So, I live in Utah. Did you know that? Most of you live here with me, or have lived here at some point, so what I'm about to discuss will make complete and total sense to you. Those of you outside of Utah might not understand. I'll do my best to make it make sense.
Our state "Place" - the one in the which Brigham Young called "This Is" - is quite a funny place. I'm sure that if'n Mr. Young were to make his way back, through Emigration Canyon of course, he'd stop, look around and holler "This is a Funny Place," instead of the historical "This is the Place." Sure of it. The reasoning for my supposition of Brigham calling our state funny, is all because of something called Mormon Marketing.
Utah's primary religious persuasion is LDS, also called The Church of Jesus Christ, also called Mormon. And by primary, I do mean primary. Like 72% of Utahns are Mormon (according to All About Mormons Dot Com.) I'm part of that 72% and could leave you all with a paragraph or two that describes how proud I am to be Mormon, but we Mormons aren't supposed to be prideful. So I'm proud to say that I wasn't lifted up with pride about my religious persuasion.
Mormons have their own language. Did you know that? That talk above yonder, that terminology about pride and being lifted up, that was Mormon talk. Well, technically it was also Bible talk for there are many references to being lifted up with pride in the Bible. First Timothy for starts.
Although I did grow up in Utah, I did not technically grow up Mormon. (It's complicated.) I spent a great deal of time and energy making fun of Mormons and their talk. But then 'round about the age of 25, I had a softening of the heart (more Mormon talk) that sent me on over ta' the Bright Side. I call it the Bright Side because it truly has created a Bright Side I never thought possible. True story. No kidding aside. So now I'm one of those full-fledged Mormon personages that I used to make fun of. Oh the internal conflict! Still Bright Side conflict, mind you, but internal conflict none-the-less.
Before I continue, it's important that I insert a big fat red exclaimer, but in a black font: I am not an authorized spokesperson for my religion. No siree. That's why the Good One Above has placed me behind the piano on Sundees. For the last five years, that's where I've been - behind the piano. Those in charge don't want me flapping my sarcastic gums and cynical vocals. Incidentally, if I do talk, no one will hear me because I'm way over there behind the piano. That Good One Above is so wise, yes?
Ever sa' often, there are little things that Mormons do that kinda just make me shake my head and say, "What the heck!" This "What the heck!" phrase is also Mormon talk. More often, it's "Oh my heck!" but "What the heck!" works just as good as "Oh my heck!" for getting the exclamatory point across - whatever that exclamatory point may be.
It seems the Mormons in Utah have some trouble determining the difference between culture and religious doctrine. It seems. Not all Utah Mormons are this way, I'm not saying that. I'm not trying to make blanket statements here, even though it appears that I'm making blanket statements, which is way funny because you should see the blankets I've made (bad!) There are many Mormons out there that do not know the difference between culture and religious doctrine.
Since some Mormons presume their cultural anomalies to be religious doctrine, business owners around here go to great lengths to capitalize on it. They take a skewed cultural tradition and billboard it to the bank. If you're a business owner, it makes complete sense to harness this 72% Mormon populace and the money that this 72% spends, don't you think? I mean, if you're marketing a product, it makes complete sense to find a campaign or two that speaks Mormon.
Would you care for an example of this Mormon Marketing? Oh good. I was hoping you'd say yes. Here in town, there's this store, boutique actually, called.... wait for it.... get this... Sexy Modest.
Why is it that I'm the only one around here that finds the naming of this women's clothing store drop-down-roll-around funny? I mean seriously. Sexy Modest?
Let's break it down. According to the Dictionary Communists at Dictionary.com (just kidding, they aren't communists, I just think it's funny to refer to dot com as being short for communists,) here's the definition for Sexy:
–adjective, sex-ey, sex·i·er, sex·i·est.
1. concerned predominantly or excessively with sex; risqué: a sexy novel. 2. sexually interesting or exciting; radiating sexuality: the sexiest professor on campus. 3. excitingly appealing; glamorous: a sexy new car.
And now it's time for Modest:
1. having or showing a moderate or humble estimate of one's merits, importance, etc.; free from vanity, egotism, boastfulness, or great pretensions. 2. free from ostentation or showy extravagance: a modest house. 3. having or showing regard for the decencies of behavior, speech, dress, etc.; decent: a modest neckline on a dress. 4. limited or moderate in amount, extent, etc.: a modest increase in salary.
Sexy Modest. Isn't that the funniest freakin' thing you've ever heard? I can see it now. Mormon mom of 14-year-old daughter says, "Dolores dear, we need to get you some new clothes. Your new clothes must be modest because our religion promotes modesty. But Dolores dear, you should still dress sexy. I want you sexy. I want every dude in school, every dude in town, lusting after your tight little bod."
That was bad, sorry. But still! Geez! Maybe the public around here has a different meaning for sexy. Who knows! My definition for sexy is rather clear, however. To me, sexy means Jump Me Now.
To fit in with the culture, we could modify that definition of course. How about: Jump Me Now Modestly.
***Notice that I didn't include a link to their web site. I don't want the owner hunting me down and inviting me to lunch. Good grief I'd have to wear something sexy. If you don't believe me, just get out your googley and search fer it. Sexy. Modest. Utah.