Friday, July 31, 2009

From The 2008 Running Log - February

February 6, 2008
7 miles in 56 minutes / Alpine loop

IT band troubles, but no worry! It'll go away with some stretching and ice. Went skiing. GREAT SNOW!!!! Total bummer tho 'cause the wind and the rain and the ice and the snow caused four avalanches in the canyon and everyone was stuck up there. They closed the lifts and sent us to our cars. Kind of freaky driving down through the avalanches (which had temporary drive-thrus dug through them). The snow was taller than my car on both sides.

I'll take a side of fries with that... biggie size!

February 9, 2008
Nada, zippo, nothing

Called in mental. IT band has been showing some trouble. I decided I'd rather not show up than have to turn around. It's all good though!*

February 12, 2008
2 miles / treadmill

IT band flared up during treadmill. Decided it's time for an IT Band Vacation! Yipee! Will call Doc Weenig.

February 20, 2008
5 miles in 40ish minutes / average pace 8:10 / hr 147, 185 max / Provo Bench Loop

Big pain today, had to turn around early. Everyone is so focused right now that it's annoying.

February 23, 2008
12.5 miles in 1:42 / average pace 8:19 / hr 150, 189 max / Alpine Figure 8

SO GRATEFUL! So full of it. Great run. I'm feeling all sorts of stressed about how intense and fast everyone in "O" is running... so I started with "E" with the hope of going 10 but made it 12.5. No pain. Then went skiing - the sun was shining and there were 15 inches of new. And to top off an already fabulous day, the girls (Downhill Diva, Trailtrekker, Hillene, E, and Ms Mileage) all went to the Bombay House. Stayed until they closed. GREAT DAY!!!

February 29, 2008
5 miles in 38 minutes

Got up at 4:15 to be at the gym at 4:30 so as to be home by 6:00 for Spouse. I went out to the garage and the garage door was broken! I had to wake Spouse up to help. In other sad and unrelated news... Spouse sold the Fat Boy today. It's a sad day. No Harley and the garage door is broken.

Get a load of me being positive over my injury. Figured that if I write positive in the log, it'll carryover into real life...

Thursday, July 30, 2009

Wasatch Crack Relay: Post 12 of Many

Frank's Echo Service

Where you tell Frank something and he says it back.




Wednesday, July 29, 2009

From the 2008 Running Log

Last night I was browsing through last year's running log. Mostly to see if I have it in me thus far to meet or exceed my Marathon PR from last year.

I keep my running log in an Excel spreadsheet. Everything is lined up in nice neat columns wherein the math is automatic. This nifty little bag o' bits keeps track of my weekly mileage and carries it over so I know my total mileage for the year. (Of course this happens only if I enter the calculations right.) I also keep notes on the happenings of that day's run.

While looking at the speedwork results, mileage and notes from last year, I discovered that I am so very interesting! Even a year later! Figured I'd share how interesting I am.

January 2, 2008
10.5 miles in 1:25 / average pace 8:12 / heart rate 152 average, 177 max / Hillene Loop

Frustrated today with my job and want to quit so badly. Took it out on a mini tempo. Felt better afterwards. Frostbit the big toe on my left foot a while back - today is the best it's felt in 10 days, but looks yellow and similar to death. Vented to gang about money. Prolly shouldn't do that.

(Photo not included in spreadsheet, but added for your viewing pleasure.)

January 3, 2008
9 miles / treadmill 2x1 repeats and a fast 1/2 mile / average pace 8ish

S'posed to meet "E" but my dang cough and sour throat kept me up all night - well not all night, but you now. I was going to take the day off but remembered my new fancy-pants spreadsheet and went to the gym...

January 9, 2008

10 miles in 1:38 / average pace 9:41 / hr 139, 156 max / Provo Loop

Six inches of new snow and it kept dumping! Everyone fell at least once. Me? Twice.

January 14, 2008

10.5 miles / average pace 8:14 / hr 139, 166 max / hill loop, Skyline and horse loop

Fun run. Wacky, one might say. Ms Mileage and I dressed the same (pink top, white vest, black pants, pink hat). I asked Hillene where she was going to which she said "hell" and I said "you're going home?" Also, Triabry initiated an ecclesastical endorsement by telling us to quit talking pornographic. We were talking about boobs (somehow those pesky ittle animals worm their way into most of our conversations).

January 15, 2008

5.5 miles on treadmill and spin then yoger later

Great music in both spin and yoger. That's all I member. Even though it was jist yesterday.

