Friday, February 19, 2010

Fastest In The Ward

Have I ever told you about when I was the fastest in the ward?  No?!  Let me tell you about when I was the fastest in the ward.  'Twas quite possibly one of the happiest 30 seconds of my life.

It went like this:  I was standing in the hall at church when Ellen (name changed of course), walked towards me.  Ellen is somewhat new to the hood and I don't know her well.  I know she's athletic, has four daughters, and brought me flowers from her garden after the Bread Incident.  (Ellen isn't the lady in the Bread Incident story, by the way.)  Ellen is very nice.

So Ellen says, "I hear you're a runner."

I respond with the typical, "Yeah.  I'm a runner." 

Then Ellen says, "Someone told me you're the fastest in the ward."

"The fastest in the ward....?" I said.  And the voice trailed.  My mind immediately wandered off to a daydream (complete with clouds) wherein I was right in the middle of a Sabbath Day podium ceremony.  I was just about to bend my humble little head down so as the Bishop could ring my neck with a gold medal.  That daydream was rudely interrupted, all record-scratch-like, when I looked to my left and right on that Sabbath Day podium. 

"Um."  I said.  "The state cross country champ is in our ward."

"Oh?"  Says Ellen, then begins to back pedal.  "But you're the fastest girl, right?"

"Nope.  State cross country champ has a sister."

So there you have it.  In Ellen's eyes and mine, the rabidrunner was the fastest in the ward for the beginning of one brief conversation.  Today however, the rabidrunner (love it when I talk to myself in the third person), might be the saddest in the ward.  My Grandpa Plum passed away last night - I suppose we'll just have to wait and see on Sundee if I win a medal for being the saddest.

Oh and while we're on the subject of Bishops, do you read Bishop Higgins?  He's been released.  And he's outed himself.  After three years of hearing the dear Bishop make fun of our goofy culture, he's calling it quits - yet another reason to be the saddest in the ward.


Winder said...

Oh rabid...We should clarify fastest at what distance? You may just be the fastest in the ward at 26.2 miles. The cross-country race is considerably shorter. There might be someone in the ward who is faster than all of you at 400 meters. I will dare say in the realm you run you are the fastest.

I am sorry to hear about Plum. I loved chatting with him at your various events.

Jessica said...

Why did I not know about this Bishop Higgins until the end of him? Where have I been?!

Sorry about Grandpa Plum. I hope you don't win the medal for the saddest...

rabidrunner said...

Winder, I'm pretty sure Cross Country Champ would beat me at 26.2. He's prolly fastest at 400 meters too. That punk is quick. I have a story to prove that cross country champ would prolly beat me at 26.2. Ready? Okay! I have this Spouse, his name is "Spouse," and that bugger had a longest training run of 13ish miles. Spouse decided to do a marathon on a whim. So he did. In 2:39. Cross Country Champ is faster than Spouse was back then.

I'm so fired as a missionary for Bishop Higgins, right? His postings in the past year have been rather sparse so I haven't talked about him much. The weird part is he turned out to be a Photographer in Provo. One who's Blog I geek at on occasion.

The Plum had a great life, we will celebrate. All great things come to an end... for mortals, anyway.

Lars said...

Perhaps X-champ will get fat on his mission, wishful thinking eh? I can always feel a lb or two in the knees.

Can I just tell you how sad I am that Bishop Higgins isn't real. Super sad.

I hope you celebrate with tasty delights unlike green jell-o and funeral potatoes. Those are not tasty. Many condolences to you and tu famila Rabid. Celebrate well!

Aubrey said...

I somehow missed that the Bread incident woman brought you flowers....that has restored some faith for me.

As for our sweet grand papa...I have been fighting big bulbous tears all day. But then I remind myself of the rejoices he and his wife and son must be having right now. He will be with us forever, I just know it.

Ryan said...

If you're getting outkicked in your current ward, you could always explore elsewhere. No guarantees at the psych ward, but I'd put my money on you over the local maternity ward.

Ski Bike Junkie said...

condolences on the grandpa. and on bishop higgins. bishop higgins was a true man of god.

Radracer said...

Sorry to hear about Grandpa Plum. Condolances to you and the family. It must have been a fine day for it. Spouse's cousin also passed away that morning. She was my age.