.

There were a few things I learned from this book.  Mostly I learned that I need to be a more nurturing parent and wife, which was collected from this acrid truth about inter-spousal relations:
"My parents did not, to the best of my knowledge, like each other very much, though I do know that they loved each other.  They're still married.  They honk and bite and flap their wings at each other like cranky old geese, but they're married.  They, like a lot of parents of eating-disordered people, were notably unsupportive of each other when I was a kid.  Jealous of each other's successes, bitterly sarcastic toward each other.  The shrinks note that a couple who cannot nurture each other cannot consistently nurture a child either.  Shrinks also note that, lacking a marital alliance, each parent will try to ally him/herself with the child.  The child becomes a pawn, a bartering piece, as each parent competes to be the best, most nurturing parents, as determined by whom the child loves more.  It was my job to act like I loved them both best--when the other one wasn't around." (Page 26.)
Not that the Spouse and I honk at each other, or that we have a jealousy issue, but this little ditty made me think about marital nurturing.  It had never occurred to me that, perhaps, the Spouse needs some nurturing.  And that, perhaps, I could provide a nurturing gesture or two.  (Wink-wink-nudge-nudge-know-what-I-mean?)

Eating disorders start out with the intent of acquiring the ultimate thin, then eventually morph into issues about control.  Most people with eating disorders believe that all will be well, that they will be happy, that success will be achieved, if only they become the "perfect amount of thin."  The truth, however, is that the "perfect amount of thin" is unattainable.  Like Marya Hornbacher found, for example.  She set her sites on her desired thin -- which was way too thin to begin with -- then whittled herself down to 52 pounds and knocking on death's door.

In the U.S., none of us are starving.  There are pockets of starving people here and there, but as a whole, the U.S. is not starving.  The U.S. is not working day-in and day-out to feed ourselves.  Most people do not wake first thing, with the worry of feeding their family, with the wonder of where they will get the next meal.  Strangely, our culture sees thin as successful and "fat" as unsuccessful.  In other cultures, where food isn't quite as abundant, being "fat" is a sign of wealth.
As Hornbacher suggests, "This is one of the terrible, banal truths of eating disorders: when a woman is thin in this culture, she proves her worth, in a way that no great accomplishment, no stellar career, nothing at all can match.  We believe she has done what centuries of a collective unconscious insist that no woman can do--control herself.  A woman who can control herself is almost as good as a man.  A thin woman can Have It All." (Page 81-82.)
In order to feel accomplished and successful, Marya Hornbacher believed she needed a, "gleeful clattering set of bones."  (Page 82.)

Is she cured now?  Has she conquered the unconquerable, and is now living a life of balanced bliss?  Hardly.  And she's very forthright about it.  Eating disorders are an addiction that, just like alcoholism, require a lifetime of treatment.  And support.

Speaking of support, here's an uplifting thought: "And when you decide you are tired of being alone with your sickness, you go out seeking women friends, people who you believe can show you by example how to eat, how to live--and you find that by and large most women are obsessed with their weight.  It's a little discouraging." (Page 282.)

What's the answer?  Well, there isn't one.  Although, I would suggest running because running is my answer to everything.  Warts?  Try running.  Back hurts?  Try running.  ADHD?  Try running.   If you think about it however, running is a good answer for an eating disorder.  You gotta eat to run.  You cannot fake the fuel.

Now.  Are ready for more irony?  I just started The Hunger Games by Suzanne Collins.

The Candy Shop War -- Wasted -- The Hunger Games
(Can you see why I think I'm on the verge of developing an eating disorder? Expecially while carb depleting?)


Sunday, May 09, 2010

Friday, May 07, 2010

Cinco de Silly

Last Wednesday was the Cinco de Mayo.  In English, that spells out the Fifth of May  (just in case you needed the clarification.)  How many of you out there think this Cinco de Mayo business is all about Mexican independence?  Hmmm?  Did you raise your hand?   

You're WRONG! Drop down and give me 25!  You heard me.  Do it!

The Cinco de Mayo is mostly an American tradition, drummed up like other silly holidays in this country, with the purpose of making money.  It's called marketing, and marketing works.  Another fine example of a made-for-money-celebration is Mother's Day.  Mother's Day was created to make money and it's all Hallmark's fault.  Rumor has it that the Cinco de Mayo was the brain child of the Corono beer company.  Or so I am told.

Irregardless!  I love Cinco de Mayo.  Why?  Because it's easy.  You eat Mexican food, and, ole!  Celebration!  See?  Easy.

My conscience is telling me that before moving on, I must spell-out the Cinco de Mayo situation for reals.  So here I go:  The Cinco de Mayo celebration is based on a "supposed" Mexican victory over the French at a battle called "Puebla" that took place on May 5, 1862.  I say "supposed," because that's precisely what that victory was: Supposed.  The Cinco de Mayo has since taken on an American tradition whereby thousands of Americans gather together to celebrate the Mexican culture.  On the 5th of May.

How was that?

This year, the Filthy Nelsons informed us of a Cinco de Mayo 5k.  It was a fund raising event hosted by and benefiting the Scenic View Academy in Provo.  The Scenic View Academy is a private school for adults with autism.

Yahoo #1 hasn't run a 5k in a while and Yahoo #2 hasn't run a 5k, like, ever, so we decided to sign up and give it a go. We start them early around here, as can be seen in Exhibits A and B:

Exhibit A: Early Running


Exhibit B: Early Margarita drinking

(Doesn't he look so busted?!)

To be frank, this race was among the funnest.  If you're in town next year, I suggest you check it out.  It was silly and festive and the finish food was not your standard Gatorade-and-banana fair.  The line-up included chips and salsa, fruits, tres leches, and margaritas with salt-rimmed and swanky glasses.

I ran the race with Yahoo #1 and Spouse ran/walked the race with Yahoo #2.  After Yahoo #1 and I finished, I ran back to gather up the rest.  The Winder came too, pushing her Menace and matching jog stroller (jogging strollers can be a menace, you know.)  Yahoo #1 took first in the Male 14 and Under age group.  (Three hollers for that one.)  And they gave Yahoo #2 an award for being the youngest.

I wore a running skirt.  Running skirts are all the rage these days.  They're comfy too.  When we walked up to the number retrieval, the guy handing out the numbers said, "Okay, so we know the people in short running shorts are the serious runners and those in basketball shorts are the casual runners.  But what does it mean if you're wearing a skirt?"  To which I replied, all quick-like, "It's date night!"

(Yeah, we're lame.  We bring the kiddies to date night.  What can I say?)




Gut ache!






