Monday, February 22, 2010

500 Posts of Pure Bull

This here post, is my 500th.  Five hundredth!  That's many megabits of foolish flapdoodle.

Technically, this post isn't my 500th.  I surpassed 500 a while ago but a few of those 500 have yet to be published.  I have a few posts hanging out in draft form - waiting patiently for their exposal.  But to make this 500th post legit, however, I had to delete those draft posts.  Did you gasp?  For deleting shenanigans of the Rabid?  Don't worry!  They were deleted from the blogger and copied elsewhere.  Remember?  I'm the Copy and Paste Master; champion of the Ctrl X (or V or C) Games.  Those drafts are stashed away in a safe place - waiting patiently for their exposal.

So how, exactly, do I go about celebrating this milestone?  With 500 individual notions of nonsense! Give or take 475.

- I'm the Mystery Reader in Yahoo #1's class today.  He didn't know I was coming.  The Mystery Reader is a parent (new one each month), who shows up and reads for twenty minutes.  Today I read the first chapter of The Candy Shop War by Brandon Mull.  Spouse and Yahoo #1 have been reading it the last few days.

-  Speaking of Brandon Mull, have you read Fablehaven? You should read Fablehaven.

- When Spouse and Yahoo #1 read the same book, they each sneak the book and read to get ahead of one another.  It's a book race of sorts.  If one of them is "missing", you know they're tucked in a corner reading the current coveted circular.

- I figured out a way to spend pennies.  This year the school lunch people raised the cost of milk from .25 to .30.  Now I send Yahoo #1 with pennies (and dimes and nickels and sometimes a quarter) to buy milk.  To keep the spare change from getting lost, it must be sent in a plastic baggie that costs .10.  I just now realized that it's costing me money to spend my pennies.


- I'm beginning to despise the word "glitch" in a violent sort of way.  It makes my skin crawl and all my hairs stand on end.  Now why on earth do I hate that word?  It's prolly because people say, "There's a glitch in your software" all damn day to me.  There are no "glitches" in software.  Software has BUGS or DEFECTS or ISSUES.  So call it what it is - if that's what it is.  These so-called glitches, however, usually turn out to be user error.  Nine times out of nine.  Thank you for letting me bitch about glitch.

- Ooops!  I just accidentally hit "Publish Post" before I was finished, then quickly saved it as a draft again.  The Google Reader folks just received an incomplete.

- For Valentines Day each year, Spouse and I unload the kids on someone and ski by ourselves.  It's a great tradition.  This year Spouse bought me new poles.  I have a perpetual problem with poles.   I had some stolen two years ago while Spouse was in the Ski Patrol shack being attended to.  Then I purchased some new ones.  The new ones were okay until I got new skis.  The new skis had new bindings.  The new bindings had two inch lifts.  This made the poles two inches shorter in relation to my person when my person was mounted in the bindings.  I feel like Gene Simmons in those lifted bindings.  So Spouse bought me new poles.  They're Leki.  Like Lindsey uses Leki.  And Bode uses Leki. Now Rabid uses Leki.

- Speaking of Bode, did you see Bode in the combined Downhill Slalom?  Wow.  S'all I'm gonna say.  Wow.

- The VD (Valentines Day) skiganza has been a tradition since we were first married.  We were married a couple of weeks before VD and for the honeymoon we went to Grand Targhee.  Nothing says honeymoon more than some Grand Tetons.

- Oh and speaking of VD, I had a funny dream the other morning.  We were having tea with two male members of my hood (aka the home teachers), when the Yahoo's pediatrician barged in the house with news that Spouse had tested positive for Syphilis.  That's when the alarm went off.

- While we're on the subject of Tetons, did I ever tell you about the time I thought I could make it to the top?  Yeah right.  That was the day I decided that you would never find me near that mountain called Everest.  Nowhere near.  Someday maybe I'll tell you about the Teton excursion.  It was one of my Dad's grandiose adventures that involved a 50 pound pack, whiskey, freeze dried cheesecake and some dude who lost his friend while climbing .  That dude hollered for his buddy all night long while I shivered in my sleeping bag.  I was not going to make it off that Teton range alive.  I was sure of it for my climbing experience is surpassed by my tuba prowess.  And I don't play the tuba.

- As you can see, I made it off that Teton range alive.  The crapper in the saddle, however, is extraordinary.  I'd go back just for the crapper.

- By the way, I didn't make it to the top.  Totally chickened out.  And I do mean totally.

- Get a load of this question I received today: "How do I show my cows and farm equipment that is on depreciation that I sold?  I can't do it from the deprec. page."  First of all, I don't know diddly about depreciation.  If I wanted to know about depreciation, I would have become an accountant.  (Okay we know that's a farce because there isn't an accounting program outside of Jamaica that would admit me to their accounting program.)  If my boss asks, however, just tell them that I have all of the instruction forms for depreciation memorized, I just can't understand them.  That's called depreciation deomprehension and is reported on line 12.

