Monday, November 02, 2009

Why So Serious...?

There were a lot of Jokers out there this Halloween.

It's an easy costume, so you can see why there were so many. All you need is a face full of mashed up makeup. Just slap on some white glop and whore up the eyes with black goo. The easiest part of this costume however, is the lipstick. Just use your "off" hand to apply. Meaning, if you're a righty, or write with your right, use the left. If you're a lefty, or write with your left, use the right. That red stuff will end up all over the place.

Pretentious use of dexterity results in a face full of mash. Perfect for the Joker.

Every time I saw one of those Jokers, I'd mumble, "Why so serious?" all evil and such. Under my breath of course, 'cause you know those Jokers are prolly tired of everyone saying "Why so serious?" Incidentally, every time I mumbled that "Why so serious?" business, I thought of a discussion a little blogger started a while back. Had to do with using the left or right. Or better yet, had to do with choosing the left or the right.

Bloggers can be quite serious.

First, let's just say that blogs are all about getting things off the chest, for spewing thoughts, for ranting and raving. Blogs are about opinions. And you know what they say about opinions being like... you know.... Every one's got one. Oh do I got one. Hell I got eight.

With that said, there are a few bloggers out there that are taking this whole opinion thing far too seriously. Same goes for commentators. Some feel it's their "calling in life" to set the world straight. Some of these bloggers and commentators are trying to save us from ourselves. They've mounted that giant white high-horse and bashed it into their proverbial soap box.

So when does an opinion go too far? Great question! Prolly when you quit laughing at it.

Want an example? I've got examples. Oh do I ever have examples.

There's this blogger. Not American. Admits to never reading the Constitution but believes she's in-tune with American politics. Religious persuasion is LDS (commonly referred to as Mormon.) Political orientation is self-proclaimed "liberal." (What exactly does this liberal word mean, by the way? Does that have to do with Republicans and Democrats?)

In a particular post by this foreign, exuberantly-interested-in-American-politics blogger, she went on and on and on (and even on from there) about Mormons and why they always vote Republican or lean to the right. She hashed out issue after issue. It was exhausting. But she wanted an answer. She wanted to know why Mormons mostly vote Republican.

Hello? Choose The Right? CTR? It's on the ring. Mormons wear the ring to the voting booths so they know which side to choose. I think there's a lobby underway as we speak to actualize ballots with all the Repubs listed on the right and the Dems listed on the left. Wouldn't that be awesome! Mormons wouldn't have to think. Just punch all those chads on the right and bam! You're choosing the right. They could announce that at Con-fernce.
By the way, Megan has engineered the CTR Tramp Stamp, just in case you're interested.

* Post Edit: Just to clarify, the above mentioned paragraph is not true - the ring is not required to vote. Mormons are encouraged to think for themselves and make their own political decisions. I'm a cynic who meant to demonstrate that many people do not necessarily think for themselves when they vote. It has come to my attention that the above mentioned paragraph might confuse those who are not LDS and are not familiar with the culture. For this I apologize.

Anyway, at the end of the post, she posed three or four or five fairly elaborate questions on the above mentioned topic. All of which involved opinions. Politics are all about opinions, right? There is no correct or altruistic answer to politics.

I started to read through the comments. Several of those comments were tooting the I'm-a-Mormon-Lefty-hear-me-roar horn. Blogger would reply, pom-poms in hand, and express gratitude for playing her game. However, anytime a "Righty" left a response to her request for voting Republican, she'd bash 'em in the head with the yell leader's bull horn.

Why so serious...?

I'm going to use the Kitchen-Aid / Bosch metaphor to compare 'n contrast.
(Notice how I didn't use PC / Mac to compare 'n contrast. That one is serious. I'm not going there.)

I'm a Bosch. But I want to know why so many people are Kitchen-Aid. So I post an chimerical caper that lists the features of both Kitchen-Aid and Bosch. I pretend that I truly am interested in seeing why so many people are Kitchen-Aid. I even ask others to answer that question. When someone tells me why they prefer Kitchen-Aid, I yell, "DIE PIG!"

