Wednesday, December 01, 2010

Poop On Coupons

I dislike coupons.  I dislike coupons so much that one might say that I hate them.  I dislike/hate coupons for one reason:  Time.  Coupons take time and organization and a general "like" of coupons.

As an aside, I wonder if you can "like" coupons in facebook?  Please hold.... Nope, there isn't a group called "coupon" but there are all sorts of coupon groups with other words added to "like."  I did not (nor will I ever) choose to "like" any group in the facebook with "coupon" in its sobriquet.

I also dislike grocery shopping.  It's the reason I don't really cook any more.  Shopping for food is time consuming, expensive, and laboriously boring.  And as if grocery shopping isn't difficult enough, as if spending thousands of dollars on stuff -- that's only discharged -- isn't wasteful enough, as if the agony of ornery people and screaming kids is not annoying enough, the grocery store and grocery product people have to throw the coupon game into it.

I've always said poop-on-the-coupon and it's because of two scenarios.  The first scenario, I like to call the Save-It-Til-It-Expires scenario, and it goes like this:  I find a coupon worth using.  I save it in the coupon folder for a while, and eventually forget about it.  Then, when I'm out shopping, I remember the coupon, whip it out, and hand it to the cashier.  The cashier returns the coupon to me with that "it's expired ma'am" pucker.  I sheepishly purchase the product anyway because my pride keeps me from saying, "I don't want it if I hafta pay full price." Now I've just purchased something that perhaps I didn't intend to purchase, AND I paid full price for it.

The second scenario is the most frustrating.  I like to call this one the No-Time-For-Your-Damn-Mistakes scenario, and it goes like this:  I need something, and I'm in a hurry.  Just this last time I needed a two-liter bottle for Yahoo #1's bottle rocket scout situation.  We don't buy pop (insert my smug-high-horse-holier-than-thou-we-don't-buy-pop face), so I need to run to the store all quick-like for pop or something in a two-liter bottle.  While looking about, I see a "Free Minute Maid Lemonade with Watermelon Purchase" coupon draped about a lemonade bottle -- it looked just like a large do-not-disturb sign, a total hind-sight-warning if you ask me.  So I think, "Hey! I would love a watermelon today," put the lemonade in my basket and stroll on over to the watermelons.  At check out, the lady is gabbing about whatever it is I'm cooking for dinner -- like they always do, why do they do that? -- and rings me up.  Just as I picked up the bagged goods, I looked at the receipt, in the which I discover that I paid $1.18 (or something like that) for that "free" lemonade.  Hey!" says I.  "That lemonade should have been free."  The lady then responds with "You'll have to go through customer service to get your money back."  I'm in a hurry, and it's not worth that buck eighteen to stand in line for ten minutes.  I walk out with lemonade and a watermelon, both of which I paid full price.

The coupon people hand out coupons because of people like me.

I really don't like coupons and I say poop on the coupons.  But last weekend something magical happened.  I was able to use and abuse this coupon system without it abusing me.  Costco does this coupon mailer thing -- you know, where they send coupons in the mail -- and I noticed that there were about seven or eight items in that mailer that we use on a regular basis.  So I clipped those coupons, headed to Costco and bought only items with coupons.  I saved $25.50!

In coupon dollars, that's a lot of dollars.

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9 comments:

Julia said...

And to top it all off, they said to you, "Thank you! Please come again." And I thought you hated Costco. I have similar frustrations with coupons, but if my coupon is expired, I NEVER buy the product. I, apparently, have no shame and it totally embarrasses Ryan. :)

Celeste said...

Try this'n next time: my Costco will still honor the coupon even if you dont bother to bring it in!!! HA! I love my Costco! So I do my regular shopping, no pressure to buy anything I don't really need, then at checkout I demurely ask if "any of this is on the coupon mailer?" and they say oh sure- swipe! It's a happy day.

Ryan said...

troop on, groupon

rabidrunner said...

Julia and Celeste, perhaps you could give me some shopping lessons?

Ryan, I signed up for this groupon and wouldn't you know! Today's deal is pole dancing lessons.

Spouse said...

My opinion of coupons just changed...

Lynnie said...

I love this post! Down with coupons! My time is worth more to me than the "savings". I'm also am not a big fan of the Costco. Probably because there are only 2 and 1/2 of us living here and we don't require bulk anything.

Staci said...

I don't believe in coupons. I think in general they are a total scam. If you were going to buy the product anyway, go ahead and use the coupon but otherwise . . . even those Costco coupons drive me nuts because the product still might be cheaper at Wal-mart, just smaller. Who really cares about my opinions on coupons but you know, I have some very strong opinions about them. What does that say about my life?

Birde Girls said...

still laughing my ars off.. i love the spouse's comments.. freaking hilarious.. by the way birdegirls are the blond and red that join in on Saturdays.. but blonde cant sleep at night.. maybe red cant either but haven't asked her.. can you publish this stuff? I would buy it coupon or no coupon. Maybe you should be the the soup Nazi but the coupon Nazi on Seinfeld? Maybe you should write sitcoms? This stuff is FUNNY!

Birde Girls said...

here is a suggestion for a post.. the how, why and more on band names.. Def Leppard (how do you spell that?), Prince, Maddona, Bon Jovi.. I wanna know the history of how they chose their artist/band name..Ponder that one.. maybe it has already been witten.. who knows.. I just clean the house all day, referee and try to learn how to spell