Wednesday, June 09, 2010

The Book of Mac

Chapter 1

1. And it came to pass, in the Month of August, during the year two thousand and seven, that the daughter of Vera was taken as wife.  The daughter of Vera was called Squid by the Runner called Rabid.

2. The man in the which Squid, Daughter of Vera, was taken as wife, was called George.  And George was kindly and good with computers; especially those computers in the which were patterned after the original forbidden fruit.

3. And this original forbidden fruit is called Apple by the sons of our fathers.

4. Now George, being crafted and skilled in all things Apple, was also very fond of all things Apple.  So fond was he, in all things Apple, that a symbol of sorts was laid upon his leg, permanently, by the inking of a professional.  And this symbol of the Apple, in the which George was so fond, was laid upon the leg near the symbol of a Flux Capacitor.

5. And it was good.

6. Many began to grow envious of George's Flux Capacitor and Apple symbols, in the which were laid upon his leg in permanent inking.  This envy led to the gnashing of teeth by the Runner called Rabid and the Spouse called Spouse.  This envy led the Runner called Rabid and the Spouse called Spouse to pattern themselves after the Daughter of Vera and George, also the Son-In-Law of Vera, on the Eve of all Hallows.

7. The Son of the Spouse called Spouse, also called Yahoo #1, applied similar inkings on the legs of Spouse with a marker called Sharpie.  Wherein a Sharpie is only semi-permanent.

7. And it was funny.

 

Chapter 2

1. And it came to pass, that in the Month of April, of the year two thousand ten, the Runner called Rabid had searched for the true and correct computing device.

2. After the gathering of rock bands, one called Muse, and two unknowns, the Runner called Rabid, approached the Son-In-Law of Vera, also called George, and proceeded to have words on the subject of the computers called Macintosh.

3.  Now George, being smart and clever and kindly with all things Macintosh, was currently earning coin for repairing all things Macintosh at the retail space for all things Macintosh.  And he was very knowledgeable and very coercing.  So coercing was he, in regards to the goodness of this Macintosh, that he will now be called the Mac Man.

4. The Mac Man planted a tiny Apple seed in the hearts of the Runner called Rabid and the Spouse called Spouse.

 

Chapter 3

1.  And it came to pass, that the Runner called Rabid, had a friend called Sparks, who lived in a town with the same name, Sparks.

2.  Sparks is near the border California that resides near the city Reno.

3.  Now Sparks, who is also wise in all things Macintosh, has positioned herself a Macsionary of all things Apple.  Inasmuch as she has created a labeling called Macsionaries on the history of her ramblings called Remarks From Sparks.

4.  Sparks also planted a seed in the hearts of the Runner called Rabid and the Spouse called Spouse.

5.  And it was good.  For there appeared to be twin Apple seeds planted in the hearts of the Runner called Rabid and the Spouse called Spouse.

 

Chapter 4

1. And it came to pass that at the end of the month April of the year two thousand and ten, Sparks and Husband of Sparks, also called Vanderpool Red, were in town.  And it came to pass that they invited the Runner called Rabid and the Spouse called Spouse to a discussion.

2.  And the discussion was accompanied by Lamb Curry, Saag Aloo, Chicken Makhani, Gobhi Manchurian and Naan of all flavors and sizes.  And this discussion dispensed at a House called Bombay.

3.  And it was really good.

4. Now Sparks and Vanderpool Red, being Macsionaries of the highest esteem, did proceed in softening the windowed hearts of the Runner called Rabid and the Spouse called Spouse.

5.  It should be known that Vanderpool Red is also earning coin at the retail space for all things Macintosh and is very knowledgeable.

6.  Vanderpool Red and Sparks softened the hearts of the Runner called Rabid and the Spouse called Spouse.  Inasmuch as the coin was delivered a fortnight later in exchange for a device known as meMacintosh.  Also called meMac.

 

Chapter 5

1.  And it came to pass that the salesman called Creighton (not a joke, that's his real name), called on the talking machine to announce the arrival of the meMac.

2.  And the meMac was assembled at the dwelling of the Runner called Rabid.  The songs of our fathers were transferred in a matter that included the listing of plays, also called playlists.

