Friday, October 01, 2010

Shmear Socks

I have a thing for socks.  I like socks that are loud and colorful.  I like socks that say "wow."  I like geometric shapes and stripes, stars and flowers, hearts and dots, skulls and tie-die.  I like socks that are long and to the knee or just above the ankle.  I have a things for socks.

It shouldn't come as a surprise, then, to know that I have a special pair of socks for each special occasion.  Christmas, New Years, Halloween, April Fools Day, Columbus Day, Flag Day -- I have socks for many special occasions.

One such occasion, worthy of its own pair of socks, is the Pap Shmear.  I call it the Shmear, because it sounds more like a I'm going for a bagel with my favorite spread as opposed to being the actual spread.

The Pap Shmear is a special occasion, yes?  Once a year, we women folk have the pleasure and opportunity to Spread for a Shmear.  Sometimes you get other stuff, but the Spread and the Shmear are the main event.  I have special Shmear Socks.  They come out once a year (or every 18 months, oops!)  When I wake on Shmear Day, instead of groaning that, "Oh no!  It's Shmear Day," I exclaim, "Oh yes!  It's Shmear Day.  I get to wear my Shmear Socks."

I'm beginning to think this Shmear Sock strategy is my greatest scheme to date, for it gives you and the doc something to talk about besides your what's-it.  


Maybe next year I'll find some socks with uteruses (prounounced ute-tres-es) on 'em.  Now that would be rad.

P.S.  This post brought to you by the Santa Clara Library.  I had 43 minutes left on my paid-for-internet-minutes and had time to kill.  I have 34 minutes left.  Maybe you'll get another post?  Or maybe I should proof-read this one.  I'll proof-read.

-

8 comments:

Jessica said...

Guess what you just reminded me to do? Put in my calendar, "schedule pap shmear."

Thanks!

lifein360 said...

AHHHH that post burned my ears. Ack!!!

Lars said...

Funny. Really funny.

Sparks said...

Good news. Changes to the guidelines. You only have to do them every two years. Just like your temple recommend.

Jessica said...

You know what I just realized? It appears this picture was taken at the doctor's office. Correct? I feel so loved that you think of your readers whilst getting a Pap Shmear. That's true love.

StupidBike said...

i would wear those, only those, no robe for me though, at my company we have something called PAP (publish ahead of print)

When we were settingit up online, the first 2 titles added to that were (i can't make this shit up)

Sexually Transmitted Diseases

&

Obstetrics & Gynecology

There were some very unfortunate and uncomfortable project meetings with that, then there are the pictures that the QA team had to see....

Heidi said...

Oh rabidrunner, you never let a person down! I haven't checked out a blog in months and thank goodness I did today. Maybe, just maybe, I will book my own appointment so I can experience the joy of "Shmear Day"!!! First, I better find some Shmear soxs, then book the appointment!!

Good luck today!
Run rabidrunner RUN!!

rabidrunner said...

360, I'm here to remind you of the luxuries associated with being a dude.

Sparks, they said that in my last appointment. However, that's just the pap, the exam is still required, you know to screen for all the down-there and up-there cancers. I'm getting up there in age now, you know, so screening for the down-there and up-there cancers is important.

Jessica, what else do you do when you have an hour to kill in the doctor's office? You have the Spouse take a photo to prove that I ain't all talk on this here blog. I'm not making up this Shmear Sox Situation. It's the real deal. Oh, and yes, Spouse comes. To hold my hand and whatnot.

StupidBike, yes, thanks for the visual. But you've sparked an interest... what does PAP really stand for? Please hold while I investigate... it's stands for "Papanicolaou" and now I know why I've never taken an interest to knowing. Pap-an-nickle-wow!

Thanks, Heidi, love yer guts.