Tuesday, November 10, 2009

Yak With Gak

Back in my working days, work was fun. Not that I'm not working now. I'm working now. In a windowless basement office all by my lonely self. But Back In The Day, work was great. We worked hard and played hard. I had great friends at that place. As luck (and prolly some other stuff) would have it, we're still friends. We meet regularly for lunches, Christmas parties and whatnot.

One such friend was Gak. Gak was great fun for he was sly and witty and the smartest of all asses on the planet. Gak received wind of the upcoming India trip. Gak has been to India and initiated an instant messenger conversation. One worth remembering. I've provided his instant messenger photo so you can see somewhat what we're dealing with.

Incidentally, you might be totally bored with the conversation and not find a bit of it funny. But that's okay! You're good enough. You're strong enough. And doggonit, people like you!


(16:07:42) gak: hey
(16:07:53) gak: where in india are you going?
(16:07:56) rabidrunner: Pune
(16:08:08) gak: it that next to Tang?
(16:08:23) rabidrunner: dunno. It's about 3 hours drive inland from mumbai
(16:08:29) rabidrunner: But we're flying
(16:08:54) gak: Mumbai airport sucked two years ago
(16:09:07) gak: hope it's better for you now
(16:09:30) rabidrunner: Yeah, we heard it's bad. Did you take a flight from mumbai?
(16:09:34) rabidrunner: To another city in India?

(16:10:11) rabidrunner: We have a 5 hour layover. The company's making us check into a hotel in Mumbai. I thought it would be easier to jist stay in the airport in Mumbai. They said, "uh..... no."

(16:10:26) rabidrunner: Nice photo, man.
(16:11:24) gak: we flew to Hyderabad
(16:11:36) gak: the domestic part of the mumbai airport is fine
(16:11:42) gak: just the international terminal sucks
(16:12:10) gak: we spent about 5 hours in the airport.
(16:12:40) gak: just took a buss from int. to domestic and waited around in the domestic terminal till security opened up.
(16:13:00) gak: it was the worst day of my life as far as travel is concerned.
(16:13:16) rabidrunner: Which part of the day, the whole flight combined or just the mumbai part.
(16:13:36) gak: the 36 hour day it took to get to hyderabad
(16:13:45) gak: can't sleep anyway,
(16:14:08) gak: so no sleep on the delta flight, then wait in mumbai and 3 hour flight to hyderabad.
(16:14:19) gak: horrible.
(16:14:43) rabidrunner: ah...
(16:14:50) rabidrunner: We're stopping in Paris for four days

(16:15:05) gak: yea, lucky you.
(16:15:18) rabidrunner: then heading to mumbai with a stop in Dubai. We tried to figure a way to stay in Dubai but alas we cannot afford Dubai.
(16:15:19) gak: make sure you take pepto...
(16:15:40) rabidrunner: The health department gave us a script for a traveler's diarrhea prescription.
(16:15:48) gak: what?
(16:16:34) rabidrunner: It's a prescribed medicine that's like pepto only better.
(16:16:35) gak: Only eat in 5star hotels, unless you have someone that is taking you around and knows your week american digestive systems.
(16:16:56) gak: also take little individual packaged wet ones
(16:17:02) gak: or the like, a lot of them.
(16:17:11) gak: and the little bottles of hand sanitizer.
(16:17:15) gak: and use them often.
(16:17:28) rabidrunner: Ah, good to know. There's a girl in our hood from Goa. Her husband is American. He said that if you're not eating at the 5 stars, go vegetarian.
(16:17:49) gak: but don't eat any veggies that are not cooked.
(16:17:56) gak: no raw veggies/fruits.
(16:18:01) gak: NONE
(16:18:29) gak: also find out if the hotel filters/purifies their water to the showers.
(16:18:50) gak: if not, put mouth wash in your mouth during your entire shower.
(16:21:01) gak: don't let waiters open your bottled water, you open it yourself after they bring it to you.
(16:21:07) gak: NO ice.
(16:21:29) gak: they will try and give you bottles of water that were refilled.
(16:21:45) gak: so make sure you open it and they are sealed and you crack the seal.
(16:23:10) rabidrunner: I'm going to copy all this and put it in a doc.
(16:23:20) rabidrunner: Keep it coming.

