Saturday, January 02, 2010

Drama Queen

Brace yourself, this is a dramatic one.

So dramatic is this one, that I expect to get at least 15 phone calls at by the end of the day to make sure I'm okay.

First lets just start with the fact that I am the self-proclaimed PMS Avenger. It's a bad one. Bad, bad, BAD. The Sister has even offered to make me a cape. This will be good for the future. But right now it's of no use. NO USE. Because as I bark expletives at passers-by, they just think I've gone wack-o. Or wack-o-er. Whatever.

Would anyone care to experience this PMS business? I mean, aside from those who get to experience the PMS business already? Sure you do. And you can handle it, trust me. Because you will only experience this business for a limited period of time. NOT EVERY DAMN MONTH FOR THE LAST 24 YEARS. Yes - 24 years. And prolly 24 more to go.

Joy.

I've been warning the housemates (yes housemates - they don't get to be relatives right now) about my current condition for about two weeks now. See they're very lucky. They don't have to guess. I give them a good heads-up with stuff like, "I don't feel well. Can you just pick up stuff and do what I ask after five requests as opposed to ten?" And, "I don't feel like myself, can you help out." Or, "I am the PMS Avenger right now (which means it's worse than normal). Can you just listen to me?"

Yeah, right. "Can you just listen to me?" Thank the Lord that I have this thing called the blogger so that I can be heard.

Dramatic enough yet? NOT HARDLY.

My Sister says some smart things. About 10 days ago, she said another smart thing. Her first born was pitching a fit over something. (I know gasp right? Your kids don't pitch fits only hers and mine pitch fits.) After the Sister works through the current fit pitching, she says, "The only way to stop a room is to throw a fit. You can't stop a room with kindness but you can stop a room with a fit."

Today I pitched a fit. And not only did I stop the room, I believe I stopped the whole damn neighborhood.

This particular fit pitching needs some background for there are several variables. To start, we spent two weeks away from home right before Christmas. It took me roughly three weeks of preparations to go on this trip. I left tired. I spent the trip tired. I came home tired and got sick. Then there was Christmas. Which required more senseless and useless preparation. There was shopping and parties and cooking and cleaning and staying up late and wrapping and more stuff.

The other more crucial element to my current state of mind is the fact that I work for a company that provides software for self-prepared tax returns. This is a nutty time of year. I have much on the plate this time of year because I help with the gettin' it ready for customers.

To make the matters more worser, this tax stuff is about to get nuttier for I provide customer support services to people preparing their own tax returns. That nutty support stuff starts on Monday.

Aside from being the PMS Avenger, I'm Captain Insanely Stressed Out.

We had plans to ski today with the Yahoos. As is customary for any time we do something fun, one or both of the Yahoos start whining because they'd rather stay home and have friends or move their digits about on a wireless controller of some sort while staring at some dumb video game.

I couldn't do the cheer leading thing today. I'm just too spent. Yahoo #1 was whining. So I said, "Yahoo. If you don't want to go, we can stay home." He said, "Okay." But then after five minutes of thinking, he said, "I want to go skiing."

Have I mentioned that I haven't been skiing yet this year? No? Okay, let me mention that.

I haven't been skiing yet this year.

Yippee! I exclaimed. Not really for I'm still the PMS Avenger with the double personality of Captain Insanely Stressed Out and cannot muster anything close to Yippee. But I was excited to go skiing and began the preparations of long unders and warm socks and whatnot. Spouse went over to the neighbor boy's house to see if we could pay him to to let the dog out a time or two.

While pulling on the left sock for skiing (yes I remember this detail), Yahoo #1 comes in the pout-face and says, "I'm not going."

I lost it. Told him to go tell his Dad before he gets hurt.

He runs to tell Dad and returns. Looks at me once and notices that I'm very very serious and very very upset. He begins the frantic pulling-on of his ski pants.

In the which I yelled - no YELLED, "YOU DO NOT GET TO GO. WE ARE CLEANING CARPETS TODAY."

