Friday, March 06, 2009

Gag Me With a Spoon

March 6, 2009

Vinyl lettering. I find it so goofy. Sometimes the revealings of such letters, when formed into complete sentences, can be awfully revealing. And I do mean awfully.

This is the funny thing about Utah County. It's trendy. Not in a hip and edgy we're so stylish kind of trendy, but a gee look at me I'm so wholesome and good and righteous kind of trendy. When one lovely June Cleaver wannabe house wife starts something, it's a good bet that the rest of the cookie-cutter June Cleavers will follow.

Vinyl lettering. I still find it so goofy.

Visit any house. I'll bet some catchy feel good phrase will cling desperately to the textured confines. You know, encouraging words like:

Today is the First Day of the Rest of your Life, or This Home is Filled With Dreams And Love and Blessings From Above, or The Sky's The Limit When Your Heart Is In It or Life's Uncertain...Eat Dessert First or This Kitchen is Seasoned with Love or Enter as Guests... Leave as Friends or Return With Honor.

Okay. So don't get me wrong, I enjoy a good inspirational quote. I enjoy words of perspiration... er... I mean, aspiration. However... seeing the same postulate above your finely crafted hallway arch every day might just become part of the woodwork, so to speak.

This is similar to that word amazing (which I'm gleefully impressed that I won't hear the end of). Amazing is a fine word - it should be used sparingly. Not when you're brushing your teeth or doing laundry or running around in your bloomers. Vinyl lettering is the same.

If you have such sticky sayings posted strategically on the sheet rocked surfaces of your shanty, rest assured that I'm not being critical. I'm just disagreeing. We know how much I love to disagree. (I do however, love it more when we Agree To Disagree.)

Of all the possible sayings, there is one that gets my goat many shades of ill-tempered. The sight or sound of this particular axiom causes the skin to writhe, the eyes to roll back and the head to spin. One would best call an exorcist before I barf green.

What is this saying? Now that I've so vehemently declared my distaste for it?

All This Because Two People Fell In Love.

In ain't love people. It's trust and hope and charity. It's commitment and tolerance and service. It's enduring to the end.

Sure love is a good start - a great start, in fact. But Love alone will not Cause All This. Which exposes a great point. What exactly is THIS? Is this the finely furnished living room, complete with flat screen LCD and Blue-Ray quality surround? Does this happen to be the paintings on the wall or the finely manicured landscaping? Is this your radiant cleanliness and organization?

What is this?

I've decided to start the vinyl craze in my house and will have a theme to carry from room to room. No patchwork vinyl here folks.

The theme I've decided upon? Led Zeppelin. Because we all know that nothing represents the righteous or holy better than Getting The Led Out.

On the front door? Houses of the Holy. The bathroom? How Many More Times. Above the door to the garage? On we sweep with threshing oar. The Yahoo's bedrooms? Your Time Is Gonna Come.

We'll put The Battle Of Evermore above the piano and Hots On For Nowhere in the kitchen. The running shoe basket will need two: Over The Hills And Far Away and Wearing And Tearing.

The bedroom's a tough one - in which several apply. Should it be Bring It On Home, Communication Breakdown or Hey hey mama, love the way you move. Gonna make you sweat, gonna make you groove?

And for my face (so as Spouse can see it first when he wakes)?
If the sun refused to shine, I would still be loving you.


meg said...

Well here I go: believe or not there are a few vinyl letters on the walls of Casa Romo.

Next to where the TV used to be ("used to be" 'cause we just moved it out to the garage), I have "Death twitches my ear; live, he says, I am coming. -Virgil" It's a reminder to stop watching the tube and go do something, for death'll getcha.

I have a hot and steamy thing for words, so I'm happy if I can plaster 'em on my wall tasefully (and how cool is it that my wall says "death?"), but I'd like to avoid trite, if possible.

I cannot abide the stupid Mormon cliches people post on their walls. You listed 'em. I'm not sure if you have Always Kiss Me Goodnight, but that one pisses me off as well. I think those phrases people plaster all over the place are an excuse for legitimate thought and consideration. Sure, duh, everyone knows you want your kid to Return with Honor, but I promise you that your kid stopped seeing that sign a long time ago, and now it just appears you have that on your wall as a self-righteous illustration of your commitment. (Like the 45 pictures of the Salt Lake temple didn't do it for your visitors.)

Oh, and my mom has some sweet vinyl lettering on her walls. She chose a font that looks like someone wrote on the wall with a Sharpie--juvenile graffiti--and has posted "What you think of me is none of my business." at the bottom of the stairs.

Go ahead, people, put the letters on the wall. Do it. But don't you dare slap up cliches or poorly-thought-out phrases. And don't use Comic Sans, Hobo, Signature, or Freebooter font. Just don't.

meg said...

How great it is that I wrote a full-on post in your comments section?

Oughta be embarrassed.


Ellvie said...

I noticed this morning whilst walking Annie around the block that the crack house/meth lab on the corner has "Animal House" in vinyl lettering across their front window. The craze is definitely catching.

The MacMizzles said...

Awww...zepplin, it's my favorite band aright now. I should be folding laundry but feel so enticed by this entry.

My bathroom has a mirror strategically placed right in front of the thrown. Perhaps I should get some vinyl lettering in very small print (so that people have to lean forward to read it.):

"yep, your poop stinks too."

Someone, so wise and thoughtful gave me a bracelet for my birthday this year that said: "dream, believe, achieve." It was definitely a turning point in my life. I lost the ability to do any of those things in a hurricane of negativity.

That was a really great gift Rabid. Thanks.

The MacMizzles said...

PS. My biggest pet peeve is when someone says:

"I have the most amazing_______in the whole world."

I want to challenge them on that, and ask just how many husbands/best friends/cheeseburgers/etc they have actually had. For some reason that bugs me. How am I supposed to feel about my husband knowing that the position for best husband in the WORLD has been taken? Humility also belongs to the relationships with your children, friends and spouse. If THEY ARE all the best in the WHOLE WORLD, and you tell everyone about it constantly are you humble?

There I said it, maybe I will finally break through my last plateau. :)

Sorry, I am calling a therapist now.

Mandee said...

I don't have any vinyl lettering in my house... but I do use the word amazing. Sorry. I'm trying.