Monday, June 15, 2009

Bennett's Gonna Jet!

June 15, 2009

Bennett's Gonna Jet. And he doesn't know it yet!
(Cha-ching! Special points for the rhyme!)

Politics are a-buzzing about our house these days. Spouse is an elected delegate for an unnamed political party. Why is it unnamed? Because it's not the Pervertarian party. The Pervertarian Party is my party, therefore all other political parties are unnamed or made fun of. Today, out of respect for my beloved Petulant Ninny, it will be unnamed.

On Saturday, Spouse attended the annual state convention to cast his votes. On an on-election year (you can tell if it's an on-election year instead of an off-election year if the year is even), voting at the convention is a big deal. Spouse's primary role as a delegate is to bring about a primary. Being as 2009 is an odd year, it's an off-election year and not much is happening. Except. Except. Except! Bennett.

(Did you notice how that rhymed nicely? More bonus points for the rhyme!)

Spouse takes his delegateship very seriously. Each year, Spouse must petition and present a speech to the peers of the hood in order to keep his precious delegateship. Each year, Spouse stands up to present his ideals. Each year, Spouse communicates his support of private education, limited taxation, lots of cleavage (oops, that's my party), limited government, control of government spending, yadi yadi yada. Each year, he's been elected. Which is a bit of a surprise when he boasts of his support for private education to a 33.3% population of the public education-employed. Prolly because none of those other shmucks want to waste an entire Saturday in June adhering to Robert's Rules of Order.

It's no secret that Spouse doesn't like Senator Robert F. Bennett. Their love affair ended when Bennett fer Senate announced he'd run a second term. Why is this a big deal? Because during Bennett's inaugural campaign, he resolutely declared that he'd only stay in office one term. That would be 6 total years of public service. Bennett is currently working on year 18.

If you want to be friends with Spouse (which I'm sure Bennett is worried about), don't... I mean DO NOT, make a promise to him you will not, cannot, refuse not to keep. If your promise to Spouse becomes a failure, he will write you a nasty letter each week of your entire existence as senator - a letter reminding you of your one-term promise in firm and flowery vocabulary (Spouse is good at vocabulary).

Scary, isn't it? Gives me the shivers. I've had one of those letters.

What's scarier, however, is that the office of Bobert EF Bennett fer Senate has not responded to Spouse on this particular issue. Not a-once. It appears his staffers are cowering shamefully in their cubicles with a tail or two betwixt the legs over this one. Or maybe they open one of Spouse's letters and holler "Hey look! It's another one of those letter's from rabidrunner's Spouse. Go add it to the pile." (Megan wrote a 5-part story about meeting me on her blog, so I'm famous now. Naturally, the political people know about me now too...)

It's too bad I don't have copies of those letters. Would make nice wallpaper.

Anyway, Bennett in his previous 3 terms, has been re-elected without much hassle - without even a mention of a primary. And you all know what happens in Utah. If you're a senator with representation from that unnamed political party, you usually win. It's a brainless process. Lemmings I tell you.

Do you see, friends, why it's so important to have a primary? Do you see why Spouse runs his little toosh off to become a delegate - all in the hopes of bringing political justice through the means of a primary?

I see the light bulb now! It's a good look for you.

At Saturday's convention, Spouse could feel the buzz. Next year, in Bennett's on-election year of 2010, Bennett will have NOT ONE but THREE opponents in his senatorial ring: Shurtleff, Bridgewater, and Eager.

Bring on the Primary, Bennett's gonna jet!

(As a bonus... if Shurtleff wins, we can get Greg Skordas to fill the Attorney General seat. There's a special place in my heart for Skordas.)


Becca said...

Your rhyming impressed me today--almost as much as the 5 part story! And I can say I knew you way back when....

Winder said...

I am so happy for Spouse. But, I was wondering what will he do if he doesn't have Bennett to write to. Who might be next...we must all be on our toes!

Buddy the Elf said...

Okay, this has nothing to do with Bennett, but I'm just noticing your amazing new blog layout. Buddy likes.

The MacMizzles said...

Suddenly, I am filled with gratitude. For spouse and his willingness to stand up for us, and that I have never gotten a letter.