And that's exactly what we did. We cleaned carpets today while Spouse and Yahoo #2 made turns in the sunshine and the snow.

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While I sit here and spew stuff onto this listening blogger (that prolly shouldn't be spewed), I'm here to say that I'm done with doing what's right. I'm done preparing and cleaning so that my housemates can have fun. I'm gonna join the selfish Betties out there who spend four hours at the gym every day, go to lunch on a whim, shop like it's free and do pretty much anything they dang-well please.

I'm done saying "no" to myself. I wanna put me first all the time. I wanna take care of number #1. I'm tired of saving money. I'm tired of not spending money so as to stay out of debt. I'm tired of missing out on fun because I've put someone else first. I'm tired of being responsible. I'm tired of my crappy furniture. I'm tired of being the only one in the neighborhood without a flat-screen TV. I'm tired of my 13-year old car. I'm tired of budgets and avoiding debt like the plague. I want it all right now.

Now.

How's that for gratitude? Where's that Thankimony that I wrote while in India? Would someone provide me with the link because I seem to be unable to find it.

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Here's the trouble with being a woman now days. It's not enough to be a mom. I was raised to believe I needed an education. And a big-girl job. And then I was convinced that in order to have a family you need to quit the big-girl job. So I quit the big-girl job and realize I cannot be happy with the goo-goo and ga-ga and I get a part time-job that stretches the mind a bit.

See? We women cannot have it all. We cannot. We've been raised to believe we can, but we cannot.

Now where the hell is that Gloria Steinem when I need to punch her? Huh? And who does she think she is getting married after all these years of her telling people to burn their brassieres and turn their noses up at matrimony.

Bitch.

So how did I do? Dramatic enough? I can do better... oh can I do better...


(P.S. I'm in bed. Spouse just brought me some food on a tray. I'm gonna publish this post now and feel better.... Later!)

16 comments:

Buddy the Elf said...

I wanna go to lunch & the gym for 4 hours. Can we do pedicures too??? Sorry you're having a crappy day. Kids go back to school in 38 hours and 5 minutes. We can do it. If it makes you feel any better, we are flat screenless too.

Rae Lynne said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Jessica said...

wow, you just wrote how I felt. I'm so tired of life that it hurts (not in a suicidal sort of way, just to clarify).

Being a grown up is lame.

On a random side note, I was getting ready to email you about your thoughts regarding running tips prior to your period. Maybe I'll wait to ask?

I hope tomorrow is better than today.

rookie cookie said...

Oh to only think of number one. Damn conscience.

I wish I could have watched you proclaim that carpet cleaning was on the day's docket. I love freak outs like that. Like my mother says, you have to be careful what you say because you have to go through with it. "Jack! Knock if off or you will go to bed! I don't care if it's 5pm!" Hell yeah.

Mandee said...

I'm sorry to say that Aaron and I thoroughly enjoyed your drama. I need to bring you something- and lets go to lunch.

Lars said...

*evil grin spreading from ear lobe to ear lobe* After five days in the 801 with my darling Sponges whom I love dearly, really I do, I called my mother this morning and told her I was too selfish for children. I grin only because your blog cements my feelings.

I truly am sorry for day being a wash Rabid....Perhaps you should fake illness manana and skip church and take a ski day?

The MacMizzles said...

I have to admit. When I get crazy and PMS filled with rage I think of the craziest crap for the family to do also. Cleaning the carpet makes me laugh. In a "I have the same syndrome" appropriate way.


Most kids don't like doing house work. That'll teach 'em.

Sparks said...

Synchronized cycles? Check.

I spent, well, the entire day in bed watching Law & Order on Mark's computer while he was at work. Spent the day pitying myself because I'm alive. Spent the day wishing real hard that magic could become real. Each time I got up to feed, I left the dishes on the counter.

I want to shop like it's free.

Celeste said...

This is the weird part of your life where a complete stranger tells you that she kinda loves you because you rant unabashedly the feelings that most people squash. At least on their blogs. I kinda love you.

