Friday, February 05, 2010

February Follies

I have no time for the creation of packaged goods.  Today you get more randomness.  Tax season always brings out my randomness more than other times of the year.  Is it better to be more random or less random?  Not sure... 

- How do I love thee blog?  Let me count the ways... So many ways do I love this blog that it's helping me forget how stinking ornery I am right now.  Serious.  I'm ornery.

- Want proof of my orneryness?  Here's an e-mail I sent poor Megan yesterday: "AAAAHhhh, arrgh, gnash, gnarl, rip, torn, growl, mumble, murmur, shout, stamp!  Thanks for listening."  I say "poor Megan" because even she had to deal with my orneryness while trudging through the armpit of New Jersey.  Megan was in Jersey learning to be a guidette like the Jersey Shore people.  'Cept she was using this whole "I've got to go to Jersey to learn all there is to know about Atrial Fibrillation" cover.    RIIIIiiighhhht.  We all know she wants a spot on a MTV reality show full of skanky Italian-Americans on the juice.

- What on earth is Atrial Fibrillation anyways?  Sounds naughty.  Megan's too smart for me.  Hell, she's too smart for her own britches.

- Britches.  That's a funny word.

- I don't watch MTV.  Not enough music, too much, uhm.... other stuff.

- So Lost!?  Was it awesome?  I thought it was great. I'm a Lost fan for the mystery.  I say bring on the mystery.  My only criticism?  I find the concept of bringing the dead back to life so very cheesy.  It's so, I don't know.  Death is death.  Don't you think?  And speaking of the dead, I'm remembering past seasons and wondering if the smoke monster used apparitions from the dead to coerce the characters to do stuff... Like Jack's Dad, Echo's brother, Kate's horse, and Ben's daughter.

- My body feels unseasonably old this week.  Unseasonably.  I suppose I should lay off the salt (get it season?)  But seriously, my joints make noises when I get out of bed.

- Skiing stinks this year.  I've lost the drive to go and hoping March will bring Mega Pow Pow.  It usually does, you know.  Did you know that?  March Madness is about skiing, not basketball.

- The other day, I took my filthy dyke mobile to a car wash.  The next day, I went out to start the poor gal and nothing happened.  The battery was dead.  I thought about calling the car wash.  I was going to say, "Look guys.  I brought my car to have it washed there and the next day it wouldn't start.  I want you to buy me a new battery.  Your car wash broke it."  Funny, yes?  Very funny.  But what I have described above is not unlike what I deal with every day in my line o' work.  Why don't they teach people ways to determine cause and effect?  Like in high school?  Would be a very useful life skill.

- The White Stripes have a song about cause and effect. It's called Effect and Cause.  It's a good one.

- And speaking of The White Stripes.  I'm a fan of Jack White.  Actually I'm a fan of all Jacks who have a color for a last name for I am also a fan of Jack Black.  But specifically, on this random thought, I am a fan of Jack White.  Jack White has some talent.  Want to see his talent, check out "It Might Get Loud."  It's a documentary about Jimmy Page, The Edge and Jack White.  The three bring their guitars together and play stuff.  It's fascinating.

- If you look closely at Jack White, you'll see that he's an ugly Johnny Depp.  Note however, that an ugly Johnny Depp can never be ugly.


- I like documentaries.  Megan knows I like documentaries, so she sent me an e-mail about  It Might Get Loud. Glad she did.  Made my evening.  Other documentaries of note include, The Word Wars, which is about the National Scrabble Championship, Supersize Me, Smartest Guys in the Room (about Enron), Where in the World is Osama Bin Laden, and I'm drawing a blank.  Netflix is the Utopia of documentaries.

- I still haven't registered for the New York Marathon.  It's $196.  That's a lot of dough to run your guts out for hours.

- I'm ready to give the Wii up for adoption.  Anyone want to adopt a Wii?  I won't even make you do a background check.

- Speaking of Adoption.  The Winder wants a baby.  BAD.  And I want her to have a baby. BAD.  Does anyone have a baby that needs a mom?  A good mom? A mom named Winder who's a national track star and taught 2nd grade for ten years?  And a good dad?  A dad named Delmar, who's an esquire of the law and can do backflips on skis, boats, cliffs, trampolines, and other stuff?  He also cuts his own hair.

- Speaking of Delmar.  He says I turn too much when I ski.  Trouble is I'm not comfortable with the speeds that happen when I don't turn too much.  Oh, wouldn't you know... there it is again: Cause and Effect.

- Look at all these root beers. It's an "old fashioned" candy shop in the Saint George.


- School is out today for some reason.  Why on earth do the districts in charge insist on random days off here and there? So that we can start school in the middle of August?  Rrrriiighhht.  They didn't have that Cause and Effect class in high school, so they are unable to FIGURE THAT OUT.  Somebody is seriously bitter about losing their summer, wouldn't you say?

- The Pound Hound sucks on blankets.  Like a binky.  It's kind of cute, really.  The Sister brought over some old blankies for him to suck on.  Thanks Sis.