This (below) is Kyle Perry. Kyle Perry won the race (5k) with something like a 14:30.  Kyle is an All-American steeple-chaser and a very nice dude. Around our parts, distance runners are, like, rock stars, so naturally, the Yahoo needed his photo with him.


Speaking of Mr. Perry, he was "at the race" with a Ms. Anderson. As in the insanely beautiful and talented Kassie Anderson.  Kassie Anderson is also a quickie distance runner who made the cover of Runner's World last summer. Now, the tabloid girlie in me is going to fabricate my very own tabloid story about Mr. Perry and Ms. Anderson and will call it "Breed For Speed."

Look for it next month.

* Post Edit:  It has come to my attention, thanks to the Beloved Spouse, that Kyle is married.  And not to Kassie, so my joke went south.  Way south.  Like wrong south.  You have to admit, however, that "Breed For Speed" was pretty funny, right?  Right?  RIGHT?!  When I said Kyle and Kassie were "at the race" I meant they were "at the race" just like we were "at the race" with them. 

There.  Did that fix it?


Tuesday, May 04, 2010

Tuesday Tune, vol 38 - Hot! Hot! Hot!

Today's Tuesday Tunes are brought to you by Bikram. Bikram is a yoga practice named after its creator, Bikram Choudhury, and is commonly refered to as "hot yoga" or "fire yoga." Yesterday, I had the fine fortune of attending one of these Bikram yoga classes.

As if 90 minutes of yoga is not hard enough, the Bikram people have decided to crank it up a notch, by jamming a room full of people, and increasing the degrees to 104. Or 105.

As if yoga is not hard enough.

Megan was going, so I invited myself. I wanted to know what all the hot fuss was about. She told me to wear as little as possible. So naturally, I wore my version of "as little as possible." I arrived twenty minutes early -- per the web site's instructions for newbies. And while I waited for the instructor's briefing, I watched as the room filled with people in bikinis. And dudes in briefs. They were wearing as little as legally possible. Literally. I was grossly overdressed.

The instructor told me not to be a rock star. And that my goal for the day was staying in the room for all 90 minutes.


The first 20 minutes of the gooey stretching were brutal. And rather startling. This Bikram yoga business is different. The instructor prattles on and on. And claps. I found out later, that the purpose of the prattling jabber, was to keep the students from thinking about the torture. It worked, for I conquered all 90 minutes in that room.

Yeah me.

The best description of that 90 minutes would vacillate between dizzy, nauseous and loose -- but not necessarily in an ordered fashion. People pay money for that dizzy-nauseous-loose feeling, you know. It's called heroin. I suppose Bikram is healthier, but I'm convinced that those Bikram people are out-of-their-minds crazy.

Will I go back?

You betcha. I'm as nutty as they come.

Hot Hot Hot!!! - The Cure
All Fired Up - Interpol
The Kid Is Hot Tonite - Loverboy
Hotty Naughty - Sunidhi Chauhan
Hotwax - Beck
Ring Of Fire - Johnny Cash
Fire Woman - The Cult
Jump In The Fire - Metallica
Fire - The Sounds
Hot For Teacher - Van Halen
Great Balls of Fire - Jerry Lee Lewis
Hot Legs - Rod Stewart
Hot Like Wow - Nadia Oh
Hot Blooded - Foreigner
Coming In Hot - Peter Tosh
Into The Fire - Sarah McLachlan
Hell - Squirrel Nut Zippers
Hot Mess - Cobra Starship
The Unforgettable Fire - U2
Hot Mama - Trace Adkins
Fight Fire With Fire - Metallica
Hot Dog - Led Zeppelin
Hot Cookin' - G. Love and Special Sauce
Fire Fire - M.I.A.
Hot Stuff - Donna Summer
Too Hot - Kool & The Gang
Hottest Party In Town - My Life With The Thrill Kill Kult
Eyes On Fire - Blue Foundation
Some Like It Hot - The Power Station

Notice how I got carried away again? Yeah, I got carried away again. Sigh.


Monday, May 03, 2010

Weekend Update

This weekend was fan-frickin-tastic. So fantastic was this weekend that I wanted to replace frickin' with it's cursing counter-part. (Now that's sayin' somethin', eh?) Whether the weekend's exuberant greatness was a result of it being loaded with fun-'n-frolic or a result of the end of my official tax season, I know not. Irregardless, I was high as a frickin' kite. All weekend.

I told Spouse that. I said, "I couldn't be higher." And he said, "Uh oh. What's wrong?" To which I declared, "It ain't what's wrong babe, it's what's right!" And so it is, that on this fine bright shining Monday, that I plan to list what went right with my weekend.

- Spouse took a half day off. On Friday. I do enjoy a few extra hours with Spouse. It's a bonus for all when he arrives at home before the tired and hungry hours set it. We family members are down-right impossibly devilish once the tired and hungry hour(s) set in. We are no damn fun AT ALL.

- Lunch with Megan on Friday. Megan's in town. If that ain't cause for celebration, nothing is. Spouse was home to watch the Yahoos and The Winder came too. Funny thing: when the Winder was driving home, she called me and testified of Megan's greatness while using her best rock-star-worship voice. I said, "Well duh! Do you think I'd hop on a plane to visit just anyone?" Nope. That Megan is certainly one-in-like-a-billion.

- Finished my last scheduled shift of the Tax Season. Also on Friday. Yipee. That one right there speaks volumes. Although I must clarify that I still work, it just isn't quite as intense.

- Registered for the Hobble Creek Half Marathon. And got in! There were plenty of tears and gnashing of teeth over this year's registration. Many were turned away. Goes to show that the early 4:30am bird always gets his worm.

- Two weeks to the Ogden Marathon. On Saturday, I did the two-week taper tune-up, which consists of a 15 mile run that envelopes a 6 mile tempo (7:15 average at 80%, thank you. Not that I'm bragging but it looks like I am!) Can I tell you that I feel ready? And not worn out? When it comes to marathoning, there's a fine line between ready and worn-out.

- The Saint George Ironman. Saturday also included the first Saint George Ironman. I knew a handful of people racing this crazy event -- a 2.4 mile swim, a 112 mile bike ride, and 26.2 mile run. The Ironman web site provides athlete tracking, so it was great fun to check in periodically throughout the raining day, and see their progress. All did fantastically. While we're on the subject of this Ironman stuff, let's just say that yours truly shall never entertain such madness. They say that one should never say never, but I'm going to say it again. I will never do an Ironman. Mostly because I don't swim. That's what life jackets are for.

It appears this Ironman race is the ultimate in endurance races. After you have completed an Ironman, what comes next? The gold-man? The platinum-man? The blue-diamond-grand-seller-man? Where does this endurance stuff end?

