Saturday, January 31, 2009

Just What The Doctor Ordered

January 31, 2009

ACTUALLY.... the doctor didn't order it, Spouse did.
But then Spouse does like to play doctor. (Scandalous!)

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Two hours alone in the car.
No whining.
No back seat Yahoos saying,
"Turn it Down!"
Hiked to Ozone, traversed to Pzone.
Blue Slip, Belmont, Powder Keg and more!
80 tunes heard.
In the Ski playlist of 709.
Watched two helicopter's land.
Lunch with Daddy.
Thank ya dear. Was a great day.

Friday, January 30, 2009

Thots of Randomness

January 30, 2009

If you've been around a few years, you'd know that I do customer support for a software company that files tax returns. As in THE U.S. Tax Return. I enjoy it mostly. It's entertaining, I feel helpful and it gives me yet another excuse to yell at congress for bastardizing the rules for the IRS. (That's right folks, don't blame the IRS for your tax bill. Blame the powers at Capital Hill).

See that's the irony of it. We're the software company. When customers don't like what they see, they yell at me IN CAPITAL LETTERS AND EXCESSIVE EXCLAMATION POINTS!!!! The truth is, they're mad at the IRS for doing what congress told them to. So many directions to point fingers - so little time.

This year we are Bi - Bi - Bi - Bi -ZEEEEEE! I don't currently have the time to keep notes on topics of interest. And I certainly don't have time to mold multiple topics together to make a cohesive post.

All you get today are Thots of Randomness.

  • I live in the best neighborhood on the planet. Sure of it. Where else will you find a Vera (who gets you hooked on soy milk) and a Stu Pidasso and a Running Brother Bruce and his wife Morta and a Buddy The Elf (who always asks your favorite color when you phone)?

  • I giggle whenever "Stimulus" and "Package" are used in the same sentence.

  • It gives me the warmest of fuzzies when people acknowledge the Yahoo's birthdays. I must pass this on and do the same.

  • Just passed the 3 month mark of the Consumer Cleanse. 9 to go!

  • Haven't purchased music in over a month. Ouch. (Note that music is not part of the Consumer Cleanse).

  • This Truth To Power post gave me a good wallop. Helped me realize that I need to put more energy into honest relationships (to which I have a stable handful) and less into those who won't let me have a bitchy day.

  • Speaking of honest relationships, I have a hygienist friend/running buddy who promises to pluck my chin hairs if debilitation renders me unable to do so myself. AND she won't make fun of me for being hairy.

  • Beethoven is my favorite composer for piano.

  • I get the butterflies when I click the "Publish Post" button.

  • This is my favorite shirt - this week.


  • I find all discussions of weight horribly dull. Your own? Someone else's? Doesn't matter. DULL.

  • I'm often smothered by the culture in my religion.

  • Any object installed into the human body - for vanity - scares me. Unless it's an IUD. (Is it vain NOT to have more children than you can handle? "A Man's Got To Know His Limitations".)

  • Spouse still looks at me with wanton eyes. Prolly 'cause I know stuff about taxes. And Clint Eastwood. And I have an IUD.

  • Let me know if this blog turns into a primordial brag fest. I'd rather it smack me betwixt the eyes with honesty.

Sunday, January 25, 2009

THAT Winder is so funny!

Sunday January 25, 2008

So funny is she, I hafta share (even though I'm possesive and want her for myself.)

So go here. And if you want another, go here.

Friday, January 23, 2009

Holy Guacomole

January 23, 2009

Me: I could go vegan

Spouse: (With one eyebrow cocked), Oh yeah. What makes you say that?

Me: I could live on guac and soy milk.

It’s true I could (except for a burger now and again, especially a jalapeno burger – with guac, and a nice almost raw petite sirloin – smothered in guac, yum!)

But if I HAD to, I could be a Guac-Soy Vegan. I’m already thinking of recipes. Like the GuacSoSmoothie, which is a blender full of guac, soy milk and crushed ice. Best consumed through a straw. Or Guac Cereal - almost-ripe avocado chunks in a bowl with soy milk drizzled over the top. Could be garnished with the pit.

This is great fun, isn’t it? The thought of dietary restriction has sparked an interest in my loins over what diets there are – way out there. (Those of you who know me, will attest that dietary restriction is not part of my plan. Unless of course it’s the removal of hydrogenated oil. That abhorrent stuff is two molecules away from a plastic bag – definitely not part of my plan).