- It's Friday.  Remember when I used to do the Friday Flashback?  I miss the Friday Flashback.  You prolly don't care.  But I, on the other hand, miss the Friday Flashback.  One of my favorites is the REO Speedwagon flashback.  And not because I'm a REO fan.  Ick.

- The Science Fair was this week.  Yahoo #1 was required to enter the Science Fair.  He searched high and low for his topic.  I wanted him to choose "Hormone Fluctuation in the Adult Female."  Based on the days of the cycle, he could do something each day to piss me off and chart my reaction.  Appropriate for third grade?  Why sure.  Everyone has a mom with Hormone Fluctuation.  Not every third grader, however, has a PMS Avenger for a mom.  My kids are special.

- Yahoo #1 chose "Which Container Works Best" for his Science Fair topic.  He had three containers: a bowl without a lid, a sandwich bag and an airtight container.  He put a piece of ham in each and charted the preserving properties of each container.  It's always good to chart preserving properties on a piece of pork that is already well preserved. 

- Time to work.  Have a good Friday.


Lars said...

This was a great post. Simply superb. So much information. So much randomness. I do love a lovely tangent. Too bad the church frowns upon surrogates because then Winder could just go that route. Did you know pregnancy puts MS in remission? My friend Jade and I joked once that one could just be in a constant state of prego as a surrogate instead of paying for drugs. Too bad too because I think an LDS baby makin service would be quite profitable. I mean they usually are healthy due to no substance abuse (in theory), they like being pregnant, and they most like having sex (to induce and all you know). See business savvy!

dug said...

check out these documentaries:


awesome, all three.

Jessica said...

Lars ~ you said "baby makin service." You trying to get on my case about Makin babies?

I too loved this post. I too am ornery (just ask Esposo and the dog).

A good, albeit depressing, documentary? The Bridge. It's about people who commit suicide by jumping off the Golden Gate Bridge. I know, it sounds awful. But once you start watching you can't pull yourself away.

Doris said...

Rapid, thanks for your randomness. So needed on a Friday afternoon. New York is expensive, but you will love it. I've run it twice and plan to be there again this year. Wear a shirt with your name on the front so people can cheer for you by name. It's fun to hear the different accents as you go through the city.

Sparks said...

Rapid Rabid. Love it. A shirt with her name on it, you say? Hmmm.

My favorite kind of post, this. 'Specially 'cause I got freatured and complimented. You are an honest-to-goodness treat.

Lars said...

J Makin if you had babies they could repair your shoes...just saying. They could probably break them in faster than three years as well.

Lars said...

Oh and Dug is right on on those docs...Murderball was fabulous, although the paraplegic sex scenes were odd. I think that is because I was watching it with my professor and she deconstructed it in detail.

rabidrunner said...

Lars, the Winder and I have discussed this many times--the surrogate option. You'd prolly do the pregger thing stylishly too. I think you should look into this clever money making opportunity.

Spellbound! Dug has helped me remember the one I drew a blank on. Incidentally, that one will keep me from allowing my chitlins into a spelling bee ever. Words are cool 'n all, but come on. There are limits.

J Makin (do people give you that lots), totally intrigued by your Bridge doc. Reminds me of Wristcutters. Need a demented flick, check out Wristcutters.
Doris, pleasure to meet your acquaintance. You know when I was young, I wanted to be Doris Day. It's true. AND I'm still royally impressed with your completion of the Goofy. What is the Goofy, you all ask? The Goofy is the Disneyworld 1/2 marathon on Saturday then the Disneyworld full marathon on Sunday. Now that's stamina.

Megan - xoxoxox.

Jessica said...

People do give me that lots. One of my friends calls me JMakin. (Sounds like Jamaican). It make me smile every time.

Winder said...

Thanks for saying I'm a good mom. On days like today that is nice to hear. I think the Maniac spent more time with the T.V. than anything else.

I am growing quite fond of your random posts.

I also think you need to ski with Delmar this year. We'll tell him not to wait for you.(not that he waits for you like everyone, including the Yahoos wait for me) I think out of default you will make less turns.

Winder said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Lars said...

To add to the doc list:

God Grew Tired of Us
Jesus Camp (scared me) mostly because I had to lifeguard an all night church group similar to that depicted in the film the same evening after watching this for research.

Born into Brothels
Food Inc.
To Die in Jerusalem
Taxi to the Dark Side
Why We Fight
Darfur Now
War Dance
Genghis Blues

I am a bit of doc nerd..I left a good chunk off since their flavor maybe too out there. I was asked to watch them for school. I tend to watch anything though to broaden my perspective and form an opinion. Research you know.

Ryan said...

why oh why would one wantonly wish one's wee wii away? wii've been leaning wii-ward v ps3-ward based on opinions gathered to date from fam/friends. should wii reconsider, iyho?

rabidrunner said...

Ryan, the Wii is great. The Wii is fun. But that's the trouble with it. It's like pulling teeth to turn it off.