(16:23:27) gak: thinking....
(16:23:49) gak: no raw coconut from street vendors until the day you come home.
(16:24:09) gak: you know the ones they chop the top off and you drink the juice.
(16:24:29) gak: same day to "experiment" with foods if you want.
(16:24:51) gak: but not before, hopefully you will make it home before the trots set in.
(16:27:23) rabidrunner: Our flight home is 19 hours, Mumbai to Amsterdam, then on to detroit.
(16:28:35) gak: 19 acutall hours?
(16:29:41) gak: how many days will you be in india?
(16:30:05) rabidrunner: um, 10 counting the travel days
(16:30:21) rabidrunner: Yeah, the total flight is 19 hours to Detroit.
(16:30:32) gak: take 4-5 days worth of clothes and have them laundered at the hotel.....
(16:30:42) gak: there's lots of crap to buy and bring home.
(16:30:47) gak: if you?re into that stuff.
(16:30:54) rabidrunner: like what kind of crap?
(16:31:00) gak: rugs
(16:31:04) gak: woodden carvings
(16:31:16) rabidrunner: herbs and spices?
(16:31:17) gak: stone gods
(16:31:21) gak: yes
(16:31:26) rabidrunner: what are they stoned on? Those gods?
(16:31:33) gak: actually
(16:31:51) gak: there is some drink that d. lavange told me about that is a lot like pot
(16:31:54) gak: that they drink
(16:31:56) gak: as a tea
(16:32:11) gak: never tried it, but i would if i went back.
(16:32:16) rabidrunner: Sweet. Did you drink the tea?
(16:32:20) gak: i can fin out the name if you want?
(16:32:26) gak: yea drink as a tea
(16:32:34) gak: gives you a good buzz
(16:32:38) gak: from what i heard
(16:33:08) gak: the guy i asked it about there was surprised i knew about it
(16:33:15) gak: but was willing to take me to get some
(16:33:19) gak: just didn't have time.
(16:33:31) gak: but you'll have 8 hours a day for "tea"
(16:34:03) rabidrunner: "Take you to get some"? From who, the Indian Mafia?
(16:34:16) rabidrunner: In a back alley. Is it against the word of wisdom?

(16:34:19) gak: no like the tea/coffee shops
(16:34:27) gak: I'm sure it's not.
(16:34:34) rabidrunner: well good. I'll get me some of that.
(16:34:39) gak: it wasn't listed last time I read that passage.
(16:34:51) gak: Big one......
(16:34:59) rabidrunner: eh?
(16:35:03) gak: have Spouse walk in front of you and block the beggars
(16:35:07) gak: they will touch you
(16:35:12) gak: and want handouts.
(16:35:22) gak: don't do it and have him run blocker for you.
(16:35:26) rabidrunner: Handouts? Like sexual handouts?
(16:35:32) rabidrunner: I have a driver.
(16:36:01) gak: but they will be in front of you when you walk from car to hotel/restaurant/work.
(16:36:04) gak: they are everywhere
(16:36:16) gak: they will try and touch your hand, arm.
(16:36:28) gak: don't make eye contact and just walk past.
(16:36:49) gak: they will come up to your car at the intersections and bang on the glass, don't look at them.
(16:37:04) gak: even the ones with only one arm and no legs.
(16:37:21) rabidrunner: ah shiz
(16:37:32) rabidrunner: What the hell have I gotten myself into!