Julia said...

Dang, I feel bad that I called to ask such a silly question when you were having such a bad day. I probably should have brought you "Bombay House." If I'd have only known... Oh, and it is possible to have PMS for a whole month straight? I think I might have a "condition."

rabidrunner said...

Buddy! Yes! Pedicures are part of four hours at the gym. And tanning. And fake eyelashes. And body wraps.

Jessica, you hit it on the nose. Being a grown up IS lame. Lame, lame. But then again we get to make some awesome decisions. Oh and I'll talk about running and the cycle any time. Do you have a heart rate monitor? My heart rate jumps up considerably during the PMS Avenger days. I always look at a race and figure out where it lies on the cycle-ometer. If it's right before, it's prolly not a PR. At the start or just before the big O (as in ovulation), it's a good time for a race.

This is not science, however. Just a little experience and a lot of superstition.

Rookie, you're right. I did kind of get rather regretful of my clean the carpets proclamation. However, I was so mad that smoke was coming out of my ears like the chimney of a train. Choo-choo noise 'n everything. Had to spend that energy doing something constructive.

Mandee - you should know that I blog fer you and Aaron. I believe you two know me well and git my drift on more than twelve occasions. Laugh away!

Larsie, Larsie! Oh how you know ME. Every Sunday of the winter I think why oh why did I become a Mormon. Sundays used to be the best days for skiing. Sigh.

Megan, you should know that our cycles will move outta sync now that you aren't blogging anymore. Just sayin'. Maybe synced cycles will give you ammo to start? No pressure, of course. No pressure.

Celeste, you should have heard the Spouse chuckle when he read your comment. I'm so happy to make your acquaintance. I believe honesty prevails. Especially the honesty that shows the dark, the dreary and the imperfect.

Julia, you can call me any time and talk Indian food. Anytime. Even on my death bed. And just between you and me (and whoever else might be tuning into the comments), I've had this condition for a month too! Had to go get myself one of those EPT tests to make sure the IUD was doing it's job. It's doing it's job.

TMI? Oh yeah. Oh well.

Lars said...

I am an avid reader of the comments... this may be TMI....the whole reason I have an IUD is because my periods were lasting months. MONTHS. At a time. You may need to go back to the OBGYN and get a dose of hormone therapy to get you back on cycle. That or your IUD + body is one of the lucky few that only lasts a short duration. I have a defected uterus plus the uncle is a OBGYN so I could write a book on damn period problems since I have had every single one of them in the book and had to ask or go in. Stupid uterus and the boycotts on the body it has....


Oh and Rabid...the same said Uncle...he used to go to church and then take his son skiing after sacrament...they would change in the parking lot. They got busted once by my Aunt. He told the native to get in the car because they were in trouble no matter what that they may as well enjoy the powder. If you have passes it doesn't count as spending money right? Look at me justify!

Ski Bike Junkie said...

It's gotta be seasonal as much as hormonal, otherwise there's no explanation for what I said to the jerk in the Harmon's parking lot on Saturday night.

This was after I had to yell at the kids at least three times to get them to get in the car so we could go get gelato. Seriously? What's wrong with these kids that we have to goad them into doing something fun like skiing or eating gelato.

I don't see any need to "justify" skiing on Sunday. If you want to go, go. You won't go to hell for it. And if you get caught, your "punishment" is likely to be a lighter-duty obligation on Sundays anyway. Which means more time for skiing.

Amy Rae said...

Sounds like you need to ski this week in a major way! I am hoping to go Thursday. Want to ditch the responsibility for a day? I can totally listen to ranting also. Isn't that what lift rides are for?

Becca said...

And this my friend is just one reason why I love you! You just made my day...how rude is that, your misery is makes me smile, but only because I totally and completely understand, only I don't have the PMS avenger excuse, I'm just plain mean!

Jason McGrew Photography said...

Found you site via Ski Bike Junkie...

WOW.. I'm Speechless.. Best read of the month.