As mentioned in Part I of Trust Is A Four Letter Word, I had a 24 hour run-in that involves Trust. It was a day of reoccurring themes.
First, it began with my realization that I trust Spouse and it only took me 9 years and as many months! (Don't laugh - I don't claim to be quick at anything.)
This got me thinking about the many people I trust. Which frankly, aside from Spouse, is no one. I trust different people with different things. For example, I trust that Vera will provide me with great music 99% of the time. There's still that 1% risk with her - that she might throw some garbage tunes my way. (But even with that 1% risk, there really isn't any risk in a garbage tune is there?)
I Trust that Megan will take great pictures, that my other Megan will generate a literary masterpiece and that Rookie will produce something good to eat. I Trust that my Dad will tell me a good story, make me laugh and inspire me to do better. I Trust that my sister would drop everything right-this-minute to help me or anyone I ask. I Trust the Yahoos to ensure wacky and frustration all at the same time. I Trust the Winder will be my friend forever.
I Trust lots, but not completely.
Another example? The running gang. I trust that they will run what I want to run, if it works into their convenience and/or schedules. Some might alter their schedules for me, others might not. It all depends.
I look sideways while making decisions. Whenever I say "yes" to anything, I calculate the risks involved. Risks that include time, money, and the ability to exit easily. I've always got me a trap door somewhere. I will not hand myself over to anyone - for complete control - ever.
The second time this theme of Trust came up was when I paid visit to my doctor.
Every-so-often, actually less often these days, I have a back episode. Some call them spasms, but I like to call them episodes. During these episodes, the lower back attached to my body goes on strike. Refuses to straighten or bend without yelling at me. Basically stops me in my tracks. I've tried lots of things. And what works best is a little muscle relaxant called Skelaxin. Great stuffs. Loosens the goose without making me stupid(er).
As luck would have it, my subscription to Skelaxin has run out. I have no more. I hadn't had an episode in almost a whole year, so prior to this episode, I thought maybe I didn't need it anymore. Didn't renew my subscription.
Sunday morning brought me a back episode. Monday morning I called the doc - Trusting that it might be as many as three days before I could get an appointment. "Can you be in here in 45 minutes?" they said. "Why yes!" I screamed.
And so I drove over and hobbled up to the office. The check-in lady announced that my paperwork needed to be updated. I said okay and began the arduous task of writing the same eight pieces of information over and over.
There were two items on this paper that I refused to fill in. They were: Patient SSN and Spouse SSN. I printed a giant NA in the space next to those items. It's Trust people... I don't Trust my precious SSN or Spouse's SSN with anyone.
The nice lady then produced a lecture on the importance of having the SSNs. I asked "Why?" She said, "Because we use it for billing." I said, "The insurance company no longer uses our SSN. I'm sure of it. You have a number for him on the insurance card." She said, "I know, but we need it for billing." Again, I said, "Why?"
The battle of the SSNs went back 'n forth until I sprung a light bulb. "Spouse comes here. Do you have it on file for him? If he gave you the okay to get his SSN then you can get it from there."
I knew they didn't have Spouse's SSN because he goes to the mattresses with a Mini 14 over giving out his SSN. But I knew it would buy me time. Just get me into the doc so he can get me the wonder-drug for standing up straight already!
As the SSN jabbery was going back and forth, the nurse called me in. I hobbled into the back room and she asked me to get on the scale. I got on the scale backwards - because I don't Trust myself with that number. It's just a number, I know. But no matter what shows up, it always makes me feel bad. It's my "skinny" time of year. I feel skinny because all my skinny clothes fit. You tell me I weigh XXX and I'm not going to feel skinny any more. It's that simple.
(I don't Trust scales. That's why we don't have one in the house.)
Then I hobbled into the doc's office and opened my book. Strangely enough, I didn't make it through even a paragraph before the doc walked in. There goes that Trust thing again! I Trust that I will wait in your office for at least 30 minutes. I Trust that the extra waiting time will grant me a much needed reading break. I can't even Trust that I'll wait in the doc's office anymore!
Doc asked, "What are you reading?" I showed him. He asked what it was about. I told him. Then he said, "I'm reading this great book. It's by Stephen Covey's son." I said, "Oh yeah. What's it called?"
"The Speed Of Trust," the doc said.
"You don't say....."