Anyway, let’s get back to dietary restrictions, shall we?

The commons include Vegetarianism (no meat), Veganism (no meat, no animal by-products, but leather boots are A-OK), Hard-Core Veganism (same as Veganism but no boots - who wants to eat boots?), and the South Beachism, Weight Watchersism, Atkinsism diets.

To keep myself awake, I will resist the paralyzing urge to discuss or research diets intended to lose weight. We all know it’s a burn more calories than you eat thing, right? Pretty simple.

The first out-there fascination is Raw Foodism. The title says it all on this one - raw, unprocessed, unpasteurized food. Bread? Nope. Kim chi? Yip. Soup? Nope. Sushi? Yip. Raw Oats? Yip, but you’ll turn into a horse. Let's see if it passes the Soy milk -Guac test. Is soy milk cooked? Don’t think so. Guac? It's good on Raw Foodism!

The second menu of restriction is Paleolithicism. On this one, you can only eat food that was around during the Paleolithic time period. Rumors lead us to believe it was about 10,000 years ago (give or take a few days). I’ll call this one the dinosaur diet. Guac? Stegosauruseses (Stegosaurai?) like guac I’m sure. Soy milk? Possibly. Those cave people were into pounding the soy beans to make juice.

The third and final diet is the most confining of all. It was deemed as such when Spouse asked “What’s the most confining”. Ready? It’s Raw Veganism. Think about that one. All the raw beans, rice and broccoli you can get your hands. And guac? You can have guac!

See? Guac is the universal food.

Wednesday, January 21, 2009

You Can See It From Space!

January 21, 2009


Monday, January 19, 2009

Bring On The Dancing Dufus!

November 19, 2009



Tomorrow is inauguration day. I am very excited. So excited am I that we're making chili in strict accordance with the Obama Family Recipe. (Many thanks to the Rookie-Cookie for sharing).


Since everyone knows that chili means farty... I mean party, we will have one. A party, that is. Complete with flags and and streamers and a parade. I will wear my finest gown and the Yahoos will serve as the Secret Service (just don't throw your shoes at my precious children or I'll unleash my inner mother-bear). We'll record the festivities for prime time viewing and watch with hope for the years to come.


I might even take notes.

Saturday, January 17, 2009

Wow. What a weak.

January 17, 2008

Had a bad week. I was weak. I thought too much. Couldn't relax. Ran a race. Went all right, but not great. Energy is low. Want to be an introvert. Friend says "What's wrong". I say, "Had a bad week. Will get better." Friend says, "You don't need to be bitchy."

Ask me how well that went over.

I've learned that people have clearly defined expectations for how I should behave/react/show emotion in certain circumstances. When are they going to learn that I don't fit the collective mold?

Not only was my mold broken - they beat the hell out of the mold maker!

Thursday, January 15, 2009

A Pothole of Sorts

January 15, 2008

For some reason, I find myself in a rut. I am obsessing over the things I am not. And the things that I am? Well, they're contributing to the things I am not.

Is it my job, duties or obligations? Is it the economy? Is it winter, the weather or lack of time? Is it because of my self-inflicted non-shop therapy? Is it the PMS Avenger? Who knows. It's not each part. It's the sum of all the parts.

Why am I writing this? Or worse yet, publishing it openly? Am I looking for a condolence or two? Am I fishing for help? Am I hunting for attention? Am I trying to see how many question marks I can get into one post? Nope, nada, nit, no way, never.

Believe it or not, writing this junk makes me feel better.

One might argue that these types of thoughts and feelings are best documented in lined and bound books cleverly coined journals. But truthfully, those wretched things scare me senseless. First, they have this secret undisclosable nature about them - the writer (aka me) tends to throw out necessary censorship. Second, no one hears you. Which I already get a lot of (being a windowless basement employee, mom and wife.)

Thoughts become words. Words eventually become paragraphs. Paragraphs provide clarity. Nothing is solved or fixed, but worries are magically aligned.

Here, on my blog, I am heard. And no one talks back.


**Comments don't count as "talking back" because I have the ultimate power of deletion.

Wednesday, January 14, 2009

Shoes and Beer

January 14, 2008



In the which we (women) don't feel ridiculous until we see them (men) imitating us...

