Saturday, August 01, 2009

Define Clunker

Evidently, the bright-eyed powers that be have engineered a genius plan for boosting our economy and saving us from the evils of gas hogging. It's called the Cash for Clunker. It's also called the CAR Allowance Rebate System (CARS).

(So I seriously think that this administration should fire the 10 guys who come up with all of these so-called cleverly coined appellations. They are so dippy. Maybe they could hire me 'cause I'm good at that stuff. 'Specially if it involves an alliteration.)

Anyway. As you have all heard, the government has stimulated us once again with a program called the Cash fer Clunkers - wherein you get $4500 dollars to destroy your perfectly good 'n running car if you buy a new one. This program is available for both new American and new Foreign vehicles.

You've also heard that they ran out of the allocated funds within the first week.

Duh. (Why are they so surprised?!)

You hand out $4500 of FREE money and you expect people to take the high road? Yes, people in droves will sit back in their recliners and choose NOT to take the deal because they couldn't take money that so many others need.

(Me for example. I'm one of them people who wouldn't take advantage of free money because I recognize whole-heatedly that all proceeds from government handouts will come from my parents... or my employer... or my friends... or Yahoo #1's sweet first grade teacher... or my neighbors... or even my enemies.)

To qualify for this program, you must hand over your clunker. Let's define clunker, shall we? Your clunker:
  • Must have been manufactured after 1983
  • Must have a "new" combined city/highway fuel economy of 18 miles per gallon or less
  • Must be in drivable condition and
  • Must have been continuously insured and registered to the same owner for the full year preceding the trade-in
(Complete list of criteria can be found at

After you have cashed in on your so-called smokin' $4500 deal, the dealership gets to smoke your so-called clunker, as is demonstrated so nicely here:

If you don't feel up to viewing all 4 minutes and 28 seconds, let me give you the cliff notes version: Dealership drains oil from car and runs it 'til it dies. Which results in:
  • 2 tons of garbage (give or take a few)
  • Overly, overly packed junk yards
  • Engine parts that cannot be used (by say, oh... I don't know, another Volvo perhaps)
  • A few gallons of wasted fuel
  • A few pints of wasted oil
  • Redneck entertainment

Recycling's finest hour. What a waste.



meg said...

This is too idiotic to be true. You made up this total and complete nonsense for our entertainment.

Let's buy an island and start our own country. Nothing will be free. People will make fair money for the services they render with skill. Citizens will be responsible, caring members if the community. They will work hard at work with doing. Art will thrive. No taxes will be levied. And then I'll turn into a pumpkin.

Staci said...

I am very disturbed. And it takes a lot to disturb me. What a waste indeed.

rookie cookie said...

Two things:

Thanks for the clif notes. So considerate.

I am good at alliteration too. My husband's new catering business alliteration: flavor, freshness and flawless presentation. I know, brilliant. And I didn't even charge him. I am so generous.

The MacMizzles said...

Ridiculous. truly.