Saturday, October 24, 2009

Temple, Hunting or Football Game

Today, Spouse had the honor of owning the morning. See that's what we do around here is take turns owning the morning. I like the mornings. A LOT. I like to run in those mornings. A LOT. Spouse also likes the mornings A LOT. He likes his mornings to ride bicycles, shoot his assorted weaponry and hunt (when the season allows.)

Being as the Yahoos are 8 years and under, we cannot share the same morning. We must take turns. When it's Spouse's morning, I get to run later without my little running gang. That means by myself - without the chit-chat and the jokes and the gossip.

Today was Spouse's morning and he was ever so conflicted. Should I bike? Should I hunt? Should I run about in my knickers? He was ever so conflicted.

Spouse decided to bike with Zimm and Giant Gym. (Identities have been changed, somewhat.)

Before leaving on his adventure with Giant Gym and Zimm, he made an awesome display of saying goodbye. I was still in bed with three pillows over my eyes (helps with the wrinkles, you know.) When one of us leaves in the morning, we normally mumble, "see ya... have fun" without any fanfare.

Things were different today. It was in his voice. Spouse wanted some attention. When he gets that look-at-me-I-want-attention tone of voice, he's usually dropped his trousers some in order to show a bit of crack. Not today. Today was extraordinary.

Spouse had a new cycling outfit.




"I call it 'Cycling Suicide.'" He said.

Zimm offered Spouse a tan jersey. You know, to seal the deal on Spouse's life insurance policy (in the which I am the sole beneficiary.)

See? Conflicted! Poor guy couldn't decide if he wanted to bike or hunt. Now he'll get to bike and be hunted.

Just as Spouse returned from his adventure (alive so sadly I'm not a millionaire), I was polishing off my warm bread with butter and honey (that's what Armstrong eats each morning of the Tour de France, did you know that? His chef told me so on some documentary.) Being as going for a run on a full tank of warm bread, butter and honey doesn't fly so well, I had to wait a half-hour before I went out for my run.

(Now why did I tell you this useless piece of information? It honestly has nothing to do with the story I'm trying to tell. This means my subconscious wants to show something off. Prolly the fact that I know what Armstrong eats? Or the fact that I eat butter, honey and warm bread? Who knows. Either way, it ain't being deleted now because I've consumed an entire afternoon writing it.)

Finally, 'round 11:00am I ventured out.

Here's where the Temple, Hunting or Football Game comes into play. I live in north Utah County - a place where I can cover 6 different cities on a 6 mile run. Today was a beautiful, fall day. Perfect, perhaps. Today was one of those days that helped me remember the joys of running by myself. The air is cool, the mind becomes clear and the tunes are CRANKED! All of these things, set the stage perfectly for playing my favorite running game: The Temple, Hunting or Football Game Game. ("Game" twice was on purpose so don't send me an e-mail.)

Here's how the game goes. Runners run against traffic. This is a safety precaution, so that you can see who is going to hit you before they do hit you. See? Safety. Now, running against traffic makes it easy to look into windshields of oncoming cars and make up Stuff. Stories. Scandals. Scenarios. Fun!

As the car comes towards me, the idea is to figure out if the car is going to:

A) The Temple
B) Hunting
C) A Football Game at the BYU

Sounds difficult, right? Well it isn't! Even you can do it. Let me give you some clues. If the dude in the car is wearing a tie or the girl is wearing something frilly, they're going to or coming from The Temple. If the vehicle is towing a trailer, that's a dead giveaway. A Hunting They Are Goin'! You can also spot the Hunting crowd by the bright orange or 5-day-old beards (even on the chicks.)

Doesn't the above sound so very obvious? It is - but compared to the BYU Football Fan crowd, it's not. First, there's the big Y flag on the antennae. Or the matching "Y" hats and visors. And if they refuse to wear BYU blue (like I would if I were to partake)? Every last idiot in the car would be smiling like a zoobie. Don't know what a zoobie looks like when they're smiling? Just picture "annoyingly happy" and you've got the idea.