- Bike ride with the Yahoos in Lambert Park. Saturday afternoon. They loved it. Kept asking to do Rodeo. And we kept saying, "Nope. You gotta earn it." Spouse's shoulder is still on the mend for a few more weeks, so he was unable to ride a bike. He walked behind and picked up the Yahoos and their pieces after they crashed. Yahoo #1's brakes were on the fritz, but he performed stupendously. He says he's ready for a bike with gears. Can anyone say, Tour de Pocketbook? Now I gotta buy two bikes.

- Last, but certainly not least, The Kentucky Derby. Oh, dearest Kentucky Derby, how I love you so. You have it all: food, hats, betting, hats, money, hats, racing, hats, ovals, hats, horses, hats, jockeys and more hats. This year's hat coverage was a snoozer. It rained all dang day and those million-dollar bonnets were covered in protective plastic!

The race was great, though. Did you watch it? Jenny Craig had another horse named after candy. I swear, that woman and her candy. She can't eat it so she names her horses after it! And Calvin Borel (jockey for winning horse Super Saver) is the balm. There's a very special place in my heart for that Calvin (for more reasons than three.) Last year's finish was most dramatic, however, with the underhorse and his acceleration. I'd like to share:

Give me three frickin' cheers for Spring! Hooray, hooray, hooray!

P.S. - I forgot to mention that I finished the weekend with Clementine's Oatmeal Chocolate Chip cookies, but figured the Derby should be our grand finale. And speaking of these cookies, I figured they're just like a big ol' healthy bowl of oatmealy goodness. 'Cept with more sugar. And chocolate chips. And lots of butter.


Saturday, May 01, 2010

Phineas and Ferb Episode List

1(1A) "Rollercoaster" August 17, 2007* September 1, 2008 101A
In the series premiere, Phineas Flynn and his older stepbrother Ferb build a rollercoaster for the neighborhood, much to their sister Candace's displeasure. Meanwhile, Perry, the boys' secret agent platypus, tries to stop his nemesis Dr. Doofenshmirtz from controlling the Earth's rotation with a magnet and a giant sheet of tin foil.

2(2B) "Lawn Gnome Beach Party of Terror" September 28, 2007 N/A 102B
Phineas and Ferb build a backyard beach which Candace begins to enjoy, meanwhile Doofenshmirtz tries to steal all the lawn gnomes in the Tri-State Area.

3(4B) "Flop Starz" February 1, 2008* N/A 104B
Phineas and Ferb's song "Gitchee, Gitchee, Goo" becomes a one-hit wonder and brings them worldwide fame, while Candace wins a chance to sing on stage with them during the auditions for a reality music competition. Meanwhile, Doofenshmirtz turns his building into a giant robot to wreak terror upon the Tri-State Area.

4(2A) "The Fast And The Phineas" February 2, 2008 N/A 102A
The boys transform Mom's car into a remote-controlled race car and enter it into a race. Meanwhile, Doofenshmirtz uses his new invention, the Deflatinator, to try to deflate everything in the Tri-State Area, a device curiously mounted to a blimp.
Title Reference: The Fast and the Furious[disambiguation needed]

5(5B) "Lights, Candace, Action!" February 3, 2008 N/A 105B
Candace stars in the movie The Princess Sensibilities. However she finds out that new directors Phineas and Ferb have changed it to The Curse of the Princess Monster. Meanwhile, Doofenshmirtz creates an Age-Acclerator-Inator to age cheese, but ends up trying to age Perry.

6(5A) "Raging Bully" February 4, 2008 N/A 105A
Phineas enters a thumb-wrestling competition with Buford after getting tips from boxing champion Evander Holyfield; Doofenshmirtz creates a hypnotic device to control people's minds so they will be forced to celebrate his birthday and clean up afterwards.

7(1B) "Candace Loses Her Head" February 5, 2008 N/A 101B
The boys plan to carve Candace's face into Mount Rushmore for her birthday; Perry tries to prevent Doofenshmirtz from boring a tunnel to the People's Republic of China from Mount Rushmore.

8(10B) "I, Brobot" February 6, 2008 N/A 110b
The boys clone themselves as Phinedroids and Ferbots (robots) so they can get more projects completed; Doofenshmirtz tries using a giant magnet to erase messages he left on his girlfriend's answering machine.

9(12A) "Run Away, Runway" February 7, 2008 N/A 112a
Candace tries to become a fashion model, while Phineas and Ferb create a fashion collection entitled "Summer All The Time". Doofenshmirtz designs a machine to create clones of himself so they can wait in line for him.

10(3B) "The Magnificent Few" February 8, 2008 N/A 103a
As a side-effect of Doofenshmirtz's plot to use termites to destroy all the wood in the area to help his new aluminum-siding business, Phineas, Ferb, and Isabella try to wrangle a herd of cattle from a ranch that were set free by the termites destroying their barn.

11(3B) "S'Winter" February 9, 2008 N/A 103b
The boys use a sno-cone machine to create a Winter paradise during the middle of Summer in their backyard, Candace tries to pursue Jeremy (who thinks dropped her for a Swedish exchange student), and Doofenshmirtz tries to melt chocolate with a machine made from laser pointers.

12(8A) "Jerk De Soleil" February 10, 2008 N/A 108A
The boys create a circus for the neighborhood after their original circus plans are cancelled, while Jeremy gives Candace wild parsnips which she is allergic to. Doofenshmirtz creates a device to make people's voices higher so his own voice will seem lower but instead, it gets even higher.

13(4A) "Are You My Mummy?" February 15, 2008 N/A 104A
The boys visit an Egyptian-themed movie theater and attempt to get a mummy of their own, but they end up capturing Candace, who is wrapped in toilet paper; Doofenshmirtz tries to raise the city's water level by destroying a beaver dam so his real estate will become beachfront property.

14(12B) "I Scream, You Scream" February 17, 2008 N/A 112B
The boys try to make a giant ice-cream maker for Isabella after her tonsils are taken out; Doofenshmirtz tries to build a giant space laser, while his daughter, Vanessa, is staying with him for the weekend. Meanwhile, Candace, as usual, is trying to bust Phineas and Ferb, at the same time as Vanessa is trying to bust her dad, Dr. Doofenshmirtz. Ironically, Candace's mom and Vanessa's mom are attending a cooking class together.

15(8B) "Toy to the World" February 22, 2008 N/A 108B
After Candace sarcastically suggests that they can make a better toy than the Har D Har Toy Company's "Shimmy Jimmy", Phineas and Ferb design an "inaction figure" based on their pet platypus. Meanwhile, Doofenshmirtz plots to build toll booths to enter and exit the Tri-State Area so he can become rich.