(16:37:33) gak: Remember little Aravand from Slumdog Millionaire
(16:37:41) rabidrunner: Yes, tears are forming.
(16:37:55) gak: the mame themselfs to be able to get more money from you.
(16:38:12) gak: you will really appreciate the FDA when you get home.
(16:38:30) gak: all the police will take bribes if you get in a hard place.
(16:39:12) gak: most of this info comes from my friend who is Indian and was our escort while we were there.
(16:39:38) gak: Expecially remember the bottled water thing.
(16:40:01) gak: we saw kids filling up water bottles with a hose and then taking them to the little street shops to sell as bottled water.
(16:40:58) gak: I'll find the name of the trusted bottled water you should order by name.
(16:41:01) gak: it's bottled by coke.
(16:41:07) gak: and safe
(16:41:30) rabidrunner: k sounds good. Hey, what about electrical stuff. Do I need a plug converter thingee bopper.
(16:42:23) gak: for what?
(16:42:27) gak: laptop no
(16:42:36) gak: anything else yes.
(16:42:43) gak: they use 220
(16:42:57) rabidrunner: hairdryer, etc
(16:43:07) gak: they should have that at hotel.
(16:43:18) gak: what hotel chain r you staying at?
(16:44:08) gak: Marriott, Taj are good.
(16:44:30) rabidrunner: Please hold. Forgot.
(16:45:20) gak: most plugs have both round holes, which is what you get with 220 but have slots as well like we have here.
(16:45:36) gak: never found a place i couldn't plug my laptop directly into plug.
(16:45:46) rabidrunner: Le Meridien
(16:46:00) gak: but i did burn up my hair clippers cause it didn't handle 220
(16:46:08) gak: but fit in plug slot.
(16:46:24) gak: let me ask friend about that them, is it a chain?
(16:47:04) rabidrunner: dunno, 5 star
(16:47:28) gak: they should have hair dryer
(16:47:46) gak: what else do you need to plug in, other items should take AAA batteries :)
(16:48:19) rabidrunner: Triple A?
(16:48:25) rabidrunner: More like C dude
.
(16:49:42) gak: you one hell of a woman
(16:50:17) rabidrunner: seriously
(16:50:51) gak: this is for Spouse's work right?
(16:51:10) gak: what will you be doing while he's at work?
(16:51:33) rabidrunner: Great question. Having Jeebdujar drive me around.
(16:52:16) gak: one more thing....
(16:52:30) rabidrunner: This is fun
(16:52:34) gak: Indians want to give you things... little gifts...
(16:52:46) gak: just accept them, but don't fee the need to reciprocate.
(16:53:04) gak: they may invite you to their house for dinner and stuff.
(16:53:07) rabidrunner: Like the people working with Spouse?
(16:53:15) gak: these can turn into very long episodes.
(16:53:31) rabidrunner: k - They've already requested chocolate. Gonna make a See's run before I go.
(16:53:34) gak: don?t 'worry about politely saying no thanks.
(16:53:45) gak: they love that
(16:53:57) gak: give that to the VP's and the like.
(16:54:16) gak: take bags of cheap crap from Wal mart for the lower class workers.
(16:54:19) gak: they will love it.
(16:54:36) gak: bags of halloween fun size crap is perfect.
(16:56:13) gak: make sure you pack whatever you really need in your carry on, as they are notorious for loosing luggage. so a change of g's, toothbrush and one change of cloths.
(16:56:23) gak: they can always launder at the hotel.
(17:00:29) rabidrunner: Lower class software workers?
(17:00:36) rabidrunner: Or lower class hotel workers?