The Temple, Hunting or Football Game game was all good and entertaining for about 5 miles. I was nearing the mouth of American Fork canyon when I realized there were two new groups of Saturday-goers to add to the mix. They were:

D) Mountain Bikers (who carry their bicycles on their vehicles and wear smashing shades. Roadies don't carry their bikes on their vehicles, right? Unless they're going to somewhere like Vermont to ride.)

E) Shower Gals (are a carload of girlies in designer clothing heading to a Baby or Bridal shower. And you know they're all ticked because that bitch Marsha scheduled the shower during The Game.)

(Incidentally, I just checked some facts. The BYU game is at San Diego State - so oops for me. HOWEVER, those goofy gomers were getting all geared up to watch the game at a house somewhere, not at The Stadium. Really folks. It's just football. Not religion.)

(OOPs again! I forgot today was already the 24th. Incidentally, the game IS at The Stadium. Everyone say "HOMECOMING!" Still. It's just football. Not religion.)

I'm mad at Spouse now. He didn't invite me to go to The Homecoming at The BYU with him. Isn't that what you do as alumni? Bring yer spouse 20 years later?

He just announced, however, that he's cooking dinner. I'd rather have him cook dinner.


Jessica said...

You made my day with the following words/statements:

1. The BYU
2. zoobies
3. It's just football. Not religion.

Thank you!

Winder said...

You ain't missing nuttin' with The BYU Homecoming...My hubby took me to one after I was graduated and he was in school. It was horrible! I take pride that I attended the school and was NOT a Zoobie.

meg said...

Oh boy. Hoh boy. That helmet is awesome. How'd he make it? Epoxy or something? There is a guy here in Reno who rides a motorcycle and his helmet has GIANT (see, capital letters) steer horns.

And I think you wanted to brag about the warm part of the warm bread. It was warm because you made it. You make bread.

And you just did what you inadvertently do: you made me feel guilty for not running today like I planned. (My "running" is 30 minutes on my treadmill while I watch action movies that raise my adrenaline and make the misery more bearable--30 measly minutes on a treadmill that's just down in the garage extension and I couldn't make my fat ass get up on get on it.)

Lars said...

Your running game sounds like so much fun. Too bad up North it is still dark when I leave for the day and dark when I am leaving for home. Perhaps this summer I will have to play. Brilliant you are Rabid.

I do run in the dark, just can't ogle into windshields. Instead I get to watch planes takeoff and land and look out for bears. Excitement all in it's own.

Gary said...

It is "The Lord's University"

Lars said...

It may be "The Lord's University" but my Dentist once told me, and all of his kiddos went to the Y, that Prophets and Apostles go to the U and weirdos and wackos go to the Y. Not saying everyone there is a weirdo or a wacko because that would be a gross generalization....

Staci said...

Who's that famous author who writes in "stream of consiousness?" My brain is mush but this sorta reminds me of it and that guy is really, really famous. (Bit ironic that I can't remember him.) Anyway, Saturday was the most beautiful running day and if you would have ran with your gang, it would have been dark!!

Your spouse is crazy, crazy to wear that. I feel like I have to wear orange in the hills this time of year. BTW, my spouse has been moaning for weeks that he wants to get to some trails more. Does your spouse have all the company he needs?

Clint said...

We played a similar game a couple weeks ago at Disneyland. Spot the People From Utah. At the first of the week it was difficult. Once you got past the obvious five child family all under 5 years of age, people started blending in more. That was not the case at the end of the week. We would walk into walls of 3 generation families all sporting year old "Qwest for Perfection" BYU shirts. Or the 3 generation walls of BYU hats on the males of the herd, while the females corralled the 20 odd children running in different directions. We gave up the game on Thursday when it became apparent that we were certainly out matched and out dressed. As a side note we saw very few University of Utah advertisers.

(Another game to play on fall Saturdays while at the soccer field is, Spot the BYU Fan. I think our record is ~30. Of course we counted the family of 8 as individuals and not as one entity)

rabidrunner said...

The helmet was made with duct tape. Amazing, right? Duct tape is good for everything.