This is is what happened:
Do you see this picture? Specifically, do you see what's wrong with this picture? What it's missing? It's me. The boys, all riding two-wheelers of various sizes and classifications, saddled themselves and rode around town.
I am so left out. I am having high school flashbacks. The flashback where all my cute friends of the female gender have boyfriends and I don't. Yeah that flashback. (Incidentally, don't ask me to re-live high school ever. This includes attending the reunion.)
In lieu of becoming the cycling cheer leader for the family (for the Lord knows I'm no cheer leader), I pouted. I made sad faces. I stomped feet. "I'm gonna buy me a bike." I said. "Today." After which I climbed in the car and met them at the cycling shop.
This, dear friends and readers, is where you proclaim loudly and with vehemence of principle, "RABID! You're in the middle of the Consumer Cleanse. You can't buy a bike."
It's true, I'm 8.5 months into the Consumer Cleanse. I've sworn off consuming. Even though you don't actually consume a bike (as in chew, swallow, digest, strip nutrients from and expel), you cannot purchase a bike without becoming a consumer.
As it were, I stood there in the bicycle shop, not caring a bit about whether or not I happened to be in the middle of some goofy cleanse. Who cares! My baby can ride a bike.
I need to be there for him.
I was hell-bent on making that purchase on Saturday and left Hillene a message. She phoned me back after biking to 11,000 some-odd feet. She was looking down at Mineral Basin and performing power-squats with friends. Hillene had questions. "Mountain or Road? How much you wanna spend? Get the Super Fly."
This is the Gary Fisher Super Fly (29er hard tail). Comes equipped with a price tag of $4399.99. Completely out of the question. And not only for the cost. The rabidrunner body, mind and guts are not worthy of a machine of such magnificence.
I told her the choice was Mountain (for Spouse Mountains his bike) and that I had an $8,000 budget. She screamed. (I don't really have $8,000 - had to let her down easy on that one). She then rattled off a series of biker mumbo-jumbo. "Get a 26 full or 29 hard tail. You get a 26 without the full and it'll beat you up." I said okay and hung-up realizing that a visit to wiki would be in order - so as to become acquainted with the biker nomenclature.
Back at the cycle shop, where the Yahoos were pedaling toddler-bikes in circles, we discovered there were many choices. Full suspension? Front suspension with hard tail? Wheel size of 26" or 29"? Disc or mechanical brakes? If you choose disc brakes, hydraulic or cable actuated? Derailer types - front and rear? Gear sets - front and rear? Sram or Shimano? Shifting levers? Handlebar type? Headset type? Seat? Color? Flat pedals, toe baskets or clip in? If you chose clip in - SPD, Look, Egg Beaters? What type of Cleats?
Can't I just get a damned bike!?
This is why I run. You buys shoes. There are three choices: Neutral? Motion Control? Stability? You run around the parking lot in 7 to 12 pairs of shoes, decide which you like and purchase. $100 max.
Incidentally, I've decided upon the Gary Fisher Cobia in Sassy Silver.
Spouse says it's not a good idea because of the cable actuated disc brakes (instead of hydraulic). So for a few hundred more, I'll take the Rig in Refreshing Root Beer.
Or for even a few hundred more, I'll settle for the X-Caliber in Ridiculously Rowdy Red.