Tuesday, January 05, 2010

Tuesday Tune, Vol 23 - The Beautiful People

Today's Tuesday Tunes are all about the Beautiful People.

It's the New Year. As is customary in this free-to-eat-what-we-want country, many make that pledge to drop some weight. They take that solemn vow to shed some elle bees. Every January, year-after-year, it's always the same.

Yawn.

Statistics show that the first of the year is the absolute worst time of the year to set goals. The chaos of the holidays and the stress of year-end obligations make it difficult to stick to the goals set at the New Year.

Statistics also show that 85.3% of statistics are made up on the spot.

Anyway. It is fact that many people decide to loose weight on January 1. And that same many run to the gymnasium (aka The Gym) to reinstitute usage of that neglected membership they purchased last year.

This makes the gymnasiums crowded. It also makes the gymnasium a good place to eves-drop because you're squished together more than normal. I'm a snoopy person. If you're having a juicy repartee within my audible region, know that I'm a-listening. Intently.

There's a group of seven or eight women who frequent this gymnasium place I go to. They seem to be great friends. Collectively, I'd say that their combined body fat percentage is 10%. They are lean and muscly. They spend hours and hours toning that hot bod they got, flirting with the hunks, and doing their "cardio".

Incidentally, I really hate that word "cardio". To me, "cardio" means you get on a dumb machine with only one goal: to burn calories. I hope and pray I don't turn into one of those "cardio" people. I want a point to my exercise - like to increase endurance or strength or speed.

So these women, I like to call them the Gym Rats. Today I overheard a conversation or two. They were going back and forth over diet tactics. One of them even admitted to eating whole grain bread on her cheat day. No! Not the whole grain bread on your cheat day! Drop down and give me ten extra minutes on the stairmaster!

This is where I thought, I'll bet you're fun to live with. And I'll bet a Benjamin that you are five days away from leaving your picture perfect life (with the big house, four kids, dog and fancy SUV) for something or someone else.

You see, these Gym Rats are too hot and too beautiful for just one person.

That's why you get:

Beautiful People - Marilyn Manson

(This might be one of the best songs ever written. Don't listen and/or watch this one if offended by language and a dude that looks just like Satan.)

I'm Too Sexy - Right Said Fred

Now. Who do I think I am? Making a rash judgment over some one's hot bod and their ability to maintain fidelity? How is it that I can see it coming? Lemme tell you!

It's because I've seen it happen many times.

You see, I had this previous life. I was married to a beefcake named Jimmy. Jimmy was Mr. Utah. Jimmy ate nothing but chicken, brown rice and broccoli. Jimmy wasn't fun to live with. Jimmy was a personal trainer. Jimmy spent a lot of time in The Gym with the Rats. I kinda became one of those Rats by default. So embarrassing! Please know I've changed.

I am a watcher. I did a lot of watching while I was doing the Gym Rat thing. And I have lots of stories. Would you care for one?

Tune in tomorrow. I plan to unveil the story of Paula. Paula is the creator of my favorite Gym Rat story.

8 comments:

megan said...

right now I'd give ANYTHING to be a gym rat OR any kind of exercising rat for that matter...I'd prefer the rat that had a babysitter so I COULD exercise rat...

rabidrunner said...

Megan darling. They have day care at the gymnasiums these days. I never could bring myself to take infant there, however. IN FACT, that's why I joined that dreadful place in the first place. So as I could run when the Spouse wasn't around.

tom lindsey said...

http://www.heraldextra.com/news/local/article_42db0645-7f7b-5cdb-8e07-22fc85210c86.html

The MacMizzles said...

I took a break from studying just to read your blog, and boy am I glad I did.

First: I am obsessed with watching the "toners" with implants at the gym. I love watching them look around to make sure everyone is looking as they do a SEXY push up. They always have makeup on, they usually have coordinating outfits, and are always talking about weight. ALWAYS.

PS. I run to the beautiful people.

Staci said...

I try to exercise and eat well but I'm glad I'm not the only one that thinks people like that are dead boring. Who wants to be around people who internally criticize ewvery morsel you put in your mouth? Or their mouth, for that matter. I like people who can drool over a good piece of chocolate cake. And I eat whole grain bread on my "non-cheat" day.

Winder said...

Can't wait for the story!

Becca said...

Waiting with baited breath...great teaser!

Ski Bike Junkie said...

The suspense is killing me. Almost thou dost convince me to join a gym (if only for the stories). But alas, I prefer trees and rocks and wind to implants and makeup and perfume.