January 16, 2008

10 miles in 1:23 / average pace 8:22 / hr 147, 172 max / Provo bench loop

Cold as you know what and windier than you know what. Had trouble keeping up and a dog followed us back. Big wolf looking thing.

January 19, 2008

Painters 1/2 marathon in 1:35 / average pace 7:16 / hr NA

Drama. Maybe I'll blog about it.

That's it for January. Tune in next time when I tell you about February!

(Do you still want more Wasatch Crack? I've got loads of Crack from the Wasatch to share, if'n you're innerested).

Tuesday, July 28, 2009

My Spurting Personality

I have a spurting personality. Meaning most moods and whatnot come in spurts.

Some might refer to these particular spurts as phases. I like to call them spurts because spurts are explosive, impetuous and unplanned. I get bushwacked by my spurts. Phases on the other hand, are rolling and graceful. One usually sees a phase coming.

My spurt for today? I don't want to work anymore. It's fragmenting my already fragmented brain passages. My electrically challenged and murky synapses are firing on mishap.

Causes mishappiness.

I don't work full time. I work from home. It's a sweet gig and I'm grateful for tit. However, I would rather teach the Yahoos a new skill, go to the library, lay in the shade with iced lemonade or hike. I want to spend more time training the dog, taking pictures and brushing up on schoolwork with the kiddies.

I want to... Surprise Spouse with a picnic. Scan old photos. Perform practical pranks. Spend a whole day forming alliterations. Waste time. Cook something new every day. Finish the Fablehaven sagas with the Yahoos. Write stuff. Relax with family. Watch children. Listen to children. Take notes. Renew friendships. Go on adventures with the Winder. Bake cookies. Watch Movies. Organize every last room in my house. Work in the yard. Visit a Farmer's Market. Sit on the porch with my dad. Finish Atlas Shrugged. Drink with Vera.

I have no time for cutesie crafts or activities. Leisure is something I get only while running or sleeping. I study tax code at the pool.

Oh if only my crazy persona would be okay without a job... if only money grew on trees... if only piano lessons [and cars and repairs and food] were free!

Alas, There's No Such Thing as Free. Except when it comes to Health Care. Health Care will be free! In that I'm free to go get a third job to pay for it.

(Incidentally, did you see that new spurt spontaneously erupt!? It's gonna be a spurty day.)

Saturday, July 25, 2009

Everything You Need to Learn...

... Can be found in Spiderman 3.

1. Never trust your best friend with your girlfriend.
2. A man has to be understanding... and put his wife before himself.
3. Forgive your enemies and they will turn to sand and float away.
4. Toby McGuire is a bad spiderman.
5. "What ever comes our way, what ever battle we have raging inside us, we always have a choice. It's the choices that makes us who we are and we can always choose to do what's right."

(Which makes me question, who should replace Toby as Spiderman... Collin Firth? Pierce Brosnin? Michael Bolton?)

Wasatch Crack Relay: Post 11 of Many

Team Sham Wow!

Clever, huh?



Team Sham Wow's Mascot - also known as
The Rossignol Stork

Wednesday, July 22, 2009

Too Many Notes

Have you seen Amadeus? (The movie, silly. Not him personally.)

This Amadeus movie is a dandy. At our house, one line of this movie is quoted more than any other quote. More than scriptures. More than Led Zeppelin. More than uplifting mantras to get me through the day. More than the lyrics to my favorite song (if I had a favorite song). More than the Dali Lama. This line, quoted from Amadeus, is said more often than "Put Your Shoes On!", which trust me, is said often.

This maxim, this verbiage of long-winded circumlocution, is "Too Many Notes."

Too Many Notes answers all of life's problems.

Fridge broken? Sprinklers on the fritz? Dog bites too much? Too Many Notes.

Garage door won't close? Car drips oil? Neighbors think you're nuts? Too Many Notes.

Washer won't spin? Sunburned back? Taxes bore you senseless? Too Many Notes.

Once our current problem has received a Too Many Notes diagnosis, the solution is simple: Remove a few notes here and there.

What do you quote at your house? Please do share.


Tuesday, July 21, 2009

Tour de Pocketbook Update

Many have e-mailed. Many have phoned. Many have left comments. All are asking...

"Well? Did you? Did you break the Consumer Cleanse and buy a bike?"

I did not buy a bike.

If I do purchase a bike, it will wait until November 1, 2009. This will give me time to research. However, a bike is worthless in the winter - therefore the purchase might even wait until spring.

Sometimes I hate my commitments.

