Monday, November 09, 2009

Instant Humility

Just today, I discovered a new perk for being a parent. Are you ready to get in on this action? I knew you would. Here it is: You get to feel like a failure, in some way, almost every day. Isn't that great? Instant humility! Without effort. Sweet!

It's like instant coffee only not as stimulating.

Now here's where people who've yet to see my parenting in action can leave all sorts "you're an awesome mommy" comments. Go ahead. It'll be sincere 'n stuff. This is also where the perfect parenting people, or social workers, can leave patronizing comments about how my cynicism and negative attitude will undoubtedly ruin the self esteem of my endearing Yahoos. "You're a great mommy, and you're doing a great job, even though we've never met, but here's the flip side of what you're doing...." Maybe my Yahoos don't even have a self esteem to ruin. It's possible, you know.

On a brighter note, I had a great weekend! So great was the weekend, that reality is looking all the more real. And guess what? While getting off in Salt Lake, I discovered that the pilot on my plane was a long lost friend. In the which I jumped into the cockpit to present hugs and freak out the plane people. Terrorism has totally ruined everything. Can't even jump into a pit de cock to hug someone.



Brandon and Julie said...

I was beginning to think I was the only daily-failure-parent around. Glad to hear you're a failure, too.

Sparks said...

"Getting off" in SLC, huh?

Sounds like things are great, so stop your moaning. Unless you're a moaner that is.

Jessica said...

I'm a social worker with a bit of a Debbie Downer streak, so you won't be getting advice from me. Except, I don't have kids so that means I can hand out parenting advice like it's going out of style, right?

megan said...

what?? no reason or story for the failure today? I was hoping to build my self-esteem by stepping on others!! :)

Lars said...

Nice Sparks, nice.

You would solicit parenting advice Jessica! Nasty little social worker you!

Julia said...

I'm with Megan. Where's the story? How are we supposed to offer obnoxious unsolicited advice without a story. :)

rabidrunner said...

Sadly, there is no story. It was the morning as usual, which is: "Put your clothes on" 100 times, followed by "eat your breakfast" 100 times, followed by "put your dishes in the dishwasher" 100 times, followed by "put your shoes on 100 times" followed by go "practice the piano" 100 times, followed by "brush your teeth" 5 times. At least they care about their teeth right? Enough that they'll respond after only 5 times.

Here's where the failure part comes in. If I were doing a good job, the Yahoos would know THIS IS THE ROUTINE after doing it for three years. Just a thought. Which means I've failed to teach them how to do their thing each day.

In addition, Yahoo #1 didn't pass his hearing test at school and Yahoo #2 didn't pass his vision test. Why didn't I see this earlier? And Yahoo #1 is falling behind in math and didn't pass art. And Yahoo #2 just isn't getting his letters and sounds in kindergarten. So obviously, I'm not working them enough.

See? There's always something I'm failing at.

rabidrunner said...

Knew the sparkler would get my "get off" comment. Gutter brain. That's what you are. Moan.

rabidrunner said...

"Sparkler", not "sparkler."

Sparks said...

If I didn't catch it Larsie would have. She is worse than I am.

On a more serious note, I sure how you're not beating the crap out of yourself (unless, of course, you're constipated) over your rotten morning. Three years and they don't get it, you say? I have a great mom, am a quick study, and I resisted with every single bit of me--to the point of violence--whenever it rolled around to my turn to mop the kitchen. It wasn't a new chore--I'd been doing it once a month for six years. I just didn't want to do it.

I've never seen you parent and I'm not a nosy, self-righteous bitch of a social worker, but I know one or two things about you. One of them is that you don't suck. You're not a slacker. (Hell, I caught you going my dishes on Sunday.) There's more than a good chance that you're holding yourself to an unecessarily high standard and telling yourself that, honestly, it's a reasonable standard. Please check in on that. I don't make friends with junk--you need to be nicer to yourself.

Ryan said...

to rabid: wait for it. another payday is no doubt waiting to sneak up on you any day now, displacing doubt with delight.

to lars/megan/rabid: "disembarking" has officially been welcomed into the lexicon. thanks for that.

rabidrunner said...

High standards are good, right? I mean, I ain't gonna raise me no Jeffery Dahmers and Brittany Spears. Funny how I lump those two together, right? Funny! Especially since I haven't spawned a girl.

This blogging business is serious in that it's not serious.

Now Ryan, what exactly is meant by this disembark word? Could it be substituted always?

Lars said...

I sense someone in the comment section is sensitive.

And Rabid my dear I am pretty sure according to the CDC that disembarking is not a safe practice, just saying. Ryan will have to find another verbiage to add to the lexicon for his methods.

Ryan said...

yes, Yes, YES! always.

cdc be damned.

Lars said...

That was quite the Climax there Ryan.