- Today, thanks to Jessica, I learned that Kanye West makes me hungry.  Here's out it works (and I quote my comment from Jessica's post):  ''Every time someone says Kanye West, I think of Key West. Which makes me think of the Florida Keys. Keys make me think of cars. Which makes me thing that I want to drive on the super-cool highway that goes over the Keys. Which then makes me think of Key Lime pie. Which makes me hungry.  So Kanye makes me hungry. Psychoanalitize that!"

- I just blogged about blogging.  So there.  And I just might blog about blogging again.

- A while ago, Megan announced a blogging hiatus.  It was time for her to do real writing. (What?! Blogging is not real writing?  Come on!)  I'll never forget that I'm-a-quiting-fer-now post and how it made me feel.  It was like she was breaking up with me. 

- I think Marie Antoinette was on to something when she said, "Let them eat cake!"  New age critics are calling the quote bogus, but I want to hang on to it like I hang on to Pluto being a planet.  PLUTO WILL ALWAYS BE A PLANET!  Don't try to tell me otherwise.  But we're talking about cake.  I really like cake.  Cake is essential to my happiness.  Cake is sweet, squishy, succulent love.  All those people in France during the dark ages or Tower of Terror or whatever, should have quit their belly achin' and made themselves a cake.  Banana cake with chocolate chips, no frosting.

- We took the Yahoos skiing again on Saturday.  We went to Park City.  They have these fun little tree runs that are marked with metal monsters.  The have a run called Detonator and one called Short Fuse. The Yahoos would ski them all day.


- Most of the runs at Park City are named after mining terms, famous miners, etc.  Park City is an old silver mining town.  But you prolly already knew that.

- My favorite run at Park City is the West Face.  I'm also partial to Scott's Bowl (for some reason), but it requires hiking to serve due diligence.

- This is Grandpa Plum. Isn't he dapper?


- So with Grandpa Plum passing on Thursday, I figured the best spot for mourning would be Snowbird.  So Friday I went to Snowbird with Hillene.  Why don't I go to Snowbird more often?  The whole mountain is one big giant West Face and one big giant Scott's Bowl (which I'm partial to for some reason).

- Have you seen the Tunnel at Snowbird?  I dig the novelty of that tunnel.  There's a magic carpet that will take you from one side of the mountain over to the other.  It's crucial that you form a solid tuck while riding the magic carpet. 


- The Ogden Marathon is 12 weeks away.  I'm signed up and ready to start "official" training.  The Ogden is a good one.  Highly recommended. 

- Whenever I start the official training phase of a marathon, I buy new shoes.  Some people buy shoes for the cushioning.  Others buy for the ride while yet others buy a shoe because of its colors.  Me?  I buy a shoe for the box.  Saucony has the best boxes.

- Vera brought me flowers today. I love Vera.


- Goodnight and good bye (for now). Here's to 500 more.


Lars said...

I was going to do the Ogden marathon with some friends...I am still undecided due to the fact that I am not sure I will be done playing catch up with my scholastics....dude could have run right past me! How exciting.

Jessica said...

COULD've run right past you, Lars? Nope. She WOULD've run right past you. Which doesn't mean you're slow, just means she's fast.

Happy 500. Glad I could could help you psychoanalitize yourself today. That'll be $145.

Aubrey said...

Can I please come to the Ogden Marathon and watch you run? I wanna. And I totally wanna go to the bird now.

Lars said...

Well duh JMakin baby...but I most likely won't be going so she won't get to. She could have done cartwheels past me too since she is so fast. Maybe one day I can foam at the mouth like Rabid.....insert dream sequence here....

Aubrey said...

Also, this post was like a really good musical. I laughed, I cried, I savored your brilliance...

Encore! Encore! Encore!
(Please pronounce in French.)

Winder said...

Hooray for 500! Nice choice in flowers by Vera, beautiful, she is a keeper. I want to see you finish Odgen as well. No way I am willing to watch you start, just too early.

rabidrunner said...

Awe shucks guys. Awe shucks. I'm not that fast, you'll all be sorely disappointed. That and I cannot do a cartwheel to "save my life."

Did anyone get my "Tower of Terror" joke? Anyone? Anyone? I laughed all night over that one. See who needs you guys to laugh at my jokes when I have no problem laughing at them myself...

I could really use a trip to Disneyworld right now. But then again, who couldn't.

rabidrunner said...

Jessica, can you take that $145 in hand-made handi-crafted beanies?

Jessica said...

Of course I will accept hats. Or banana cake with chocolate chips, but please add some frosting. Semi-sweet chocolate, please.