Sunday, August 23, 2009

Tell Me Why... I Don't Like Christmas

To the tune of The Boomtown Rat's I Don't Like Mondays
(Oh how I heart Bob Geldof!*)

Tell me why... I don't like Christmas,

Tell me why... I don't like Christmas,
Tell me why... I don't like Christmas.... [more stuff... then...]
I wanna shoot the whole day down.

Before you bark at me for sacrilege, let me explain.

I've got this new thing. This thing I got, is listening to the mePod... by song title... alphabetically. It's so new! It's so fun!

Today I was enjoying the songs that begin with "W". Specifically it was "Wind" and "Wind". Here's where the English language surprises you with rampant hoodwinkery. You thought I typed "Wind" twice. Right? Oh how you were wrong! I typed "Wind" (for Wind Cries Mary) and "Wind" (for Wind It Up). Here's also where I explain how fun the English language is by showing you one of the many words in our fun language with multiple options. Same spelling... different meaning! Fun!

I digress. Where was I? Oh yeah, Tell Me Why I Don't Like Christmas.

After the many variations of "Wind" and "Wind", the mePod eventually made it to The Eurythmics' version of Winter Wonderland. And you know my first response? It wasn't I like this song. It wasn't I like winter or Can't wait to ski! It wasn't even I like the Eurythmics. It was: Ah hell. It's just around the corner.

That IT, that's just around the corner? That IT...? Is Christmas.

Now Why Don't I Like Christmas?

It's because on that day, the 25th of December, the world requires and expects that I be more Christian. It's unChristian of me not to show that I'm more Christian on that day.

Truthfully folks, I would hope that I'm the same Christian today as I am on December the 25th. If my daily etiquette (or lack thereof) requires I change my tune for the Month of December, I believe it's time I rethink my priorities.

So how exactly do I show that I'm more Christian on that day?

By putting up expensive decorations and spending extra cash on electricity. By handing out $5 gifts to obligatory neighbors and relatives. By eating more food that I want. By giving people more food than they want. By spending A LOT of money. By attending this event and that party. By exposing myself to the rudeness of Christmas shopping. By taking the kiddies to see Santa and ensuring Santa shows up on the Celebratory Eve of The Savior's Birth. By giving to charity (when I could be giving to charity all year).

Do I give Santa the year off? And tell the Yahoos he'll make it to everyone's house but ours? Because Santa loves the neighbor kids more? Hardly.

It's a cultural head-lock, I tell you. Even amongst us Mormons... Especially amongst us Mormons.

*Ironically, Bob Geldof is the mastermind behind one of the best selling Christmas songs of all time... Do They Know It's Christmas.

I sincerely enjoy the Christmas Morning Extravaganza. Sincerely. But it's the expectation of it all that drives me bananas. I'm not a big fan of expectations.
EX-pecially culturally induced expectations.


meg said...

My jaw just dropped onto my keyboard and I had to clean off the spit. I should make a list of all the many things we have in common and read them on my Rameumptom.

I have written a post very, very much like this one that has yet to publish. Mine just includes Easter--what, all of the sudden I'm supposed to make a big deal of the Savior's coming from the grave? Shouldn't I have been doing that all along and am I not a massive hypocrite for all of the sudden giving a damn? (It's not everyone that can reference spiritual matters and swear in the same sentence, you know.)

Lisa said...

Well said my friend, well said. I feel the same about easter too. Been trying to find a way to change it for years without culturally warping my kids.

megan said...

thanks for the laugh this morning :)
I was trying to avoid depressing thoughts and winter is one of them. However...santa only brings one microscopic gift to our and dad bring one GOOD gift and that's it...that's our Christmas...they know no different. In addition to your phone number...I'm going to need your address - so I can send you a CHRISTMAS CARD!!! :) :) :)

Lars said...

This is one of the perks of being a spinster. I completely agree on the expectations bit. My brother and I are currently rebelling in our family on celebrating holidays, except Halloween, because it has turned into what are you getting me instead of what the season is truly about. I didn't celebrate Thanksgiving or Christmas last year and I must say it was probably the most relaxing holiday season I have had yet.

I figured I had to out my blog stalking since you honored me with your clever comments on my blog.

Staci said...

Well, I am going against the norm and saying that, "I like Christmas." I do think there are a lot of strange, hypocritical things about it but if it brings some goodness into the world that wouldn't have been there, it makes me happy.

Call me naive; call me consumerist; call me a lemming; call me whatever you please; I can take it. But I stand by my opinion.

Staci said...

PS I'm curious: why Christmas in August?