16(6A) "Get That Bigfoot Outta My Face!" February 23, 2008 N/A 106A
Candace and the boys visit their grandparents at a lake house and the children try to scare her with a fake Bigfoot, but then their grandma's twin scares them with a more lifelike Bigfoot; Perry is trapped in Doofenshmirtz's love triangle as he bursts in while on a date.

17(13A) "It's a Mud, Mud, Mud, Mud World" February 24, 2008 N/A 113a
The boys invent a monster truck for Candace to practice driving, but soon her practice run turns into a massive racing rally; Doofenshmirtz tries to discover investors for his line of monster trucks that are actual monsters.
Guest stars: Billy Ray Cyrus as Buck Buckerson.

18(11B) "Journey to the Center of Candace" February 29, 2008 N/A 111b
The boys build a shrinking submarine so they can go inside Isabella's pet chihuahua and retrieve a sash it ate, but they accidentally end up in Candace's stomach instead while she is on a date with Jeremy. Meanwhile, Perry tries to stop Doofenshmirtz's plans to destroy anyone who can't make up their mind with his newest invention, realizing that it may destroy Phineas and Ferb.

19(7a and 7b) "It's About Time!" March 1, 2008 N/A 107
Phineas and Ferb decide to repair a time machine at a natural history museum, sending themselves and Candace to the Jurassic Age. Meanwhile, Dr. Doofenshmirtz replaces Perry the Platypus as his nemesis with a secret agent panda, causing Perry to become depressed.

20(14a and b) "Dude, We're Getting the Band Back Together" March 8, 2008 N/A 114
The boys locate their parents' favorite band, Love Handel, to perform a reunion concert in the backyard to make up for their Dad forgetting his wedding anniversary. Meanwhile, Doofenshmirtz plans a surprise birthday party for his daughter, Vanessa, also planning to launch Perry the Platypus on a giant firecracker as the grand finale.

21(6B) "Tree to Get Ready" March 22, 2008 N/A 106B
The boys build tree-houses for themselves and Candace; Dr. Doofenshmirtz plans to use brainwashed pigeons to destroy a celebration in honor of his brother.

22(13B) "The Ballad of Badbeard" April 12, 2008 N/A 113b
The boys set out on a high-seas adventure after learning from their grandpa about a mysterious pirate, Badbeard; Candace spies Perry and Dr. Doofenshmirtz up to their old tricks after getting infected by a psychedelic moss.

23(17A) "Greece Lightning" April 19, 2008 N/A 117a
The boys stage a chariot race through Danville's streets after learning about ancient Greece; Perry finds his latest enemy to be man—not Doofenshmirtz, but one of his creations: a giant robotic mild-mannered businessman named Norm.

24(17B) "Leave the Busting to Us!" April 19, 2008 N/A 117b
Candace uses a reality show to secretly film her brothers designing a white-water rafting ride; Doofenshmirtz tries to create a new ice age via weather pellets.

25 (11A) "Mom's Birthday" May 10, 2008 N/A 111a
Candace plans a special birthday party for Mom, and even a song, but Phineas and Ferb are always getting in the way of what she planned. Later in the show, though, they let Candace take the best part of all at Mom's party. Doofenshmirtz creates a shrinking machine that will make whatever he hates (pelicans, instruments that start with the letter 'B', blinking traffic arrows, etc.) shrink to the size of an atom.

26(18A) "Crack That Whip" May 24, 2008 N/A 118a
The boys build a roller-derby rink for their grandma, who once was on a championship derby team, so she can skate against her onetime rival, Jeremy's grandma; Doofenshmirtz believes a statue of a bearded Rutherford B. Hayes is mocking him because he can't grow facial hair.

27(18B) "The Best Lazy Day Ever" May 24, 2008 N/A 118b
The boys decide to spend the day doing absolutely nothing, but Candace doesn't believe them and ends up constructing something of her own to try to bust them. Meanwhile, after being considered one of the ugliest people in the region, Doofenshmirtz plans to use an "Uglyinator" to make everyone uglier than him so he'd be the most handsome person in the area.

28(19A) "Boyfriend from 27,000 B.C." June 7, 2008 N/A 119a
Phineas and Ferb revive a caveman from a glacier, but the caveman gets loose into a costume party Candace is attending, who thinks the caveman is Jeremy. Meanwhile, Dr. Doofenshmirtz plans to destroy all people dressed as sandwiches.

29(19B) "Voyage to the Bottom of Buford" June 7, 2008 N/A 119b
When Buford's goldfish, Biff, goes missing, the boys help him find it. Meanwhile, Dr. Doofenshmirtz tries to re-gain his evil reputation after accidentally saving a kitten who fell from a tree.

30(10A) "A Hard Day's Knight" June 14, 2008 N/A 110a
Phineas, Ferb and Candace visit their grandparents in England and the boys create a renaissance fair, where Candace ends up in a jousting tournament. Meanwhile, Perry goes undercover at an evil scientists' convention to track down Dr. Doofenshmirtz.

31(21A) "Traffic Cam Caper" July 12, 2008 N/A 121a
Candace acquires footage from a traffic camera showing proof of her brothers' antics. But Perry, using Dr. Doofenshmirtz's robot Norm, steals it for himself so it can be destroyed since it contains evidence he is a secret agent.

32(21A) "Bowl-R-Rama-Drama" July 12, 2008 N/A 121b
The boys build the world's largest bowling ball and pins to try to beat the world record and get into "The World's Most Pointless Records", but after Candace accidentally disables an internal gyroscope, she loses control and rolls around through downtown Danville. Meanwhile, Doofenshmirtz tries to use giant penguins to freeze Danville so he can sell hot chocolate for a million dollars a cup.

33(25A) "Got Game?" August 2, 2008 N/A 125a
Phineas and Ferb create a sports competition that pits boys against girls to see which are the better athletes. Doofenshmirtz tries to win a dog show.

34(25B) "Comet Kermilian" August 2, 2008 N/A 125b
Phineas and Ferb build an observatory and plan to etch their faces in a comet; Candace is physically tormented by Jeremy's sister Suzy while on an outing with him; Doofenshmirtz buys all the steaks in the city so he can mass-market glasses made from them.

35(20A) "Put That Putter Away" August 10, 2008 N/A 120a
When the town's only miniature golf course is closed, Phineas and Ferb build a giant miniature golf course. Candace gets sick so Stacey decides to bust the boys. Meanwhile, Doofenshmirtz moves into a house on the same street as the Flynn-Fletcher house.

