These things, these Egg Beaters, are snares, made to lock you into position, so as the enemy can take you out. These things, these Egg Beaters, are bits of metal, designed by fancy-pants engineers and marketed by cycling powerhouses. Marketing powerhouses that persuade little people like me with the Promise of Awesome Mountain Biking. Mountain Biking available only to those who have these things, these Egg Beaters.
Might as well be Rabid Beaters.