(17:01:42) gak: software
(17:01:49) gak: like testers/developers.
(17:02:26) gak: management is the place folks want to be over there, and the ones you need so schmooze to make friends with.
(17:02:28) rabidrunner: Ah. So no chocolate in India? I thought there was loads of that in India. Didn't you see the Johnny Depp Charlie and Chocolate Factory? The Sultan made his castle out of chocolate.
(17:02:51) gak: didn't see that, but that's all they want from us.
(17:03:14) rabidrunner: Isn't there a song for that? Gimme all your chocolate... all your hugs and kisses too.
(17:03:35) rabidrunner: ZZ-top
(17:03:48) gak: Oh, and don't order fish at restaurants unless it says what type of fish.
(17:04:01) gak: inland fish is not good nor good for you.
(17:04:14) rabidrunner: Why don't you list the 5 things I CAN eat.
(17:04:19) gak: halibut at 5star hotel resturant is fine.
(17:04:29) gak: boiled chicken
(17:04:32) gak: boiled lamb
(17:04:37) gak: boiled goat
(17:04:38) rabidrunner: herbs and spices?
(17:04:44) rabidrunner: Do they really eat goat?
(17:04:46) gak: if they boiled.
(17:04:49) gak: yea
(17:04:52) gak: it's very good
(17:05:16) gak: if you see lamb on the menu, it's probably goat instead of sheep
(17:05:38) gak: goat is very good if you already like lamb "sheep".
(17:05:53) gak: or venison.
(17:05:55) rabidrunner: If I make it back, we should have lunch.
(17:06:01) gak: YES
(17:06:11) rabidrunner: I'm listening to Gimme all your chocolate now.
(17:06:23) rabidrunner: I got to have a shot! Cause what you got is awful sweet

(17:06:36) rabidrunner: Someone should write Big Al Yankovich about this one

(17:06:47) rabidrunner: Gimme all your chocolate, don't let up until you do.
(17:07:23) gak: is that your original song?
(17:07:29) gak: or can I use it as a song writer?
(17:07:58) rabidrunner: It's a bastardized version of "Gimme All Your Lovin'" So, maybe a cover?
(17:08:12) rabidrunner: Guess what I?m doing?
(17:08:21) gak: zz top?
(17:08:35) gak: changing C batteries?
(17:08:38) rabidrunner: Well that too, I'm "beautifying federal tax forms"
(17:08:51) rabidrunner: That's what my bug says: "Beautify federal tax forms"
(17:08:58) rabidrunner: Tax forms are purdy.
(17:09:13) gak: LOL
(17:09:40) rabidrunner: I've lost count over how many times I've gufawed in this conversation. Might I put it on my blog for future reference? I'll change the names of course.
(17:10:16) gak: I'm not innocent so no name need to be changed, just correct my spelling.
(17:10:37) rabidrunner: nah, that's what makes it so fun. Without punk-choo-ation too.
(17:11:32) gak: you can use my real life immage if you like,
(17:11:45) rabidrunner: How do I save it?
(17:11:49) gak: that's the photo this eff?n mac took of me the first time i booted it up.
(17:11:53) gak: no idea
(17:11:56) rabidrunner: nevermind, found out how
(17:12:03) rabidrunner: holy sh**, you are funny

(17:12:19) rabidrunner: What's your eff?n phone number?
(17:12:35) gak: 801-777-7777
(17:12:42) gak: you going to publish that too?
(17:12:44) rabidrunner: oh. yer at home?
(17:12:48) gak: yes
(17:12:57) gak: been working from home today.

In the which I phoned gak and we giggled. He told me to bring extra socks.

5 comments:

tom lindsey said...

My attention span is far too short for this. I did notice a reference to ZZ-Top so that was good-- I think I will fire up the iTunes and have a listen to 'Blue Jean Blues'.

I wish I were still bald-- though I never looked as cool as GA.

Sparks said...

I'm a woman so my attention is better than Tom's. He missed out. Informative and funny!

And you might need to upgrade to D batteries if you actually eat goat.

And I'm not kidding. I want you to please take thousands of pictures. Want to see what Gak is talking about.

Lars said...

I concur with Megan, Tom missed out. That Gak is one witty gent. I am a bit nervous for you and the diarrhea you may be experiencing on this trip. Nothing worse than getting that ill in a third world country, well actually maybe having it on a 19 hr flight. Eek. Good luck! May your bowels be in camping mode.

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Mandee said...

I can't believe you still want to go after the conversation!

I have a friend whose parents have served 2 missions in India- he took his older two kids to go visit them their this summer. He has the BEST stories- the members of the church there are incredible people.

I'm excited for you- and yes, take lots of pictures!