Wednesday, June 24, 2009

The Wasatch Crack Relay: Post One of Many

Before I attempt a recap of the aforementioned Wasatch Crack Relay, I must first define the current audience. Among professional writers this is something to be researched before writing so as not to bore your readers with the target and/or purpose of the essay.

Being as I am three degrees below amateur, I get to break all the rules. This means I can do my audience research on your time. This also means I can include boring and useless details, fragmented sentence structures, alliterations for the sole sake of alliterating, piss poor punctuation placement and parenthetical whoredom. (Incidentally, what is it with my language lately?)

Back to my audience. (Fragmented sentence, by the way. Even my reference to the fragmented sentence was fragmented.) As of the middle of June 2009, only a handful of my running buddies read this rabidrunner dot com stuff. I suppose they think that I reveal all of my offerings while malleating the mileage. They assume my jabbering jaws have told them all there is to hear (or stomach) after several hours a week in the dead air of the dawn.

They are so very wrong! Some stuff is saved just for you, here in blogland. Even Spouse must read this junk to see the inner tumblings of my thinking machine.

You, audience, are special.

But who exactly are you, dear audience?

The running gallery around here includes a handful of running buddies from the present, a handful of running buddies from the past, a running buddy or two picked up from a race or cyberspace and Tom Lindsey (who is an aficionado of running but a fellow geek from the ghost of software companies past). These three small handfuls (and Tom) might seem like a fairly large amount of runners - enough that one might conclude that the rabidrunner assemblage is mostly runners. Not so.

This, dear audience, is why I must compose a recap of that silly Wasatch Crack Relay in a way that will entertain and delight non-runners. This is a challenge. Constructive criticism is welcome and valued.

Stay tuned. It will be exciting. Like your first chapter book without pictures (only I will include pictures).


If you feel so inclined, leave a comment with a brief description of yourself. This way I can target my stories just for you. Consider it market research.

Also, leave a comment with the correct number of alliterations and I'll send you a prize.


megan said...

mom with newborn...who wont be running for a long time.

Anonymous said...

Cool! Looking forward to the review. I typed a quick one for our team...but not nearly as entertaining as your writings!

Oh, and I was with What the Fox (Southern Cal team), in Van 1, hopelessly watching the crackers disappear further into the distance. What a blast though!!!


Brian Spangenberg

meg said...

Megan. Monikered "Meg" by millions. Mostly I meet runners and realize they're really raging ruffians of the rabid variety, often very voracious regarding their races. For myself, being one who rarely runs, I instead imbibe air during asana because I earn pain in the patella post prance. Thus rather than running, I carefully combine cardio with yoga, wishing to whittle my waist with walking, wanting it to work more magically than it mostly does.

Pathetically alliterative enough for you?

A more reasonable reader description: I am one of your most fervent fans. Knee surgery years ago makes it such that running isn't worth the pain during and after. So I walk, really wishing for knees that don't throb when jogging. However, even though I'm no runner, I am, as I said, a fan of yours and look forward with vigor to your tails of the trails. Not only are you an interesting sort, but you're going to grant me a glimpse into a life I'm unfamiliar with and want to understand. This's gonna be great.

Kelly Mo said...

Hi RabidRunner! I found you through Megan at Knuckleheaders. I am not a runner, but will do it if I am required to. I have two boys, some chickens, a huge dog, and a husband somewhere in Arizona. It is hot as hell down here in Hades.

I enjoy your witty prose and am typically not bored by what you have to say. So, keep up the good work!

Also, while my alliteration wasn't as creative as Meg's, I stlll give myself a pat on the back for at least participating. :)

Anonymous said...

a wannabe runner who is not so sure i even want to be a wannabe runner at that. maybe you could convince me that it's worth it. it seems so..... sick and wrong to depend on something so..... sick and wrong? can't wait to read about your adventure. it better be good.

tom lindsey said...

An example of my sweet stride can be seen at ~2:50 in this video

rabidrunner said...

Welcome Brian! I went looking for some What The Fox! info the other day... wondering if you were going to youtube all of that clever video footage you were taking. Glad to know we'll be in touch.

Welcome Kelly Mo! Love the hotter than hell down in Hades alliteration.

Welcome anonymous! Love the mystery.

And Tom! How long did it take you to find that clip? I declare that an exaggeration.

rabidrunner said...

Megan - prepare yourself for not one, but several childbirth analogies.

Moniker Meg - You always make blush. Can't get enough of your verbage and nounage and adverbage and adjectivage.

Jan said...

Hey RabidRunner, Can't wait to read your WCR reviews. I ran across your blog recently and have been highly entertained.

As far as marketing research? I've been a runner for years. I'm currently working on marathon 24 or 25. Need to count. Falling to peer pressure I caved on signing up for the Grand Slam this year, then off to Disney World for the Goofy in January. Yikes.

Anonymous said...

Hey rabidrunner! Yeah that camera we had was pretty awesome. The guy who owns it is spending a lot of time in the U.K. now rather than L.A. but he promises to put together some good stuff. I'm sure there'll be parts of us cursing the crack-o-dawners! One of our other runners is going to put together a slide show, with some photos she took and the song, "Fox on the Run" (1RKO version) playing in the background, which of course is very fitting. I posted a few photos on myspace (which no one will care about) and facebook, if you waste any time on those sites.

Anyway, this whole cracks vs. foxes thing initiated at the start, when some girl said to me, "'re What the Fox...and you're going DOWN...AGAIN!" A few other jabs...including one to me on my second leg...same girl..."how ya feeling?" Me..."pretty good!" Her..."hopefully not too good". She seemed kinda pissed all the time, so my main goal was to make this person a least "crack" a smile, which finally happened towards the end of our (van 1) race. Funny, I don't even think she ran...just drove. Really though it was so much fun...just wish we could've kept up a bit more with ya! Maybe next year...but you have some really strong runners...two chicks in your Van 1 were just awesome.

Okay...lunch time here. Have a great Thursday & chat later!


tom lindsey said...


My team was passed in the Heber / Charleston area by a blue van or suv with a fox tail decal on the back. Was that your team's second car?

Anonymous said...

Like your blogspot Tom! And very funny video link you posted here on rr's site. Always liked the Carol Burnett show...I even get hooked into watching the damn infommercial that airs from time to time.

As for the fox tails, it sounds like the one you saw wasn't one of the tails on our vans, as they're about 4 feet long...but was one of the couple hundred small fox tails with magnets attached that were used for tagging vehicles during the exchanges.

Now I remember I got rr's van (or suv?) at one point. Our van went to the wrong exchange area, hoping to get some sleep...but it was full of manure and really a noisy place so sleep was pretty much out the window. So then lo and behold I see the crackerhead's vehicle #2 pull up by the porta potties so on my way to the bathroom..I tagged them only later to find the fox tail laying behind their van partially buried in the manure field...ha ha!

Wow I am really rambling...gotta go...take care!


Anonymous said...

Do you have a blogspot? What is it? I bet it's great. Rabidrunner - When does the posting begin? You're killing me with curiousity!! Hurry. I can't wait for the WBR diaries!