Sunday, July 19, 2009

Tour de Pocketbook

Over the last couple of weeks, some magic was sprinkled over our humble abode.

This is is what happened:




Do you understand the significance of this? That is The Baby. Riding a bike. Without training wheels. Great news, isn't it. Other than instead of a bicycle of any kind, I have twelve pairs of running shoes.


Do you see this picture? Specifically, do you see what's wrong with this picture? What it's missing? It's me. The boys, all riding two-wheelers of various sizes and classifications, saddled themselves and rode around town.

Without me.

I am so left out. I am having high school flashbacks. The flashback where all my cute friends of the female gender have boyfriends and I don't. Yeah that flashback. (Incidentally, don't ask me to re-live high school ever. This includes attending the reunion.)

In lieu of becoming the cycling cheer leader for the family (for the Lord knows I'm no cheer leader), I pouted. I made sad faces. I stomped feet. "I'm gonna buy me a bike." I said. "Today." After which I climbed in the car and met them at the cycling shop.


This, dear friends and readers, is where you proclaim loudly and with vehemence of principle, "RABID! You're in the middle of the Consumer Cleanse. You can't buy a bike."

It's true, I'm 8.5 months into the Consumer Cleanse. I've sworn off consuming. Even though you don't actually consume a bike (as in chew, swallow, digest, strip nutrients from and expel), you cannot purchase a bike without becoming a consumer.

As it were, I stood there in the bicycle shop, not caring a bit about whether or not I happened to be in the middle of some goofy cleanse. Who cares! My baby can ride a bike.

I need to be there for him.

I was hell-bent on making that purchase on Saturday and left Hillene a message. She phoned me back after biking to 11,000 some-odd feet. She was looking down at Mineral Basin and performing power-squats with friends. Hillene had questions. "Mountain or Road? How much you wanna spend? Get the Super Fly."


This is the Gary Fisher Super Fly (29er hard tail). Comes equipped with a price tag of $4399.99. Completely out of the question. And not only for the cost. The rabidrunner body, mind and guts are not worthy of a machine of such magnificence.

I told her the choice was Mountain (for Spouse Mountains his bike) and that I had an $8,000 budget. She screamed. (I don't really have $8,000 - had to let her down easy on that one). She then rattled off a series of biker mumbo-jumbo. "Get a 26 full or 29 hard tail. You get a 26 without the full and it'll beat you up." I said okay and hung-up realizing that a visit to wiki would be in order - so as to become acquainted with the biker nomenclature.

Back at the cycle shop, where the Yahoos were pedaling toddler-bikes in circles, we discovered there were many choices. Full suspension? Front suspension with hard tail? Wheel size of 26" or 29"? Disc or mechanical brakes? If you choose disc brakes, hydraulic or cable actuated? Derailer types - front and rear? Gear sets - front and rear? Sram or Shimano? Shifting levers? Handlebar type? Headset type? Seat? Color? Flat pedals, toe baskets or clip in? If you chose clip in - SPD, Look, Egg Beaters? What type of Cleats?

Can't I just get a damned bike!?

This is why I run. You buys shoes. There are three choices: Neutral? Motion Control? Stability? You run around the parking lot in 7 to 12 pairs of shoes, decide which you like and purchase. $100 max.

Incidentally, I've decided upon the Gary Fisher Cobia in Sassy Silver.


Spouse says it's not a good idea because of the cable actuated disc brakes (instead of hydraulic). So for a few hundred more, I'll take the Rig in Refreshing Root Beer.


Or for even a few hundred more, I'll settle for the X-Caliber in Ridiculously Rowdy Red.


Wednesday, July 15, 2009

Wasatch Crack Relay: Post 10 of Many

Passing the RabidRunner

What does the rabidrunner do when passed? She hunts the passer down. She zeros in on them with cross hairs. She takes their picture. She exposes their story on the internet.

That'll show 'em. Won't it?

RabidRunner Passer #1


This little punk passed me a couple miles into my second leg. Notice his outfit. Resembles the uniform of a young cross country team. High school? Could even be junior high. After the punk passed me, the athletic supporters in the Crack-o-Van told him to slow down so they could get a picture of him behind me. And wouldn't you know it... he did! Backed up and ran behind me. Such a nice young man.

I tried to stay with him for around a half mile, but couldn't do it. That dude disappeared into the great beyond where Hillene told him that his future wife was a lucky girl.

RabidRunner Passer #2

Look at me! I'm at the top of a 7% grade hill. Ain't I bitchin'?
(yeah, yeah, yeah...)