3.  And it was very, very good.

4.  After a sun and a moon, then another sun and a moon, the Runner called Rabid managed to set up the airport and airport express.  In the which playlists and the songs of our fathers were being broadcast all about the house and controlled via mePhone application called Remote.

5.  And it was so good that the Runner called Rabid was confused and thought she had died and gone to heaven.

6.  The Spouse called Spouse was also confused, for he had never seen the woman he had taken to wife so happy.

 

Chapter 6

1.  And it came to pass that two weeks later, the workings of the meMac airport and airport express proceeded to relinquish its workings.

2.  And it was very, very bad.  There was gnashing of teeth and the heart of the Runner called Rabid became hardened.  So much was this heart hardened, that there were discussions of returning the meMac to the retail space for Macintoshes.

3. Many hours of troubleshooting commenced.  Ten hours, to be precise.  And there was much confusion because the machines with windows connected just fine.

4.  And it was still very, very bad.

 

Chapter 7

1. And it came to pass that on the sixth day of the sixth month of the year two thousand and ten, the Runner called Rabid sent electric mail to the Son-In-Law of Vera, also called Mac Man, also called George, also called man with Apple and Flux Capacitor inkings.

2.  This electric mail, proceeded to display, in colorful language, the gnashing of teeth over the meMac and its airport issues.

3.  The Mac Man, due to a gathering of their families, was located at the House of Vera, four houses up and on the same side.  The Mac Man called on the talking machine.  Asked if he could come look.

4.  And the Runner called Rabid said, Why sure!  Get thee haste!

5.  George, being located at the House of Vera, four houses up and on the same side, arrived within minutes.

6. Now George is wise beyond his years, and nice to boot.  He opened the configuration of the Router called Rabid (seriously, it's named rabidrouter) and clicketh on the option called Status.

7.  And the Status said Connecting.

8.  George clicketh the button called Disconnect.

9.  George clicketh the button called Connect.

10.  And the meMac, and its airport began to work.

11.  And it was so very, very good.  So good, that the Runner called Rabid thought she had died and gone to heaven again.

 

11 comments:

Kathrin said...

Hello there! That was a fun read to start the day... I am sure the process of this wasn't as much fun for you.

Anyways, I am surprised that their customer service wasn't able to provide such a simple solution right away...

Have a great day!

Aubrey said...

This is completely brilliant. Brilliant.

Keli said...

And all was well in the house of the Runner called Rabid.

I switched to the MacSide a few years ago, and have never looked back, and also consider myself somewhat of a macsionary.

Sparks said...

Holy cow.

Damned good over-breakfast fodder you've blessed me with today. Well done, you.

And I'm totally relieved that you are in a happy Mac sitchewashun.

Winder said...

WOW! This is one of your finest literary works ever! Love it! Yes! All the exclamation points are necessary!

Makell said...

I wonder if I could count this as my scripture study today? My spirit is enlightened and lively and a little bit perplexed at how a girl named Rabid comes up with the things she does.
Glad to hear the mac is back:)

C.C. said...

Brilliant. Absolutely. Brilliant. Does this mean that the family size container of Nutella is no longer necessary?

Jessica said...

I'm in love with this whole post. Start to finish it is pure genius.

p.s. In college I went to church with a kid named Creighton. He was H-O-T, hot.

rabidrunner said...

Kathrin - Welcome! Pleasure to make your acquaintance. So, here's the frustrating part of it all... if you reboot/restart the router, you'd think that it would disconnect and connect automagically, yes? Being as I had restarted/rebooted the router, like, a hundred - no, a thousand - no, a billion times, I thought I had already done this disconnect and reconnect thing. Silly me!

And the rest of you - It wasn't really that brilliant. Just remove any kind of concision and repeat the same words over and over. Then after you have done that, just repeat the same sentence with different words. Easy as pie!

Now I challenge all of you to write your own book of scripture.

Jessica - Maybe this Creighton is the same Creighton. He looked your age.

Jessica said...

Was he H-O-T, hot?

Ellvie said...

LIKE!!