36(20B) "Does This Duckbill Make Me Look Fat?" August 10, 2008 N/A 120b
After watching an old sci-fi film, Phineas and Ferb decide to build a molecular transporter, which switches the minds of Perry and Candace into each other's body after they accidentally go in together. However, Candace is forced to spent most of the day as a platypus as Perry (in Candace's body) goes on a mission to foil Doofenshmirtz's newest scheme; to replace the Mr. Slushy Burger jingle in the statues of mascot "Slushy the Clown" with his own evil jingles.
'Note'When Candance was a platypus, it showed she was sweating milk. In fact, female platypus' sweat milk. Only females do this. That is why you don't see Perry sweating milk.''

37(15A) "Ready for the Bettys" September 12, 2008 N/A 115a
Candace and her friend, Stacy travel on a tour bus with the Bettys, but later realize they're only being used as servants. Meanwhile, the boys accidentally discover Perry's lair and are sent onto a mission intended for him.
Note: This episode was known as "Secret Agent" and ran on February 16, 2008.

38(15B) "The Flying Fishmonger" September 12, 2008[1] N/A 115b
The boys help Ferb's grandfather live his life long dream--to jump a gorge in his motorcycle, the Holy Mackerel. Doofenshmirtz tries to kick sand all over his bully's house.

39(9a and b) "One Good Scare Ought to Do It!" October 3, 2008 N/A 109
Isabella has the hiccups and Phineas and Ferb build a haunted house to scare them away. Candace goes over to Jeremy's house, but is interrupted by his little, criminally-insane sister Suzy. Dr. Doofenshmirtz tries to help his mentor by destroying his lab.

40(22A) "The Monster of Phineas-n-Ferbenstein" October 17, 2008 N/A 122a
The boys learn about one of Ferb's Victorian ancestors, Ferbgor and Dr. Phineastein, who once created a giant platypus monster for a "Monster Ball". Meanwhile while locked in his lab, Doofenshmirtz tells Perry a loosely connected story about his ancestor Dr. Jekyll Doofenshmirtz, and his failed attempts to make a potion that could turn himself into a monster.[2]

41(22B) "Oil on Candace" October 17, 2008 N/A 122b
Phineas and Ferb help their friend Django display his artwork; Doofenshmirtz tries to impress his former Evil Science professor.

42(26A) "Out of Toon" November 7, 2008 N/A 126a
Phineas and Ferb create a superhero cartoon with exaggerated versions of themselves and their friends, while Dr. Doofenshmirtz creates a ray gun that makes people dance.
Note: This episode aired a day before its actual airing date in the UK as part of the new episodes of Phineas and Ferb along with "Hail Doofania!".

43(26B) "Hail Doofania!" November 7, 2008 N/A 126b
In an unusuall role-reversal plot, Dr. Doofenshmirtz builds his own country on a giant inner tube and Vanessa tries to bust him. Meanwhile Phineas and Ferb create a rainbow just for Isabella. Candace and Vanessa accidentally switch clothes at the dry cleaners.
Note: This episode aired a day before its actual airdate in the UK as part of the new episodes of Phineas and Ferb along with Out Of Toon.

44 (24a and b) "Out to Launch" December 5, 2008 N/A 124
Lawrence buys a star for both Phineas and Ferb and Candace online, leading the boys to build a rocket to visit it. Meanwhile, Dr. Doofenshmirtz uses a space station robot to perform a shadow puppet show on the Moon to get back at a former classmate — who himself was a poor puppeteer with "huge hands", but still won over a girl who had been interested in Doofenshmirtz.
Note: The episode aired in Australia as the unaired episode from Spot The Diff.

45 (16a and b) "Phineas and Ferb Get Busted" March 13, 2009 February 16, 2009 116
Within a dream of Perry, Candace sees a dream that she finally busts Phineas and Ferb, leading them to be sent to a militaristic reform school. When Candace realizes what they're doing to her brothers, she teams up with Jeremy to help set them free.

46 (23A) "Unfair Science Fair" March 20, 2009 February 17, 2009 123a
When Baljeet enters the science fair with a design for a portal to Mars, Phineas and Ferb help him build it to scale so he can get his all important grade. Meanwhile, Dr. Doofenshmirtz tries to win first prize at the fair with a baking soda volcano, and Candace competes with a girl for a job at Mr. Slushy Dawg.

47 (23A) "Unfair Science Fair Redux (Another Story)" March 20, 2009 February 18, 2009 123b
Phineas and Ferb try to rescue Candace from Mars, who thinks that nobody, not even her friends want to talk to her. Meanhwile, Perry helps Dr. Doofenshmirtz shop for supplies for his baking soda volcano that he believes will make him win the science fair.
Note: This episode aired on September 11, 2008 on Disney Channel Latinoamerica.
[edit]Season 2: 2009–2010

48 (1a and b) "The Lake Nose Monster" March 27, 2009 February 19, 2009 201
Phineas and Ferb investigate the myth of the legendary "Lake Nose Monster", an inhabitant of Lake Nose. Meanwhile, Doofenshmirtz uses a machine to filter all of the zinc out of the water of the lake, even though he experiences trouble thinking of an evil scheme that could involve zinc.
Title Reference: The Loch Ness Monster

50 (2a) "Interview with a Platypus" May 7, 2009 February 20, 2009 202a
Phineas and Ferb build a translator to see if Perry's chattering noises actually mean anything, but discover it can work on other animals too. Meanwhile, Doofenshmirtz tries to flood the Tri-State Area so he can make it just like Venice, and to force everyone to buy his new Buoyancy Operated Aquatic Transport, or BO-AT for short.
Title Reference: Interview With a Vampire

49 (2b) "Tip of the Day" May 7, 2009 February 20, 2009 202b
Phineas and Ferb learn what the word "aglet" means and try to spread awareness of this to the world, while Candace uses the campaign as an opportunity to become famous. Meanwhile, Doofenshmirtz tries to get an embarrassing video of himself skating into a toilet off the internet by erasing the world's memory of its existence.
Note: This episode originally ran on January 23, 2009, on Toon Disney.

51 (3a) "Attack of the 50 Foot Sister" May 1, 2009 February 21, 2009 203a
Candace drinks a growth elixir Phineas and Ferb created to become tall enough to audition for a modeling career at a local festival, but becomes extremely large as a result. Meanwhile, Doofenshmirtz plots to cover the festival with the smell of dirty diapers.

52 (3b) "Backyard Aquarium" May 1, 2009 February 21, 2009 203b
Phineas and Ferb build a giant aquarium in their backyard for their new goldfish. Meanwhile, Candace awaits a phone call from her boyfriend Jeremy, and Doofenshmirtz plots to disrupt the hot dog vendors of Danville so he can force them to sell bratwurst.