Okay that was harsh. She wasn't that bad. But still. Nothing bothers me more than pretentiously open-minded nitwits. I'm so awesome and informed. I'm so open-minded. Let's have a discussion. Riiiiigggght (with an eye roll). Or is it Leeeeffftt (with a pickle face).

Why so serious...?

I guess it's 'cause politics are serious (or dancing, whatever.)

A few posts later, she went off again. Only this time it was over Where The Wild Things Are. Do you know the story? (The discussion was about the book not the movie.)

Allow me to recap the story for those of you who don't read it every-other-day. There's this kid named Max. Max runs wild. He stabs the dog with a fork. He mouths off to his mom, saying, "I'll eat you up." Max's mom doesn't put up with mouthiness and she sends him to his room without dinner. Max then turns his bed into a boat and sails to Where The Wild Things Are. He finds some monsters. They do the Wild Rumpus. (That recap sounded naughty! It's not, go get yourself the book.) Max gets lonely for home and sails back to his room. He finds dinner on his bed side table. And it's still hot.

Politics-are-Dancing blogger went off. She insisted that Max's punishment was far too extreme for his antics. Specifically, for saying, "I'll eat you up!" to his mother. To-the-room without dinner wasn't warranted for the actions of this mouthy child.

Come ON! Where The Wild Things Are?

She missed the whole disciplining with love theme in the book as well as the unconditional support Max's mom will have for this child. But whatever. And maybe in real life Max told his mother something entirely different. Maybe it was inappropriate for printage in a children's book.

Again. Why so serious...?!

I think this girl just might be putting her lipstick on with the wrong hand. Pretentious use of dexterity results in a face full of mash. Perfect for Politics-are-Dancing.


I'm hoping this post gets me some hate mail or comments. I've never gotten any hate mail or comments. You haven't arrived as a blogger until you have received some hate. Okay I lied. I did get accosted mellowly when I made fun of the southern drawl.

Tune in next time when I reveal what I said in the comments of her Mormons Voting Republican post and what she barked back. You might think now, dear reader that my political orientation is "on the right." But you're wrong. Member? I'm a Pervertarian. My platform is the perverse of everything. Not right. Not left. But DOWN.

Do you wonder why I still read the Politics are Dancing girl's blog? For the same reason I read any blog: Entertainment.

P.S. Tomorrow is voting day. This is a friendly rabid reminder to exercise your right as an American and go vote. For your city council and your mayor and what-have-you. And please, please, PLEASE do a little research before you go. Don't choose your mayor over who's signage is in the Jones' yard. You can also do as I'm doing - and vote against the incumbants. Every last one of them. You in office now? Die pig!


megan said...

I have a Cuisinart - knocks both the kitchenaid and bosch out of the water (at least that's what williams & sonoma said).

Lars said...

I'm ambidextrous so I guess that screws the pooch on being the Joker, damn.

Sparks said...

Watch it--when next see you I might kiss you, with a face full of mash.

This was beyond genius. The metaphors! Oh!

Staci said...

Oh man, I have to wait to see what you commented. Some people do take themselves way too seriously. Plus way too many people think they know way more than they really do.

Also, I have a kitchenaid by default: was given to me because it was a good deal. It doesn't work well for making my bread. I have to take it out after awhile and knead it by hand.

Oh that reminds me, Saturday I was making bread and wouldn't you know I left out the salt AGAIN. I discovered my error while I was kneading the bread so I just kneaded some in. Stupid, I know. No bread aficionado would ever do such a heinous thing. But to my uncultured pallate, it tasted pretty good in the end.

Wow, that was a tangent . . .

Mandee said...

I love, love, love you. And I want a Bosch really bad.

I am DYING to read her blog. Email me the link, will ya?

And lastly, we are voting like you. Get out!

Brandon and Julie said...

