Spouse has a new bike.
Do you wanna know the best way to sneak in a major purchase? Like a bike? Send your endearing sweetheart away on a 24-hour foot race, like, say, oh, The Wasatch Back Relay. And after your sweetheart has been awake for, oh, say, 30 hours straight, and has run her guts out, up hill for many miles, send a text message that goes something like this:
"On a scale of 1 to 37 how mad would you be if I bought a new bike?"
Calculating, right? Also notice that the scale of 1 to 37 was sent on the very last day of this endearing spouse's (my) 37th year. As if that's not a reminder that I'll never be that young again. Such a calculating little floozy isn't he?
I love that word, floozy. Spouse is such a floozy. A floozy with a new bike.
At our house, we only have so much room for bikes. And since Spouse added a new bicycle to the residence, it means one of the old bikes must go. After many minutes of meticulous meditation, we decided the Nishiki must go. It's an old and heavy bike. No one wants an old heavy bike these days so we left it on the front lawn, hoping... praying... pleading... that someone would just come by and steal it.
After leaving this Nishiki treasure on the front lawn, we ventured out for a bike ride. We came home to this:
Who do you think put that there? Santa? The Easter Bunny? The Bike Fairy? I'll tell you who put that there. It was the Filthy Nelsons. And they had the help of Evil Zimm. (P.S. Look at the green of that grass. That's some green-ass-grass. I'll bet our grass is greener than the Joneses. Or at least greener than the Filthy Nelson's.)
ACT-choo-ly, and for the record, I called Spouse (after the "how mad" text) and told him to either buy the dumb bike or shut up about it. I swear. For a whole year now, I've heard him yak-yak-yak-yak about a new bike. All day and into the night, yak-yak-yak. You'd think this new bike was a naked lady. I don't really care about the price tag for this new bike - pay any and all amounts of money - just don't talk about it anymore!
A new bike warrants a playlist, don't you think?
Bicycle Race - Queen
Enjoy The Ride - Morcheeba Feat. Judie Tzuke
Buildings & Mountains - The Republic Tigers
Take Me Home Country Roads - John Denver
Misty Mountain Hop - Led Zeppelin
Happy Trails - Dale Evans and Roy Rogers
Ride - The Dandy Warhols
Rollin' Through the Sunshine - Trailer Choir
Heaven's Trail (No Way Out) - Tesla
Middle Of The Road - The Pretenders
Why Don't We Do It In The Road? - The Beatles
King Of The Road - Roger Miller
Moving Mountains - Thrice
Country Road - James Taylor
Rural Route - John Mellencamp
The High Road - Broken Bells
When The Road Runs Out - Blonde Redhead + Devastations
Wreck of the Edmund Fitzgerald - Gordon Lightfoot
Slow Ride - Sublime
Bike - Pink Floyd
Tall Boy - Widespread Panic
Incidentally, I'm using this new fangled Marsedit thing for blog posts. The paragraphing is weird. So bear with me 'til I figure it out.