53 (4a) "Day of The Living Gelatin" May 15, 2009 February 28, 2009 204a
The boys are inspired to make gelatin in their pool after Candace tells them to do something with their dessert. But, when Dr. Doofenshmirtz demonstrates his newest invention, the "Turn Everything Evil-inator", it literally brings the gelatin to life.

54 (4b) "Elementary, My Dear Stacy" May 15, 2009 February 28, 2009 204b
The family and Stacy visit London, where Stacy and Candace investigate the boys' newest scheme like how Sherlock Holmes would. Meanwhile, Perry collaborates with a British spy, Double 0-0 or 00 0, to foil Dr. Doofenshmirtz's plan to move Big Ben to Danville as an alternative to reading his tiny watch. Double 00 is probally a reference to James Bond and not a reference to his enemy, Double 00.

55 (5a) "Don't Even Blink" May 29, 2009 April 4, 2009 205a
Candace tries to figure out where all of Phineas and Ferb's always creations go. Meanwhile, Doofenshmirtz experiments with a ray that can make things invisible.

56 (5b) "Chez Platypus" May 29, 2009 April 4, 2009 205b
Phineas and Ferb open a platypus themed restaurant in their backyard, which quickly becomes the trendiest restaurant in town. Meanwhile, Doofenshmirtz goes on a date at the restaurant with a woman also interested in evil, but threatens to use a satellite to eliminate all love in the Tri-State Area if it doesn't go well.

57 (6a) "Perry Lays an Egg" May 22, 2009 April 11, 2009 206a
When Phineas and Ferb find an egg, they believe it belongs to Perry, so they build a mechanical contraption to care for it. When Candace sees what her brothers are doing, her maternal instincts emerge. Meanwhile, Doofenshmirtz plots revenge on whales who told his girlfriend to dump him by means of a whale translation device he created.

58 (6b) "Gaming the System" May 22, 2009 April 11, 2009 206b
Phineas and Ferb create their own video game and program themselves into it. When Candace is accidentally zapped into the game, Phineas and Ferb have to bring her back in time for her cotillion. Meanwhile, Doofenshmirtz creates a device that can put ball gowns onto people to make them girlier (which would make him manlier by comparison)

59 (7a and b) "The Chronicles of Meap" June 19, 2009 April 18, 2009 207
When the boys accidentally knock a spacecraft out of the air with a remote-controlled baseball, Candace discovers an alien named Meap, who she initially believes is a plush toy that had been "robotized" by her brothers. But when Phineas, Ferb and Isabella are captured by Mitch, a rogue alien bounty hunter trying to capture the "cute" creature, Candace and Meap are forced to help rescue them. Meanwhile, when Dr. Doofenshmirtz tries to retrieve a balloon he had treated as a friend in his childhood using static electricity, he and Perry are launched into the crossfire of the battle with Mitch. Guest stars: David Mitchell[disambiguation needed] as Mitch
Title Reference: The Chronicles of Narnia

60 (8a) "Thaddeus and Thor" July 3, 2009 June 15, 2009 208a
When Candace meets Mandy, the sister of a pair of brothers who also like to build ambitious projects, the two ultimately force their brothers to compete in building forts. Meanwhile at a family reunion, Dr. Doofenshmirtz tries to win a game of kickball with a robotic kicking leg.

61 (8b) "De Plane! De Plane!" July 3, 2009 June 15, 2009 208b
Phineas and Ferb build a passenger plane out of papier-mâché to rival the famous Spruce Goose. Meanwhile, Candace and Stacy visit a pool party at Jeremy's house, and Doofenshmirtz builds an evaporation machine out of recycled materials.

62 (9a) "Let's Take a Quiz" July 10, 2009 June 22, 2009 209a
When Candace learns Jeremy is going to appear in a television commercial, she decides to compete against Buford in a game show Phineas and Ferb are producing. Meanwhile, Doofenshmirtz plots to melt local television station towers to curb an addiction to ordering products from infomercials.

63 (9b) "At the Car Wash" July 10, 2009 June 22, 2009 209b
Phineas and Ferb help Isabella and the Fireside Girls meet their fundraising goals by building the world’s most elaborate automatic car wash; Doofenshmirtz tries to literally make mountains out of molehills.

64 (10a) "Oh, There You Are, Perry" July 24, 2009 July 11, 2009 210a
When Perry is re-assigned to a new villain after Dr. Doofenshmirtz is downgraded to a low-level threat, the boys believe Perry has gone missing and try to get him back. Meanwhile, after learning of the downgrade, Dr. Doofenshmirtz tries to use an internship with the new villain to help Perry defeat him. Candace blames herself for Perry's disappearance because she kicked him out of the house after tripping on him.

65 (10b) "Swiss Family Phineas" July 24, 2009 July 11, 2009 210b
After becoming marooned on an island after a storm, Phineas and Ferb build an elaborate island tree house as a shelter. Meanwhile in a inactive volcano on the island, Dr. Doofenshmirtz enslaves monkeys to help him start a laundry cleaning business so he can eventually replace all the laundromats in the Tri-State Area with a franchise of "Evilology" institutes.
Title Reference: Swiss Family Robinson

66 (13a) "Hide and Seek" July 31, 2009 July 18, 2009 213a
Candace tries to bust her brothers when, to play a game of indoor hide and seek, Phineas and Ferb shrink down their friends including their new extreme fan, Irving. Meanwhile, Dr. Doofenshmirtz attaches a nanobot to Perry in an attempt to discover where he lives.

67 (13b) "That Sinking Feeling" July 31, 2009 July 18, 2009 213b
Baljeet wants to impress his childhood friend from India, so he enlists Phineas and Ferb to help woo her. However, none of their over-the-top romantic gestures impress her, as she likes Baljeet for who he really is. Meanwhile, Perry must stop the sleep deprived Dr. Doofenshmirtz from moving the Danville Lighthouse to the other side of town so that he isn't bothered by all the ships.

68 (14a) "The Baljeatles" August 7, 2009 July 25, 2009 214a
Baljeet enlists the help of Phineas and Ferb to create a song to perform at a summer camp concert, Candace sets Stacy up with Coltrane, Doofenshmirtz plots to create an army of babies by broadcasting his heartbeat across the city on a speaker.
Title Reference: The Beatles

69 (14b) "Vanessassary Roughness" August 7, 2009 July 25, 2009 214b
Dr. Doofenshmirtz gives his daughter Vanessa an assignment to retrieve a container at a mall containing a rare element for him to prove she is responsible enough to have her own car, but Perry (who is trying to get it away from Dr. Doofenshmirtz), Baljeet (who wants to use it in a science project), and Candace (who thinks the item is a lantern she can give to Jeremy) are also trying to get the capsule.
Title Reference: Necessary Roughness

70 (15a) "No More Bunny Business" August 14, 2009 August 1, 2009 215a
Candace finds a rabbit outside her house and decides to take it in as a pet. However, the rabbit is actually a rogue agent named Dennis, who Perry is trying to prevent from hacking into the Agency's mainframe. Meanwhile, Phineas and Ferb develop actual X-ray glasses after being ripped off by a novelty variety, and due to Perry's absence, Dr. Doofenshmirtz appoints a potted plant as his nemesis.
Title Reference: No More Monkey Business

71 (15b) "Spa Day" August 14, 2009 August 1, 2009 215b
Candace and Stacy become sidetracked from a scheduled spa appointment after going to a volunteer house building project simply because Jeremy was there, so the two get their service from a spa built by Phineas and Ferb. Meanwhile, a stray cat Dr. Doofenshmirtz takes in as a pet causes chaos at his lab.