This guy was on a team called the Six Legged Freaks, which is an ultra team. Ultra teams run the race with half the people (6 runners instead of 12). Being passed by this guy made me feel all sorts of pathetic because he will run twice as much as me. Turns out the Six Legged Freaks are a cross country alumni team from the University of Utah.

Washed up and fast. That's what them Freaks are.


Tuesday, July 14, 2009

Wasatch Crack Relay: Post 9 of Many


This is a love story.

As mentioned earlier, my little buddy Hillene likes to run Hills. She's very good at hills. However, running hills is not her first love. Hillene's first love (as far as recreation is concerned) is riding a bike up those hills.

She's very good at hills.

So good at biking hills is she, that our special climber won a little race called the Leadville 100 (in Leadville, Colorado.) By little, I mean it's only 100 miles. Off road. With an elevation gain of 14,000 feet. They call this undertaking The Race Across The Sky. Last year, one Lance Armstrong (maybe you've heard of him) raced the Leadville 100. Took second. Being as Hillene is so very awesome, Lance tracked her down to have a photo with her.


In order for Hillene to race this event each year, she must have a training partner, preferably one who can keep up with her. She must also have a technician, preferably one who knows how she rides and one who knows her bike intimately. Lucky for Hillene, she lives and has children with her training partner and technician.

We call Hillene's eternal training partner and technician, Himene.

Hillene and Himene are two of my very favorite people in the whole wide world. They give. They share. They laugh. They respect. They love.

Two weeks before the Wasatch Crack, Himene and Hillene were riding in the mountains when Himene went over his handlebars and landed on his face. He broke his nose in several places and rearranged his delicate septum. Surgery would be necessary.


A week after the crash, Himene had the septum realigned and was healing nicely.

Two weeks after the crash, Hillene would embark on the Wasatch Crack Relay. At roughly 11:00pm, on the first day of the race, Hillene's phone rang its special ring. You know the ring I'm talking 'bout... that ring you have just especially for your Spouse? Yeah that ring.

Hillene answered that special ring to hear that Himene was right around the corner! He had two bicycles in the van and planned to ride all through the night with us!

And so Himene road one of his bikes along side one of us runners all through the night. Lighting the way with his spotlight, keeping the bears away, fighting off predators, telling us jokes, .... all with a broken nose.



All of us Crackers, even the dudes, agree that we'd grab Himene for our extra spouse - if'n polygamy were to make its way back.

They do share, you know.

Monday, July 13, 2009

Friday, July 10, 2009

It's Great To Be 8!




Wednesday, July 08, 2009

4th of July Sacrilege

The 4th of July is a great holiday. It's a time for reflection. A time to remember freedom and all who fought for it. It's also a time to commemorate those who currently defend our freedom.

Each year we explain to the Yahoos, in burgeoning language, how the Revolution was about freeing our founding fathers and their posterity from the tyranny of Taxation Without Representation. (We also explain how we're on our way back there... 'cause we're sugary-sweet-stab-'em-with-reality kind of parents.)

The best part of the 4th of July is not the crowded parade, the fun-run or the fireworks. It's not even the barbeques and watermelon. The best, most entertaining, most thrilling, most fulfilling element of The Fourth is the Tour de France.

We celebrate The Fourth by watching the Tour de France. I know. know. It's Sacrilege. Blasphemy. Heresy. Impiety.

Irregardless of my unpatriotic behavior, this year's Tour has many surprises. That clever and conniving Johan Bruyneel has stacked Team Astana with Alberto Contador, Levi Leipheimer, Andreas Kloden, Yaroslav Popovych and that poster child for narcissism, Lance Armstrong. The GC (General Classification) contender for team Astana is still undecided. It's a toss-up between Contador and Armstrong. Both are strong and worthy of that Yellow Jersey in Paris. But again, that cunning Bruyneel won't say who is the team captain. It could also be Leipheimer (who took 3rd in 2007) or Kloden (24th place in 2007) or even Popovych (White Jersey in 2005)!

That team is stacked. Someone from that team will win.

Will Bruyneel let Armstrong and Contador battle it out within the team? Is it another one of his secret weapons... to not tell the press his intentions for the overall winner?

It's a good thing that team isn't full of women. Can you image the drama? The cat fights? I wanna be the GC contender! NO! She's too old and 'sides, she's already won, like, 7 times... IT'S MY TURN TO WIN THE TOUR DE FRANCE THIS YEAR!

Yeah. That kind of Drama.

