Tomorrow, June the 19th, is the start of the Wasatch Back Relay - a pointless 187.9 mile Utah footrace from Logan to Park City. This particular route is not a direct one - for that would be too easy. A direct route from Logan to Park City would be somewhere around 45 miles (give or take a hundred). Since this is a race to prove awesomeness, we will run the long (albeit scenic) way. Twelve of us will run 187.9 miles in 24 hours and some change.
The pioneers would think we're stupid.
Two vans, each equipped with 6 persons, will leapfrog through the race. It will be treacherous. It will be steep and up hill. It will steep and down hill. It will be on the beaten-to-death path. There will be mayhem. There will be no sleep. There will be sweat. There will be laughter. There will still be no sleep. But there will be oodles of salted potatoes, shot bloks, pretzels, spinach, roast beef, gatorade and water.
The pioneers would be so jealous.
(But they'd still wonder why the hell we do it when we don't have to.)
If the pioneers were around, I'd tell them that running is my crack. I'd emphatically explain how running affects my mental health, how it beats me up so as I can deal with the day, how it makes me feel alive, how it provides an avenue for socializing and how it allows me to consume upwards of 3200 calories and still fit into my jeans. "All of these things," I'd say, "make it as addictive as that laudanum that you pretend you're not taking."
Crack is the laudanum of today.
I wonder, friends, if the term lawdy lawdy law was taken from those taking laudanum of old. Is it possible that perhaps, they sip the laudanum then feel lawdy? And say lawdy lawdy law? They should have spelled it laudy.
Anyway. Our team, known as the Crack-o-Dawners, will run again. The dawn is our crack and we wake at dawn and sometimes our shorts don't fit right so we show some crack and that is why we are the Crack-o-Dawners.
We need cheerleaders dressed as pioneers, don't we?
The Crack-o-Dawners will not run the relay faster than last year (the course is 7.9 miles longer - as if 180 miles wasn't hard enough, they had to make it 187.9). It will take us longer. But we will prevail! With our bonnets! And our sing-songing of Put Your Shoulder To The Wheel!
Here's the Crack-o-Dawner's Logo:
Holy oxen dung.