Wednesday, July 14, 2010

Runner's Whorehouse

Today, at precisely 1:38pm MDT, UPS delivered a package from the Whorehouse,  the Running Whorehouse.  Do you run?  Do you buy running gear?  Then you must become in-the-know about this Running Whorehouse.

Actually, it's the Running Warehouse, but whorehouse is more fun to say.  I have an unhealthy relationship with that word "whore."  Not unhealthy in a got-herpes-and-gone-to-Korea kind of unhealthy, but more of a wow-that-word-sure-is-fun-to-say-and-holler-at-people-especially-Spouse kind of unhealthy.

Go ahead, say it:  Whore. Whore. Whore. Whore.  Doesn't that just feel awesome?  Say it again!  Whore!

I'll tell you what provides more fun 'n frolic than saying the word "whore," it's getting a package from the Running Store Fer Whores, also known as, the Running Warehouse.  Opening a package from the Whorehouse always makes the eyeballs roll back, toes curl, and gleek glands glisten.  See for yourself:

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Notice the Brooks Ghost.  Those babes were $40 off!  Forty bucks is a lot of bucks.

Now didn't that just make your eyeballs roll back, toes curl, and gleek glands glisten?  I know, right?!  Want more toe-curling action?  Let's tell you about a secret. The Running Whorehouse doesn't charge sales tax* and provides free two-day shipping** to any and all.   Plus, there's more.  If you go to www.runningwarehouse.com, click on "Team Discounts" at the top, then enter "CP20", you'll get 15% off everything.  Fifteen big percentages off everything!  (Well, everything that isn't Mizuno or Asics.) 

Look at me share the love for my favorite red-light-district-cat-house.

*Make sure you claim that unpaid sales tax on your state tax return.  Cause, you know, it's the law and whatnot to declare purchases made out of state and pay state taxes on those purchases.  This is called the Use Tax.  Mr. Lifein360, I can't help you for I know nothing of Canadian tax laws.


**Free shipping evidently applies to those in the contiguous United States, as my friends in Canada have so properly pointed out.

As if the Whorehouse delivery isn't enough, I'm in a current state of Luluphoria.  Luluphoria is what happens when you've got yourself an in-transit package from Lululemon.  Luluphoria not only produces the eyeball roll, toe curl, gleak gland flurry, but the tongue tends to hang out the mouth and to one side.  Limply.  

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8 comments:

C.C. said...

I'm glad to see that this post is labeled with Nerdgasm seeing as how it sounds like you just had a double gasm....and now I see why you said dreams really do come true.

tom lindsey said...

My wife knits socks for my daughter from bamboo thread and now I see that you wear them too. Must be a girl thing.

Jessica said...

Oh boy. I love the Lululemon. I love going in the store and experiencing the Luluphoria whilst I touch all the products in the store. Gently.

C.C. said...

Jessica would be a gentle gal. Sounds like Rabid likes it rough, you know with all that pounding (of the pavement) she does. No wonder things are left limp afterwards.

Slash how is that this has been up for nine hours and only THREE people have commented? Seriously?! This post was absolutely hilarious. I laughed. I smirked. I rolled on the floor some.

Anonymous said...

I have to pay a fair amount to get running whorehouse to ship to me here in Saskatchewan, but it still ends up being cheaper than any stores. Oh and there is only one Lulu store in my province, and for some ridiculous unknown reason, this is the only region in all of North American that they will not ship to?? I don't quite understand that one, i need to move obviously.

lifein360 said...

the whorehouse got my attention but then you lost me when I realized it was about shopping. ;)

rabidrunner said...

Tom - haven't you seen the Bamboo Sock campaigns? No? It goes something like this, "Bamboo Socks: They're not just for girls."

Seriously, you should try running in them. Yer feet will never be so happy. Except, well, when they aren't as happy.

Jessica - You have a lulu? We have no lulu. I hear there's kind of a Park City lulu, but nothing worth the drive. Maybe I'm wrong about that. I should make the drive one of these days.

CC - Was it really that funny? I thought it was funny, but I always think I'm funny.

Anonymous - You've just pointed out that "free shipping to any and all" is an incorrect statement. I must enter a clarification. Saskatchewa has something worth staying for, right? I mean, shopping isn't everything -- as lifein360 has pointed out.

Oh and Lifein360 - Something tells me that a whorehouse wouldn't have enough activity to accommodate your active lifestyle... You are your 100k+ weekends.

C.C. said...

It really was that funny, at least for me. And Rabid dear, you are always funny.