I think some people believe that seriousness=validity. Or something like that. To get one's panties in a twist must mean that they "know" what they are talking about, or their conviction in their own opinion some how makes it right. They must think that seriousness and intensity makes them smarter.

I could be totally off. Meh, oh well. This is a ridiculously awesome post.

Rachel said...

I would love the link to this blog! Love this post too. It kills me when people get all super preachy and what-not. Glad you can have a sense of humor about it.

The MacMizzles said...

Wait, you mean...your political affiliation goes down on justice? Sign this sista up!

Jessica said...

I know the blog (and post) of which you speak. I skimmed the post (too long for me that day), but went back today to take a gander.

Funny how people ask for something, get it, and then get mad about it. So strange. Especially since you weren't slanderous or anything. Why so serious, indeed.

(And look at ME saying this, being a lefty (and a Kitchen Aid) and all...)

rabidrunner said...

Cuisinart!? You mean the food processing people? Wow. Didn't know that was an option. Suppose the Cuisinarts are the Greens? Or the Constitutionalists? Or the Libertarians?

I'm so very happy that the lovely Lars and Sparks get me. They truly do get me. Sigh. It's too bad you both live so far away. We could meet for hot cocoa at Starbucks.

Staci, you are still my favorite person to talk politics with. Not only are you intelligent, you have an "in" with the people in charge. I too have done the add salt while kneading thing and it always turns out. Good thing you caught it before the dough made it into the pans. Sprinkling it on top doesn't work so great. And don't ask me how I know that.

Mandee, Mandelina, my cousin is your mayor! Fer reals. But don't vote fer him because he's my cousin. Nicest guy on the planet, however. Spoke with him the other week about his many controversies. The guy means well... truly does.

Sadly, I think B&J (Brandon and Julie didn't you know your initials are BJ? And this is where you answer, "Rabid. You are so clever. We have never noticed that!) hehehe. Anyway, I think B&J hit the nail on the nose with the Intensity = validity = smartness comment. Many believe that. That same many are not fun to be around.

I debated for a day over whether or not to include links to the posts. Maybe later. The Where the Wild Things Are post is especially entertaining. Give that girl a marshmallow and she'll find a controversy. If you want links, e-mail me at

Oh MacMizzles, are we related? Do we share the same genetic offering? I believe we do. (Fer reals, she's the sister of moi.)

That was brilliant "Pervertarians: We go down on justice." Brilliant again. Especially since the Spouse and Yahoos and me have been doing a Batman marathon these last couple of days. We should have t-shirts.

Jessica, you're a lefty with a Kitchen Aid? We should be friends. I won't take it personally that you don't own a Bosch. It will be hard. But I will conquer. (The action however, is DOWN, not left. Just thought you should know. The Esposo would prolly agree...)

I've yet to see in any miserly, malicious, or moiling mentionables. What's up with that?

Jessica said...

the esposo would prolly agree. especially since he almost canceled out my vote this last election, and generally does as you do and votes against the current-in-office, whomever that might be. also votes "no" on all props, since we're crazy here in CA and have special elections for everything (what a waste of my damn money!).

DOWN it is.

Brandon and Julie said...

Rabid,you are so clever! We never noticed that!

Ryan McMillan said...

So... Some basic (well, pseudo basic) googleing (sp?) has revealed the post in question. For all of those faithful rabid readers, the link can and will be provided to all of those who undertake the following steps:

1 - Take a photo of your CTR ring in an election booth.

2- Bake something that can be served with chicken, of course with your super expensive mixers of whatever brand you so desire. Also, don't forget to send some of your baked goods via smell-o-vision.

3- Exclaim both your political and religious views while in said voting booth from step 1.

4- Type your response to this posting with whichever hand is NOT your dominant.

Upon successful completion of all above steps the link will be in the mail... (please send a self-addressed stamped envelope (SASE) for proper delivery, delivery may take 8-246 weeks).

Contest is open to all dogs, cats, jokers, and serious people over 1 month old. Many will enter, few (if any) will win. For complete rules and eligibility requirements, please email smarta$$