Another great part of the Tour? The dresses for le Models de Podium. Fantastic! Check out the Polka Dot Jersey dresses for this year:

This isn't the last you'll hear of the Tour. Thanks to that lovely bike race across France, the month of July is the most wonderful time of the year! HOWEVER, as reported previously, the end of le Tour brings with it the doom of P.T.D.F.D. or Post Tour de France Depression.

I will need hugs, kisses and well wishes on July the 27th. You could also take me to lunch or send me music through iTunes.

Tuesday, July 07, 2009


Just now at dinner, the following conversation ensued:

Spouse: WHAT did you just say, son? Did you just say "Mangina"?!

Yahoo #1: No. I said "MADE in China!"

I'd say somebody has Gina Envy, eh?

P.S. Don't google Mangina.

Monday, July 06, 2009

Blinded by the Light

To shake things up a bit, I'm going to ditch that whole Wasatch Crack Relay update for a few days. I'd hate to lose my non-running readership. What shall I talk about today, to keep that non-running readership? Blinds. That's right. Today's hot topic is Blinds (the window coverings, not the makeshift tents for hunting.)

The Bird wrote about blinds today
. Specifically, it was a "what do your blinds say about you" kind of post. This post sparked some cerebral movement. Serious. The brain actually started to waltz. Why? Because I love, love, LOVE making rash judgements about myself over insubstantial objects or experiences.

Yes. If I walk into your house, I'm not going to look at the mannerings of your children and make any judgements. I will, however, determine the amount of child abuse you endured with a simple Freudian-style analysis of your coaster selection. What's on your coasters? Pigs, dressed as chefs, complete with puffy-hat toppers? Oh dear! Your mama locked you in a closet and fed you nothing but raw wheat for days. Either that or you don't eat pig. So you're Jewish? That's cool. Love Passover.

See. Judging over nothing. It's a fun game. Good for the imagination.

Now back to the Blinds. Today I will reach inward, beyond the depths of my chi, to psychoanalyze my Blind Habitation. In essence, I am going to tell you what my Blinds say about me.

My Blinds, and the habits therein, reveal, disclose, manifest and typecast me a Sloppy Conservative.

Why sloppy? That's the simple part. I feel cleaning them is an inefficient and/or negative net worthy use of my time. Net Worth = Time - Benefit. If the Net Worth is a negative number, I don't do it. These days, the Yahoos undo everything I do faster than I do it. Spend three hours cleaning the blinds so as the Yahoos can goober 'em up within 20 minutes? Ain't gonna happen. Economists refer to this as Opportunity Cost.

The Conservative part of my Sloppy Conservative persona is a little more complicated and has many entangled and qirky layers. It all began with my Ma doing what she called "Working The Windows". Sounds dirty doesn't? Like selling your services in a window of the red-light district on 45th Street? Sorry, not this time. Ma wasn't into that.

Before air coniditioning was installed at my childhood house, Working The Windows was the term Ma used for keeping the house cool. It was quite the process. In the morning, the east facing windows were closed and blinded while the west facing windows were opened (this means blinds, windows - the whole shebang.) When the sun was directly above, all windows and blinds were opened. When the sun started to veer west, the west windows and blinds were closed while the east windows and blinds were ventilated. Took all damn day. (Mostly because it took all damn day for the sun to run it's course.)

Now, 25 years later, wouldn't you know, that with my new-fangled air-conditioning system, I still Work the Windows. Not only is it vulgar and wasteful to open an east-facing window in the morning hours, it's like burning twenty dollar bills. Like throwing away a rib-eye. Like tossing a pair of shoes after a measly hundred miles.

I have turned this whole Working the Windows thing into a self-made mini-contest. I like to see how long we can go each day before the ol' AC Machine kicks in. (Due to a gadget called The Thermostat, it comes on automatically when the house is hotter than 77. Magic, eh?)

Another conservative blind revealing layer of my window treatment neurosis? I'm paranoid. We walk around in our underwear and we eat live goats and I beat my children and the Klopeks live in the basement. You do not get to watch the happenings beneath the roof of my suburban shanty. Therefore, I keep the front windows closed unless there's something out front worth spying on. The back (east-facing) windows are opened only because we have a fence... and large trees... and a mote.

Sloppy Conservative. That's what I are.

Thursday, July 02, 2009

Wasatch Crack Relay: Post 7 of Many

Crack-o-Dawn Exchange

The Crack-o-Dawners Exchange the Bracelet at the Crack-o-Dawn.

Oh how we love symbolism. (Although if it truly is the Crack-o-Dawn, then it isn't a symbol right....? Oh well... I tried.)