Thursday, September 25, 2008

My Own Athletic Supporter

September 25, 2008

I have a marathon in 8 days. It will be the St. George. It will be my 6th St. George and my 11th total. Very exciting stuff.

Spouse, bless his heart, has been as supportive as a Double D jog bra. As supportive as the nearest buddy in a 12 step program. As supportive as the PTA president. As supportive as a J-Strap (can't bring myself to say jock). Spouse has been inconceivably supportive.

Sunday night, Spouse announces, "Okay young lady. I'm setting my watch for 9:00pm. You will be in bed at 9:00pm from now until the race." See Spouse has run a marathon (a dizzyingly fast 2:47) and mastered a few 100 mile weeks - he understands the value of sleep.

So every night since Sunday, I've been in bed at 9:00.

Wednesday, September 24, 2008

Countdown to Dufus

September 24, 2008

NORMALLY, when rattled from the lips and or keyboard of the rabidrunner, "Dufus" is an endearing term. (Maybe an entertaining term is more accurate. As I only make fun of people I endear.) In any event, I officially designate the next 40 days as : Countdown to Dufus.

"What happens in 40 days?" I hear you ask in bright-eyed bewilderment....

Why, let me tell you!

We will elect a Dufus. You and me. Everybody. We'll see if he turns out to be endearing.

And as an aside, if I hear either of them proclaim politicians as "public servants", I'll swear at them or fart in their general direction. They are NOT public servants. They are paid money (some more than others) and given endless perks to do work. Technically, that is an EMPLOYEE not a SERVANT or someone who performs SERVICE.

Consequently, "servant" has been used so much the dictionary people have added "government employee" to it's definition. There's a dictionary lobby out there - I'm sure of it! Does anyone know how to get a hold of them? I'd like to lobby for the addition of "Dufus".

Tuesday, September 23, 2008

I Got My Pilot's License!

September 23, 2008

Check out my plane!

Monday, September 22, 2008

Go Yearbook Yourself!

September 22, 2008

Have you Yearbooked Yourself?
You prolly should.

Sunday, September 21, 2008


September 21, 2008

It happened during the family's annual shrimp boil.

While chowing on spicy taters and corn, crusty bread oozing with butter, and the giantest shrimp I've yet to see... my Big Brother (the one who shot me with the bb-gun) announced, "Squash (Big Brother's 2nd born) was climbing in Zions yesterday. Got in a fight with a bat and the bat won. He was sent to the ER for Rabies Treatment."

"Squash has Rabies!?" I said.

I am so jealous.

Friday, September 19, 2008

SchoolHouse Rock

September 19, 2008

Today's Friday Flashback is brought to you by Saturday Morning Cartoons, Adjectives, Bills, and Interjections. Today's Friday Flashback is also brought to you by that Hero Zero, Lolly's Adverbs and a Conjunction or two.

As your body grows bigger,

You mind grows flowered

It's great to learn

'Cause knowledge is Power!

The Schoolhouse Rock story begins with David McCall. McCall was an advertising executive with sons struggling in school. Specifically, they had trouble remembering their multiplication tables. However, Papa McCall discovered that they had no problem remembering the words to popular rock songs. McCall decided to have one of those peanut butter in the chocolate moments and combine the two. He hired Bob Dorough to write the songs and Tom Yohe to animate.

The idea for Schoolhouse Rock was to coerce the Saturday Cartoons People to reduce each episode by 3 minutes and have the folks at General Mills foot the bill. At the time, McCall's advertising agency had ABC and General Mills as clients. Convenient, huh?

Thanks to various sponsors, the Schoolhouse Rock series remained on air from 1973 to 1986. In the 1990s (funny how I have to put the '19' in that) the shows were shown sporadically. In 2001, the whole concept was canned. After a large public outcry (remember the picket lines?!), the Schoolhouse Rockers decided to sell the episodes on DVD. And wouldn't you know... the rabidrunner was first in line to buy her copy.

Hey! That's smart. Ouch! That hurts. Yow! That's not fair. Givin' a guy a shot down there!

The Preamble
And he put those principles down on paper and called it the Constitution!

Rufus Xavier Sarsparilla
He, Him, and His are pronouns!

Figure 8
Figure 8 is double 4, figure 4 is half of 8! If you skate it would be great if you could make a figure 8. That's a circle that turns round upon itself!

The Shot Heard 'Round the World
The British are coming!

A Noun is a Person, Place or Thing

I'm Just a Bill
It's a long, long journey to the capital city.

