Friday, March 05, 2010

Myriad of Frustrations (Wherein a Myriad = 5)

I gots myself a myriad of frustrations.  

Sadly, I cannot blame the PMS Avenger on this one because the timing just ain't right.  Timing is everything when it comes to the super power of PMS Avenging.  That and the moon and the horrormones.  These days, however, I'm into taking full responsibility for my actions (thanks to Ryan and his book recommendation - full report coming soon.)  So today, instead of blaming the PMS Avenging alter ego, I must look my frustrations straight in the eyes and tell them they exist all because of me and my bitchiness.  

My inability to blame the PMS is unfortunate because I would really like to stamp this post with the PMS Avenger label.  Bummer.  Accountability sucks!  Already!  And we're just beginning!

Anyway, as I was sitting here looking at my crappy day, and taking full responsibility for my crappy day in the process, I figured the best way to stare down these frustrations would be to list them here.  That way the posterity and whatnot can see how bitchy I was on May 5, 2010.

I can't wait to read this to my grandkids!

Incidentally, this one will have a superabundance of supererogatory and supervacaneous exclamation points!  It's gonna be super! But don't call the exclamation point police on my for superseding my exclamatory quota.

Frustration #1
It snowed like crazy last night.  One might think that the frustration over a giant dump might be a result of having to drive in the snow, shovel the snow and other such hassles.  But no.  I wanted to go ski in the snow - on the snow?  Whatever.  One powder day is all I ask of this year, ONE!  Remember the days when I was asking for 15 powder days a year?  Yeah, those are gone now.  I just want ONE.

Now, why wouldn't I be able to partake of the the superabundance and supererogatory and supervacaneous snow?  Glad you asked.  Because now I get to bitch about...

Frustration #2
The Big O is dirty word.  Dirty, dirty, dirty!  It stands for OBLIGATION.  Obligation is the worst of all the four (times 2.5) letter words.  Do you ever step back, look at your poor obligated life and think, "I'm obligated!  To the gills!  To the hilt!  To the max! And I cannot think of any more idiot idioms to add to it!"

Honestly.  How did I get here?  With all this obligation?  And what's worse...

Frustration #3
Why is it that people insist on pouring molten lavanous obligation all over my Saturdays?  People!  Saturdays are for R-E-C-R-E-A-T-I-N-G!  Saturdays are not for working, baptisms, weddings, baby showers, funerals, or piano festivals.  Saturdays are for recreating. If obligation continues to seep into my sportly Saturdays, the steadfastness of my Sundays will most definitely sizzle.

Speaking of sizzle, I'm hungry.

Frustration #4
I'm hungry.

Frustration #5
The Yahoos lack motivation.  They are motivated by nothing to do nothing.  Nothing!  How do I make my kids become self-motivated individuals who strive for bigger and better, fun and frolic?  Funny, huh? YOU GET OVER HERE, BOY! AND YOU BE SELF-MOTIVATED OR I'LL FEED YOU TO BALKANS!  Is being fed to the Balkans bad?  I should prolly do my research before issuing a threat.  Yes?

But seriously, folks.  The Yahoos don't want to do anything.  Doesn't matter if it's fun or work - they complain.  What do I do?  Squash 'em into submissive self-motivation?  Help!

While we are on the subject of self-motivation, let's delve into that a bit deeper, shall we?  The key ingredient of self-motivation, is self.  I assume we all agree about that.  Self-motivation must come from the internal self and not from the external parents.

Being as Spouse and I began to perpetuate our gene pool later in life, most of our friends have kids that are older.  And by older, I mean most of our friends have kids old enough to get grades that count.  Some of them, even, have kids with a 4.0 cumulative in their senior year of high school!  Four point oh!

During one conversation with Parent of 4.0 Cumulative Kid, I asked, "How do you do it?  How do you raise kids that want to work hard and get good grades?"  I questioned Parent of 4.0 Cumulative Kid because I want our Yahoos to get good grades and subsequently qualify for full-ride college tuition.  And if they get full-ride tuition, then Spouse and I can burn their education bonds on stuff that will give instant gratification - like an Electra Glide for example. 

No one wants to cash in the bonds, wait four years and hope that the sweet child of your'n ends up earning a living over it, right?  Right!  YOU know what I'm sayin'!

Anyway, I'm talking to the friend about her kids and their awesome grades.  And whence I inquire about how the young ones are motivated to do so, she responds with, "We don't do anything!  They just do it on their own!  They're so wonderful!"  Note that the sentence is delivered with that sickening, sweet, my-kids-are-the-best-on-the-planet tone.

I was taken a back with doom.  "Oh man.  We're screwed.  There will be no Electra Glide!  Our Yahoos are motivated by nothing to do nothing!" 

Fast forward a year or so, and the friend and I are having a conversation.  And during this conversation she openly admits to forking over a Benjamin for every single A her kids get on their report card. (That's $100 an A for those of you like me who rarely see cash.)

Rrrririiiighhhht... "They just do it on their own!"

Now.  I'm not saying that bribing your kids for good grades is wrong.  In the long run, it might even cost you less if you pay for the As upfront as opposed to the associated fees that come with college.  What I am saying is that if you're bribing your kids, admit it.  Don't go tooting that my-kids-are-self-motivated bull.

See?  I told you I was bitchy. 

**Since I mentioned "PMS Avenger," I should be able to stamp it with the PMS Avenger label, right? 


Jessica said...

I think you learn self-motivation from your parents, but it takes time. Seeing as you and Spouse are highly self-motivated, it will kick in for the Yahoos.

(I'm speaking from experience, seeing as how my parents are very self-motivated. Careful though, you don't want your kids as self-motivated as me, then they won't be fun.)

And Yes, you should be able to label it PMS Avenger.

Lars said...

I liked that you changed hormones to horrormones. Clever. Rabid dear, your post says May 5, 2010 but the date is really March....I wish it were May.

I have no munchkins so I don't know what to tell you....

megan said...

Bribe...bribe...bribe till your Blue in the face and outta breath = backwards bribes are the best :) I got an entire week of cleaning and working from my oldest who wanted to ditch school (he's 8 :) and head to the high country to snowboard with our ENTIRE WEEK of work!! all for some sunburn snow sliding! sheesh :) backwards bribes...find what they like and dangle it in front of them - like the little carrot :)

Winder said...

Not sure if I dare tell you this right now, but you put May 5, 2010 this post was March 5, 2010. Maybe you are just preparing for May 5? Don't kill the messenger. Now that I finish typing this I notice that Lars already noticed. I am leaving my comment.

I am right there with you on the Saturday consumption thing. Enough already!

rabidrunner said...

Frustration #6 - I don't know what month it is. Duh. I thought about changing "May" to "March", but the absentmindedness adds a certain special affect, don't you agree?

Now I really can't wait to read it to the grandkids!

Lars said...

If it makes you feel better I thought it was Thursday when it was really Wednesday last week. Made everything wonky. I agree on leaving it...I just wanted to make sure you knew that it wasn't May....sadly.

Moe said...

WHAT? it's 2010?

rabidrunner said...

I know Moe! Where did 2009 go?

Aubrey said...

Frustration number four...well, then eat.