Tuesday, January 13, 2009

Today

January 13, 2008



Dramatic I know, but tomorrow will be better! AND I found the key to my ski rack! Hooray!

Monday, January 12, 2009

A Probe into the Globes

January 12, 2008

We didn't watch The Golden Globes. Spouse and I figured our precious evening could be better spent with Season One, Disc 3 of Arrested Development while the Yahoos played a lego something-or-other on the PS2.

It's important, however, to watch a morning news program the morning after a fancy award show. You know... to get the recap of who wore what with who and how much. It's also fun to see who happened to fall on their face - fashionably speaking.

As far as award show summations go, this one was a snoozer... Other than Cameron Diaz should have followed the Justin Timberlake "Pale is the New Tan" fad and worn sunscreen. Like 12 years ago.

... Other than women leaned towards asymmetry with one-shouldered frocks. And fake eyelashes on the right eye. Kidding! But that would be waaaay asymmetrical. Looking out those extra lashes on one eye would most definitely color the world in lopsided disproportion.

... Other than Renee Zellweger pretending to be above and beyond the crowd in her black organza mess of a dress. So uppity these days

... Other than Mickey Rourke is back and he ain't a sex symbol anymore. Not that I ever thought he was, but the peanut gallery thought so.

... Other than Jennifer Lopez and her can't-move-or-I'll-expose-it-all garb. One needn't worry, however, about seeing her unmentionables. The tautness of said garb would prohibit any movement at all. Prolly had to bring her in with a crane.

... Other than we'll hypothesize for decades over what Heath's outfit and acceptance speech would entail. I have a theory about that one. It isn't respectful to the deceased so I'll refrain.

Watch me grow some morality, will ya! (All it takes is some love and some sunshine and a little H2o and maybe some Ween!)

I watched The Today Show this morning. You know... the one with Meredith and Matt and Al. There are a few things worth remembering and criticizing:
  1. Several times, the fashions were referred to as being subdued and simple - in respect of the economic crisis. Folks... there's no restraint in a $5000 gown! I don't care how plain it looks. Where is Sharon Stone and her Gap turtleneck?
  2. Get rid of that word poignant. The trio used it multiple times too many. It's just entertainment for crying out loud.
  3. When exactly does a movie become a film? Not one of those sideline commentators referred to the current movie as just that... a movie. They called it a film. As in There were many great films this year. Or It's amazing (we know how much I love that one) how many poignant films there were this year.

It occurred to me that I have never called a movie a film. Is there a certain 7 figure income required in order to gain rights to calling a movie a film? This got my blood pressure and pulse and heart-rate going - I began to speculate with child-like wonder over the many words one might use when making a movie-ish declaration . Are you ready?

How about cinema, motion picture, screenplay, silver screen (why not gold screen?), or show.

My personal favorite? Flick. But that sounds more like something you do with boogers. Unless of course you watch someone flick boogers in a movie. Then it would be a flick about flicking.

Friday, January 09, 2009

Told You So...

January 9, 2008

It's just too darned bad the lovely girl who barrelled into me this morning (with her rumbling long bed monster truck) didn't read Winter Driving Tip #1

The dyke mobile is so sad!

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Tuesday, January 06, 2009

Tuesday Tune Vol 11

January 6, 2008

Today's Tuesday Tunes are all about emotion. Gut wretching emotion. It all started because the shuffle button in the Itunes produced:

Pioneer To The Falls - Interpol

And I thought to myself, I want to hear more songs like this today. That's how the Tuesday Tune Volume 11 Playlist - Gutwretching Emotion - was born.

Give It Away - Zero 7

Overcome - Live

Mad World - Tears For Fears

I Still Miss Someone - Roseanne Cash (Johnny Cash Cover)

Knock Me Out - Linda Perry & Grace Slick

Holding Me Up - Dandy Warhols

Baby, Now That I've Found You - Alison Krauss

All I Want Is You - U2

Little One - Beck

Last, but certainly most assuredly not least...

Comfortably Numb - Pink Floyd

Winter Driving Tip #2

January 6, 2008

If you can see your reflection on the road,
you should prolly SLOW DOWN.


p.s. There's no story behind the tips. Just doing my community service for the year. I'm sure you guys in Hawaii are grateful. (Like I have readers in Hawaii!)

Monday, January 05, 2009

Winter Driving Tip #1

January 5, 2009

Don't brake and turn at the same time.