Lolly Lolly Lolly get your Adverbs Here
Anything you need we can make it absolutely clear!

Unpack Your Adjectives
I unpacked Frustrating first. Reached in and found the word worst!

Wednesday, September 17, 2008

Vermonty Python Episode #2 - The Wedding

September 17, 2008

" We dine well here in Camelot,
we eat ham and jam and Spam a lot."

The Holy Grail

"Your highness, when I said that you are like a stream of bat's piss, I only mean that you shine out like a shaft of gold when all around it is dark.”

The Flying Circus

"Listen, lad. I built this kingdom up from nothing. When I started here, all there was was swamp. Other kings said I was daft to build a castle on a swamp, but I built it all the same, just to show 'em. It sank into the swamp. So, I built a second one. That sank into the swamp. So I built a third one. That burned down, fell over, then sank into the swamp. But the fourth one... stayed up! "

The Holy Grail

-"He must be a king"

-"How do you know?"

-"He hasn't got sh*t all over him!"

The Holy Grail

"Your mother was a hamster and
your father smelt of elderberries!"

The Holy Grail

" Then, shalt thou count to three, no more, no less. Three shalt be the number thou shalt count, and the number of the counting shall be three. Four shalt thou not count, nor either count thou two, excepting that thou then proceed to three. Five is right out. "

The Holy Grail

"My Precious!"

Oops! Wrong movies.

"Cardinal! Poke her with the soft pillows!"

The Flying Circus

"Get thee to a nunnery!"

The Holy Grail

"Of course, it’s a bit of a jump, isn’t it? I mean, er… "

Flying Circus

"We're an anarcho-syndicalist commune. We take it in turns to act as a sort of executive officer for the week. But all the decision of that officer have to be ratified at a special bi-weekly meeting-- By a simple majority in the case of purely internal affairs,-- But by a two-thirds majority in the case of more major-- "

The Holy Grail

"I gave him my baby to kiss and he BIT it!"

The Holy Grail

“My philosophy, like color television,

is all there in black and white”

The Flying Circus

"It's a simple question of weight ratios! A five ounce bird could not carry a one pound coconut. "

The Holy Grail

"So, you think you could out-clever us French folk with your silly knees-bent running about advancing behavior?! "

The Holy Grail

Rain on your wedding day? That's nothing...

"I had to get up in the morning at ten o'clock at night, half an hour before I went to bed, eat a lump of cold poison, work twenty-nine hours a day down mill, and pay mill owner for permission to come to work, and when we got home, our Dad would kill us, and dance about on our graves singing "Hallelujah."

Monty Python at the Hollywood Bowl

Monday, September 15, 2008

Vermonty Python Episode #1

September 15, 2008
Spouse and I went to Vermont.

(By the way, it was just the two of us. "Nudge, nudge, wink, wink. Know what I mean?" Flying Circus (Well... other than the cousin who was to hitch himself to a Vermontian... and the cousin's sisters and all their kids... I guess they're also cousins and kids of cousins... and the mother of the cousins was there... I guess that makes her the aunt... and Spouse's Mom and Dad came too... that would make them the in-laws... we musn't forget the in-laws.... and the 100 or so other people there to witness the hitching... but the Yahoos.... the Yahoos were at home... so other than that it was just the two of us.)

"We are the knights who say 'NI'!"
The Holy Grail

"We are no longer the knights who say 'NI'. We are now the knights who say 'ekki-ekki-ekki-pitang - zoom- boing!'"

The Holy Grail

"Oh Lord please don't burn us don't kill or toast our flock. Don't put us on a barbecue or simmer us in stock. Don't bake or baste or boil us or stir-fry us in a wok."

The Flying Circus

"What... is the air-speed velocity of an unladen swallow? What do you mean? An African or European swallow?"

The Holy Grail

"Strange women lying in ponds distributing swords is no basis for a system of government!"

The Holy Grail

"NOBODY expects the Spanish Inquisition!"
The Flying Circus

" This morning, shortly after 11 o'clock, comedy struck this little house in Dibbley road. Sudden, violent comedy."

The Flying Circus

"Tis but a scratch."

The Holy Grail

"Yes. Shrubberies are my trade. I am a shrubber. My name is Rogerthe Shrubber. I arrange, design, and sell shrubberies."

The Holy Grail

Friday, September 12, 2008

Spinal Tap

Friday September 12, 2008

Today's Friday Flashback is brought to you by a lumbar puncture, cerebrospinal fluid and satirical heavy metal. Because This Is [a] Spinal Tap.

