In this adult life of mine, I find that past reflections often collide with technological advances. These are the times where I say stuff like, "Remember when we didn't have a dishwasher?" or "Remember our first microwave?" or "Remember the Commodore PET?" I still remember my very first e-mail message. In vivid technicolor. 'Cept it was on a monochrome monitor, so technically it was more vivid Black and Amber and less technicolor.
I swore I wouldn't be one of those "in my day" kind of people. Yet here I am. Being one of those "in my day" kind of people.
The last week has presented all sorts of technological shazams. Shazams that made me stop and think, "This is so cutting edge! So new and fancy! This is not your Momma's... insert whatever it is that was not your Momma's."
Thought I'd document.
This is Not Your Momma's... 3D Movie
On Saturday, the Yahoos and I saw our first 3D movie of the technology age. My last 3D movie was at a drive-in with those blue and red cardboard cut-out glasses. I don't remember anything 3D about it, except perhaps the fact that the screen was way over there and the sound was relayed from Mars.
But on Saturday, we saw How To Train Your Dragon in 3D. It was a moving experience. So moving was this experience, that I don't want to see a regular movie -- a movie not in 3D. It was spectacular! Cute show too. On more than one occasion, I recall wishing these new-fangled 3D flicks were around in my rowdier days. (Wink, wink, nudge, nudge, know-what-I-mean?) And get this, they plan to release a new Tron. In 3-frickin-D!!! That'll be a nerdgasm fer sure.
Are you laughing in my general direction because I had yet to see a movie in 3D? We don't go to movies much. In fact, the only times we go to movies are when Spouse has surgery or the weather is such that spending time in-of-doors is better than spending time out-of-doors. Saturday was a beautiful day... a day for spending time out-of-doors, which means... you guessed it... Spouse had surgery. Which bring us to our next Not Your Momma's... discovery.
This is Not Your Momma's... Shoulder Surgery
Spouse has been experiencing a fair amount of shoulder pain for about a year. A few months ago, Spouse went to the Shoulder Surgeon for an MRI which revealed a rather large bone spur. The Doc recommended physical therapy and some sort of injection to help with the pain. Ultimately, however, the Doc recommended a removal of the bone spur and a scope to check out the shoulder's innards. After a few months of physical therapy and cortisone, Spouse figured it was time.
On Wednesday, April the 14th, I dropped Spouse off for Surgery and ran home to take care of Angry Tax Preparers. It was a lovely day. A day so lovely, that my burlesque sense of humor was left for dead and buried. I did not laugh that day. In fact, I did not laugh until Sunday evening.
When I returned to the hospital, the Doc marched out with some photos and announced, "We found some surprises." Turns out Spouse had a substantial tear in a ligament.
Now here's the technological This is not your Momma's... part: The Doc repaired the tear, injected Spouse's own blood platelets to speed healing, and installed a pain pump. Spouse ended up with four tiny incisions and technicolor photos of his inner shoulder. This surgery was a relative piece of cake. In your Momma's day, they would have sliced the shoulder open from stem to stern, peeled the skin back and gone to work with a rusty ice pick. Now they use fancy robot tools that do all the work while the Doc says, "abra cadabra!"
As if that wasn't enough, the Doc's PA made a house call on Saturday to look at his wound and remove the pain pump. Can you imagine that?! A real live medical house call! It felt like we were on Little House On The Prairie.
Recovery's been a breeze. I think. (Maybe Spouse would care to elaborate.) And speaking of recovery, Ice speeds recovery. This brings us to our next Not Your Momma's... discovery.
This Is Not Your Momma's... Ice Pack
The hospital sent Spouse home with an icing machine. And not just any icing machine, it's a Polar Care Kodiak. This Polar Care Kodiak is a bucket of ice and water that pumps ice and water through a pad thing. They taped the pad to his shoulder, and while he wore the pad for three straight days, it kept the wounds on ice.
Being as I tend to ice anything that produces discomfort -- including the Yahoos when mouthing off -- I wanted to get me one of those Polar Care Kodiaks. I even went as far as figuring how many dollars one would require. After hours of research, I found that one Polar Care Kodiak would run me around $151. Not bad, huh?
Imagine, if you will, the amount of surprise and Disneyland-esque wonderment when the PA announced, "That ice thing is yours to keep."
"Really!?" I said. "Serious?" It felt like I had won my very own academy award. Forget the fact that Spouse had earned the thing with his very own pain and tears, it was mine! To compare 'n contrast, let's parallel your Momma's method of icing to this new-fangled Polar Care Kodiak.
Polar Care Kodiak:
See? No comparison! This is not your Momma's Ice Pack.
This is Not Your Momma's... Feminine Hygiene Ad
This last Not Your Momma's... discovery has nothing to do with the others. On Sunday, I found myself watching the "O" channel. "O" as in "Oxygen. " You know that network for ninnies... er, I mean, Women. I watched a whole love story called The Lake House and it was brilliantly entertaining and cozy. I don't recall making fun of it once (mostly because it included the nerdgasm-inducing topic of time travel.)
There was one commercial, however, that had me in stitches. I watched it three times. Which I shouldn't have done, 'cause now I gotta explain what a period is to the Yahoos.
This is not your Momma's... Feminine Hygiene Commercial.
(Couldn't bring myself to call it a tampon commercial. Just couldn't!)
This is Not Your Momma's... Boston Marathon
I know I said the previous discovery was the last Not Your Momma's... discovery, but here's another one, just in! Today housed the 114th Boston Marathon. Young-punk, 21-year-old Robert Cheruiyot smashed the course record with a 2:05:52. Additionally, Ryan Hall ran the fastest Boston of any American in history, with a 2:08:41.
Interestingly enough, your Momma's Boston Marathon and it's corresponding course record of 2:07:14, was also run by 4-time Boston Marathon champ Robert Cheruiyot. But not the same Robert Cheruiyot mentioned above. The new record is a different Robert Cheruiyot.
Huh!? What are the odds of Your Momma's and Not Your Momma's Boston Marathon records having the same name?! I'd say slim to none.