Thursday, September 23, 2010

Costume Crisis

I have a marathon in eight days and have no idea what I'm going to wear.  I usually get something new 'n fresh to spice it up a bit.  I don't currently own anything spicy enough, and I cannot find anything spicy enough.  What I wear is usually the first of decisions made, and is by far the most paramount of prerace prearrangements. The only thing more important than the racing robes is the marathon selection itself.

First question is always, "What marathon am I going to run?"

Second question is always, "What am I going to wear?"

This is indeed a crisis. A costume crisis, an ensemble emergency, a dress disaster, a fashion fiasco, a crossroad for cothes, an apparel affliction, a disaster of the duds, a wardrobe washout, a clothing calamity, an ordeal of the outfit, and a wardrobe wallop.  I'm a gear whore who's got the gout. Not having the appropriate assortment of wearables might mishap my marathon into a running rig ruin

A crisis indeed.  I have real troubles, people.  Real troubles.

Now why would the marathon mufti be so important?  It's simple, really.  If the race goes raunchy, I'll have some tawdry threads to fall back on.  Racing in the proper regalia opines loudly that I might not be fast, but I sure am fly.

If only I had a sponsor.  If I had a sponsor, the uniform of utility would be a shoe-in  Vera suggested that I wear nothing but duct tape.  Not a bad idea, I must say.  Duct tape comes in all colors and textures now.   If I race all dolled up in duct tape, I might get myself in the newspaper.  Maybe even on the front page.  If I get myself on the front page wearing nothing but duct tape, then perhaps the duct tape people will sponsor me!  I could get free duct tape for any and all! 

Can you imagine a more useful sponsor than duct tape?  I can't.



rookie cookie said...

If you wore duct tape, you would probably sweat it off and then you would be naked by the time you crossed the finish line and then you really would be in the newspaper.

"Mormon Mother of Two From Utah Crosses Finish Line in the Nude".

If you are considering costumes, I recommend this little ditty.

You would look like a million bucks.

Lars said...

The duct tape could serve a dual know pre race waxing.

rabidrunner said...

Holy crap Rookie. I want that outfit. That's a hot one -- trumps my current collection of naughty underwear. It's naughty and geeky all at the same time! (Of course I'd need a substantially younger and taughter bod.) Spouse could wear the Chewy and holler at me when I get dunked in the carbonite.

Lars, the waxing did occur to me, and is now fortuitous 'cause I'll need a good waxing for Rookie's outfit.

Sparks said...

I say you wear the mansie that you made for Spouse years ago. (Was it for him or for a white elephant shindig?)

Filthy #1 said...

You sound like a roadie ;) Except for the duct tape part. I've never heard a roadie think about wearing duct tape... But everything else, yup, a roadie. But roadies look fly, don't they?

megan said...

holy alliteration batman!

lifein360 said...

I think you should wear a variation of the Lady Gaga meat dress. Yours could be made out of beef jerky instead. It would provide awesome protein supplementation during and post race...which is key to recovery. Plus, you will have tons of men chasing you (those damn predators) and that is NEVER a bad thing. Right?

Blackdog said...

Duct tape is so 80's.

Makell said...

Duct tape sounds like a nip ripper to me! Ouch- but very sexy indeed!

rabidrunner said...

Sparks, the mansie is not a bad idea. And then when I have to take leak, I can just undo the snaps.

Filthy #1, you're a roadie. A filthy roadie.

Megan, you noticed the alliterations! Thanks for noticing.

360, that's the best suggestion all day. Especially about the jerky being the best of recovery methods. I do that, you know, eat some jerky after. I tell you what, that Gaga lady is a smart one. She knows exactly what she's doing. And it's working. Maybe an outfit made o' meat could turn me into Running Gaga. Oh and about all those men chasing the meat, we were just discussing the other day that if a woman wants to attract a man, she should wear bacon perfume.

Blackdog, are you saying I belong in the 80s? Or leave the duct tape in the 80s? Or are you just sayin' that duct tape came from the 80s?

Makell, hadn't thought of the nip ripping. The hair ripping is fine, but not the nip ripping. Ouch is right.