72 (12a and b) "Phineas and Ferb's Quantum Boogaloo" September 25, 2009 September 21, 2009 212
After encountering them in the future, an older version of Candace decides to steal Phineas and Ferb's time machine and go back in time to the day they built a rollercoaster so she can help the present Candace catch them in the act. But when her actions cause a chain reaction turning the future into a dystopian society led by Dr. Doofenshmirtz, the future Candace decides to enlist her present brothers to help restore the good future.

73 (11) "Phineas and Ferb's Musical Cliptastic Countdown" October 16, 2009 October 12, 2009 211
Major Monogram and Dr. Doofenshmirtz present a viewer-voted countdown of songs from season 1, while Doofenshmirtz himself plots to take over the world with a song that is scientifically engineered to permanently become stuck in the mind.

74 (16a) "Bubble Boys" October 30, 2009 October 3, 2009 (UK) 216a
When Phineas and Ferb create the largest and most durable bubble ever, them, the Fireside Girls, Buford and Baljeet get trapped inside it flying around the city. Meanwhile, Candace practices driving, and Dr. Doofenshmirtz uses a voice-altering cowboy hat to help him spread propaganda through country music.
Note: This episode premiered on Disney XD, in the UK, on October 3, 2009.

75 (16b) "Isabella and the Temple of Sap" October 30, 2009 October 3, 2009 (UK) 216b
Isabella and her Fireside Girls troop try to retrieve a rare variety of tree sap for Phineas and Ferb's bubble project from an abandoned amusement park. Meanwhile, Pinky the Chihuahua's nemesis Professor Poofenplotz tries to steal a supply of her favorite, but discontinued hair spray.
Title Reference: Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom

76 (17a) "Cheer Up, Candace" November 13, 2009 October 24, 2009 217a
After feeling depressed when Jeremy cancels his date, Phineas and Ferb try to cheer Candace up. Meanwhile, Dr. Doofenshmirtz frames Perry the Platypus for a series of crimes by using clones of him.
Note: This episode premiered on Disney XD, in the UK, on October 10, 2009.

77 (17b) "Fireside Girl Jamboree" November 13, 2009 October 24, 2009 217b
Candace tries to get 50 patches in one day to join the Fireside Girls so she can get tickets to see a Paisley Sideburn Brothers performance at their jamboree. Meanwhile Dr. Doofenshmirtz tries to halt Fireside Girls cupcake sales by using a device that can turn metal into broccoli.
Note: This episode premiered on Disney XD, in the UK, on October 10, 2009.

78 (18a) "The Bully Code" November 27, 2009 October 31, 2009 218a
Buford vows to become Baljeat's slave after he saves him from choking on a hot dog by eating four at once. Meanwhile, Candace tries to prevent Jeremy from seeing embarrassing photos she accidentally sent to his phone, and Dr. Doofenshmirtz tries to get back at an ice cream truck driver who drove over one of his feet.

79 (18b) "Finding Mary McGuffin" November 27, 2009 October 31, 2009 218b
When Lawrence accidentally sells Candace's Little Mary McGuffin doll to Dr. Doofenshmirtz as a gift for his daughter Vanessa, Phineas and Ferb try and investigate it like movie detectives. Meanwhile, Dr. Doofenshmirtz tries to retrieve an working on-off switch for his newest device.

80 (19a) "Picture This" December 4, 2009 November 7, 2009 220a
When Phineas and Ferb create a teleporter that can retrieve objects from anywhere by scanning in photographs, Candace tries to expose it to Linda by teleporting her back from a Mexican-Jewish cultural festival. Meanwhile, Dr. Doofenshmirtz tries to rid the world of mimes by trapping them in actual invisible boxes.

81 (19b) "Nerdy Dancin´" December 4, 2009 November 7, 2009 220b
Unsure of his own dancing skills when he agrees to with Candace on the popular television show "Let's All Dance Until We're Sick," the boys develop an exoskeleton allowing Jeremy's movements to be controlled by Ferb. Meanwhile, Dr. Doofenshmirtz and his organization of other mad scientists try to get an evil message broadcast on the show.

82 (20a) "What Do It Do?" January 15, 2010 November 14, 2009 219a
When one of Doofenshmirtz's inventions lands in their front yard, Phineas and Ferb try to figure out what it does. Meanwhile, Dr. Doofenshmirtz reminisces about a date he had with Linda Flynn.

83 (20b) "Atlantis" January 15, 2010 November 14, 2009 219b
On a trip to the beach, Phineas and Ferb discover the lost city of Atlantis, Candace enters a sand castle building contest, and Dr. Doofenshmirtz tries to use a growth formula to turn plants evil.

84 (22a, b and c) "Phineas and Ferb Christmas Vacation" December 11, 2009 December 6, 2009 222
After Phineas, Ferb and thier friends help decorate the city to celebrate the arrival of Santa Claus, Dr. Doofenshmirtz, after finally finding a reason to hate Christmas, uses his Naughty-inator to try and ruin the holiday for everyone. As a result, the boys and their friends try to help save Christmas for Danville.

85 (24a) "Just Passing Through" February 12, 2010 February 6, 2010 224a
When Phineas and Ferb create an orb that allows its user to pass through objects to help find Linda's guitar pick, Candace attempts to bust her brothers with it. Meanwhile, Dr. Doofenshmirtz tries to destroy a statue honoring his brother Roger.

86 (24b) "Candace's Big Day" February 12, 2010 February 6, 2010 224b
When Phineas and Ferb offer to host Aunt Tiana and Uncle Bob’s wedding in the Flynn-Fletcher's backyard, Candace tries to prevent the boys from messing up the wedding and stealing attention away from her role as maid of honor. Meanwhile, Dr. Doofenshmirtz builds a device to turn all healthy foods in the city into junk food, believing that overweight people would be easier to enslave.

