Spouse has a new bike.
Do you wanna know the best way to sneak in a major purchase? Like a bike? Send your endearing sweetheart away on a 24-hour foot race, like, say, oh, The Wasatch Back Relay. And after your sweetheart has been awake for, oh, say, 30 hours straight, and has run her guts out, up hill for many miles, send a text message that goes something like this:
"On a scale of 1 to 37 how mad would you be if I bought a new bike?"
Calculating, right? Also notice that the scale of 1 to 37 was sent on the very last day of this endearing spouse's (my) 37th year. As if that's not a reminder that I'll never be that young again. Such a calculating little floozy isn't he?
I love that word, floozy. Spouse is such a floozy. A floozy with a new bike.
At our house, we only have so much room for bikes. And since Spouse added a new bicycle to the residence, it means one of the old bikes must go. After many minutes of meticulous meditation, we decided the Nishiki must go. It's an old and heavy bike. No one wants an old heavy bike these days so we left it on the front lawn, hoping... praying... pleading... that someone would just come by and steal it.
After leaving this Nishiki treasure on the front lawn, we ventured out for a bike ride. We came home to this:
Who do you think put that there? Santa? The Easter Bunny? The Bike Fairy? I'll tell you who put that there. It was the Filthy Nelsons. And they had the help of Evil Zimm. (P.S. Look at the green of that grass. That's some green-ass-grass. I'll bet our grass is greener than the Joneses. Or at least greener than the Filthy Nelson's.)
ACT-choo-ly, and for the record, I called Spouse (after the "how mad" text) and told him to either buy the dumb bike or shut up about it. I swear. For a whole year now, I've heard him yak-yak-yak-yak about a new bike. All day and into the night, yak-yak-yak. You'd think this new bike was a naked lady. I don't really care about the price tag for this new bike - pay any and all amounts of money - just don't talk about it anymore!
A new bike warrants a playlist, don't you think?
Bicycle Race - Queen
Enjoy The Ride - Morcheeba Feat. Judie Tzuke
Buildings & Mountains - The Republic Tigers
Take Me Home Country Roads - John Denver
Misty Mountain Hop - Led Zeppelin
Happy Trails - Dale Evans and Roy Rogers
Ride - The Dandy Warhols
Rollin' Through the Sunshine - Trailer Choir
Heaven's Trail (No Way Out) - Tesla
Middle Of The Road - The Pretenders
Why Don't We Do It In The Road? - The Beatles
King Of The Road - Roger Miller
Moving Mountains - Thrice
Country Road - James Taylor
Rural Route - John Mellencamp
The High Road - Broken Bells
When The Road Runs Out - Blonde Redhead + Devastations
Wreck of the Edmund Fitzgerald - Gordon Lightfoot
Slow Ride - Sublime
Bike - Pink Floyd
Tall Boy - Widespread Panic
Incidentally, I'm using this new fangled Marsedit thing for blog posts. The paragraphing is weird. So bear with me 'til I figure it out.
14 comments:
You forgot one. Boys 2 Men "End of the Road". I have even provided an link:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-oqgTA6N-iw
Think of it as the bike singing it your husband. "Spinnin' around and around..."
And damn it. I need a bike. You should have called me.
Oh, this post made me chuckle out loud.
Out. Loud.
For my husband and I had a similar exchange recently. I almost wanted to pull out all of my hair due to the constant yammering about the ridiculous road bike. Luckily, he finally purchased it!
can I borrow that bike with the baby thing on the back on friday??? seriously...we're heading to lehi for a "quickie" reunion and I need something to do with ella (the other 3 can run around naked on the front lawn) - and yes I was laughing until I realized that I could actually use it...for like 2hours...then I'll put it right back on the roof..but take ella with me.
on a scale of 1-10...how odd was it that upon seeing the bike on your roof I immediately thought it would be nice to borrow it?? it was the infant seat that got me...
Rookie, trust me you don't want the bike. It'd be easier to walk. That and it needs lots dollars to have it function correctly.
Jessica, you understand my grief!
Megan, are you saying YOU ARE IN TOWN? I totally miss you. I want to see you. How about you bring Ella over and I watch her while you do whatever it is you need to do for two hours. That way I'll get to see you. And your new baby. Heck bring them all over!
So the bike seriously has been stolen. We brought it down from the roof, left it out and someone took it. I'm guessing one of the neighbors took it so as to bamboozle us again at a later date.
That is the best picture ever. And holy crap, that IS some green ass grass.
Rookie,
We have a bike that needs a good home.
A certain bike nerd in your readership is curious as to what spouse purchased.
SBJ,
She gave it away in the song list; begin reading from the end of the list
Look at Tom play "Riddle me this." Need another clue? O suppose we're officially a Santa Cruz family now.
"I" suppose, not "O" suppose. Dang mePhone and my fat fingers.
And yes, it is most sweet.
Well, it is true, the bike was taken from the lawn. And I know the feeling - stop talking about the bike!
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