Monday, January 12, 2009

A Probe into the Globes

January 12, 2008

We didn't watch The Golden Globes. Spouse and I figured our precious evening could be better spent with Season One, Disc 3 of Arrested Development while the Yahoos played a lego something-or-other on the PS2.

It's important, however, to watch a morning news program the morning after a fancy award show. You know... to get the recap of who wore what with who and how much. It's also fun to see who happened to fall on their face - fashionably speaking.

As far as award show summations go, this one was a snoozer... Other than Cameron Diaz should have followed the Justin Timberlake "Pale is the New Tan" fad and worn sunscreen. Like 12 years ago.

... Other than women leaned towards asymmetry with one-shouldered frocks. And fake eyelashes on the right eye. Kidding! But that would be waaaay asymmetrical. Looking out those extra lashes on one eye would most definitely color the world in lopsided disproportion.

... Other than Renee Zellweger pretending to be above and beyond the crowd in her black organza mess of a dress. So uppity these days

... Other than Mickey Rourke is back and he ain't a sex symbol anymore. Not that I ever thought he was, but the peanut gallery thought so.

... Other than Jennifer Lopez and her can't-move-or-I'll-expose-it-all garb. One needn't worry, however, about seeing her unmentionables. The tautness of said garb would prohibit any movement at all. Prolly had to bring her in with a crane.

... Other than we'll hypothesize for decades over what Heath's outfit and acceptance speech would entail. I have a theory about that one. It isn't respectful to the deceased so I'll refrain.

Watch me grow some morality, will ya! (All it takes is some love and some sunshine and a little H2o and maybe some Ween!)

I watched The Today Show this morning. You know... the one with Meredith and Matt and Al. There are a few things worth remembering and criticizing:
  1. Several times, the fashions were referred to as being subdued and simple - in respect of the economic crisis. Folks... there's no restraint in a $5000 gown! I don't care how plain it looks. Where is Sharon Stone and her Gap turtleneck?
  2. Get rid of that word poignant. The trio used it multiple times too many. It's just entertainment for crying out loud.
  3. When exactly does a movie become a film? Not one of those sideline commentators referred to the current movie as just that... a movie. They called it a film. As in There were many great films this year. Or It's amazing (we know how much I love that one) how many poignant films there were this year.

It occurred to me that I have never called a movie a film. Is there a certain 7 figure income required in order to gain rights to calling a movie a film? This got my blood pressure and pulse and heart-rate going - I began to speculate with child-like wonder over the many words one might use when making a movie-ish declaration . Are you ready?

How about cinema, motion picture, screenplay, silver screen (why not gold screen?), or show.

My personal favorite? Flick. But that sounds more like something you do with boogers. Unless of course you watch someone flick boogers in a movie. Then it would be a flick about flicking.

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