87 (21a) "I Was a Middle Aged Robot" February 26, 2010 February 13, 2010 221b
Lawrence's memory is accidentally erased by a gadget in Perry's lair before participating in a father-daughter race with Candace, so Perry operates a robot version of Lawrence to fill in for him. Meanwhile, Dr. Doofenshmirtz invents "Eulg," an opposite of glue which breaks stuff apart rather than joining it together.
Title Reference: I was a Teenaged robot

88 (21b) "Suddenly Suzy" February 26, 2010 February 13, 2010 221a
Candace and Suzy try to get Phineas and Ferb to bust themselves whilst they build a replica of Niagara Falls so they can ride a barrel over it. Meanwhile, Dr. Doofenshmirtz builds a giant foot out of carbon paper believing that it'll increase his carbon footprint.
Title Reference: Most likely Suddenly Salad

89 (23a) "Undercover Carl" March 5, 2010 February 13, 2010 223a
When the boys build an Anti-Gravity Fun Launcher, Carl accidentally discovers their plans on the internet and presumes they are working for Dr. Doofenshmirtz, so he is sent undercover to figure out what they are doing. Meanwhile, Doofenshmirtz intercepts the plans himself and attempts to find a use for it, and Perry is sent on a literal wild goose chase to retrieve a lost agent.
Title Reference: Undercover Boss

90 (23b) "Hip Hip Parade" March 5, 2010 February 13, 2010 223b
Phineas and Ferb decide to help build floats for all the neighborhood kids in the yearly "Tri-State Area Unification Day" parade, but a family grudge leads Buford and his family to try and wreak havoc on the parade. Meanwhile, Dr. Doofenshmirtz tries to create traffic jams with a duplication device.[3]

91 (25a) "Invasion of the Ferb Snatchers" April 16, 2010 [4] February 20, 2010 225a
After watching a sci-fi movie marathon, Candace becomes convinced that Ferb is an alien. Meanwhile, Dr. Doofenshmirtz plans to auction off an old invention, the Wrapped-Up-In-A-Nice-Little-Bow-Inator (which compresses objects into small wrapped boxes) by marketing it as a cleaning device. Note: This episode aired in the UK on Disney XD (UK & Ireland) in 15 April 2010.
Title Reference: Invasion of the Body Snatchers

92 (25b) "Ain't No Kiddie Ride" April 16, 2010 [5] February 20, 2010 225b
When the boys trick out the kiddie rides at a store, Candace is sent across Danville on a rocket ride after trying to keep it from moving so she can bust them. Meanwhile, Dr. Doofenshmirtz tries to burn his name into the atmosphere to maintain his legacy.
Note: This episode aired in the UK on Disney XD (UK & Ireland) on 15 April 2010.

93 (28a) "Not Phineas and Ferb" May 14, 2010 February 27, 2010 228a
Irving’s brother Albert doesn’t believe that Phineas and Ferb are anything special, and since he claims to be the “Truth Detector,” he can prove it. Desperate to prove Albert wrong, Irving convinces Baljeet and Buford to pose as Phineas and Ferb beside a giant hologram of the boys’ Eiffel Tower construction. Meanwhile, Dr. Doofenshmirtz is fed up with the quality of accessories for his model train set, and decides to shrink down a variety of national monuments to add to his collection.

94 (28b) "Phineas and Ferb-Busters" May 14, 2010 February 27, 2010 228b
Candace, Stacy, and Jenny team up to try and bust Phineas and Ferb together. Meanwhile, Dr. Doofenshmirtz enlists a new robot to replace Norm, but a power surge causes it to glitch and turn against him.

95 (29a) "The Lizard Whisperer" June 11, 2010 March 6, 2010 229a
When a new pet lizard they discover grows to a gigantic size due to the effects of one of Doofenshmirtz's inventions, Phineas and Ferb try to get him back. Meanwhile, Doofenshmirtz learns a song from Jeremy so he can use it to summon an alien army with his Every-Directional-Amplifinator Gigantinator

96 (29b) "Robot Rodeo" June 11, 2010 March 6, 2010 229b
Phineas and Ferb hold a rodeo in the backyard with robotic bulls, Candace tries to keep focused, Dr. Doofenshmirtz competes against members of L.O.V.E.M.U.F.F.I.N. and others in an Inator Creator competition.

97 (27a and b) "The Beak" March 12, 2010 March 8, 2010 227
Phineas and Ferb take on a heroic alter-ego as "The Beak" when unexpectedly becoming superheroes with an indestructible suit they built for an extreme skate track. But, when the villain Khaka Peü Peü discovers them, he tries to terrorize the city, and only The Beak can stop him. Meanwhile, Dr. Doofenshmirtz is temporarily given the mayoral post by his brother Roger to prevent him from being blamed for Khaka Peü Peü's presence.
Guest stars: Ben Stiller as Khaka Peü Peü and Christine Taylor as Khaka Peü Peü's nagging wife

98 (31a) "She's The Mayor" TBA June 14, 2010 231a
Candace is awarded the opportunity to be mayor for the day, so she create laws that can bust her brothers. Back at home, Phineas and Ferb build an authentic log cabin and pioneer village. Meanwhile, Dr. Doofenshmirtz is scheduled to play golf with his brother Rodger.

99 (31b) "The Lemonade Stand" TBA June 14, 2010 231b
Phineas and Ferb build the ultimate lemonade stand and begin to offer franchise opportunities. Meanwhile, Candace and Stacy’s relationship is put to the test when Candace feels she must pick between their friendship and busting her brothers, while Dr. Doofenshmirtz creates a “Paper-Cut-Inator” so that he can make millions selling band-aids.

TBA (26a and b) "Wizard of Odd" TBA TBA 226
Mom says that Phineas and Ferb have to clean the house and she asks Candace to help, but she refused and instead read the book Mom gave her: The Wizard of Oz. Phineas and Ferb have to spin the house and spray it with a hose, but they spin the house too fast and accidentally knock Candace out, sending her into a Wizard of Oz-esque dream world. At first she finds Perry lying on her and finds out her house has landed in the other world. She journeys to "Bustopolis" to bust her brothers, but soon discovers that evil forces are attempting to get the boots that have grown on her feet.
Note: This episode aired on April 9, 2010 in Disney Channel Australia. A Wizard of Oz parody. Also called "The Wizard of Odd".

TBA (30a) "The Secret of Success" TBA TBA 230a
Phineas and Ferb build an all-terrain vehicle and travel on several surfaces. Doof holds a evil marathon. Meanwhile Baljeet, Stacy and Candace are at a convention.
Note: This episode premiered in Germany on June 4, 2010 on Disney XD.

TBA (30b) "The Doof Side of The Moon" TBA TBA 230b