Spinal Tap is a make-believe heavy metal band created for the spectural mockumentary This Is Spinal Tap. David St Hubbins was lead vocalist and played rhythm guitar (in real life he is Michael McKean). Derek Smalls played bass and perfected the lamb chop (Harry Shearer). Nigel Tuftnel (pronounced Nijoh) played lead guitar, sported purple eye shadow and wiggled his spandex dipped bum. (Nigel was the performance of mockumentary mastermind Christopher Guest). The drummer? Well... the drummers kept dying. Seems there was a curse on drummers for this band.

In the film, director Rob Reiner follows Spinal Tap around to produce a documentary of the 1984 heavy metal lifestyle. Technically the film was written by Reiner, but the best moments came from the actors and a free-for-all ad lib. Rumor has it that Reiner took 4 1/2 hours of footage and had to pare it down to just 90 minutes.

Music made for the film is original and surprisingly good. There is depth and guitar solos and catchy choruses. If it weren't for the lyrical lampoonery, you'd think Spinal Tap to be a classic ranked among Cinderella. Or Quiet Riot. Or maybe even Poison.

In the beginning, Spinal Tap performs large arena shows complete with lighting and special effects. They are shown snubbing the food brought in by the venue (because the bread pieces are too small and won't hold the meat) and pulling attitude with the record company. By the end, Spinal Tap is lucky to play a high school prom. This is Spinal Tap is about the demise of the popular.

Very funny stuff. I suggest you give it a try. (In order to prevent disappointment, I will cease to reveal more).

Hits include: Stonehenge - Listen To The Flower People - Gimme Some Money - Big Bottom - The Majesty of Rock

Thursday, September 11, 2008

To Do... To Do... Ta Daaaa!

Here's my get-er-done list for Thursday September 11, 2008.
Huh... that date sounds oddly familiar.

  • Pay Piano Teacher.
  • Bake Spouse Oatmeal Chocolate Chip Cookies with This Recipe. He and his redneck buddies are going to the great beyond of Colorado to attempt a large animal kill. And then he'll bring it home for grillin' as we have a "Kill it, you eat it" rule.
  • Call the Primary President. It's Primary Program time.
  • E-mail Utah County Jail Web Site To Dad. Know your neighbors! Look 'em up here.
  • Acquire a Sitter for Friday Evening. Got a gig playing pie-ano for a baptism. Sadly it's LDS, so it won't provide cash for my service. Not sadly that it's LDS (uber righteous in fact), but sadly it's not Catholic because they pay their musicians. Wow. Someone is worldly today.
  • Practice Songs for Baptism. Include 4-year-old soloist.
  • Watch Sesame Street. It's always good for a giggle. Or eight.
  • Acquire a Sitter for Saturday Morning. Spouse is hunting and 22 miles is on the plan.
  • Recognize Birthdays. Brother-in-law and Nephew have this blessed day to celebrate their births.
  • Finish Alabama Tax Forms. Oh hell. It's that time of year again. Repent for swearing then pray that photos will get me out of the taxes business.
  • Get a Massage. Quads are tight. Pulling the left knee out of whack. A good knee does better when it's in whack. Call Girl-With-Many-Earrings.
  • Call Pam about Photos. Who took the pictures for her web site? And who inserted a shameless plug?
  • Call Rachel about Photos.
  • Arrange Body Worlds Expedition. You should really get tickets to this too. Strongly recommended. And if you have a Yahoo studying anatomy or biology or petroleum, take them.
  • Post Something About Vermont. It's a wedding. No! It's a vacation. No! It's a party. No! It's a family reunion. No! It's a wine and dine fest.
  • Get to Work on That Friday Flashback. Any requests?

Tuesday, September 02, 2008

Dear Mr. Wheelchair,

September 2, 2008

You have been a great friend. You have housed the Rear of Spouse for the better of four months and we'll be forever thankful. We're especially thankful for facilitating the transportation of twice weekly blood tests, doctor visits, physical therapy, and over 50 (well maybe not quite) trips to the swimming pool. We are grateful for the neighborhood strolls, Yahoo pushes, Temple sessions (complete with old guy escort), the extra chair in the living room (whilest Spouse was couchin' it), and the ramp races. We should also thank you graciously for taking Spouse to the desert to shoot things. He really likes that.

We realize you're slow and that Spouse might have broken you with abuse (with all of that trying to be fast, wheelies and dust) but that's what you're for and you can't breathe and you don't have any nerve endings. Plus you were new when we got you.

With our deepest joy, Mr. Wheelchair, we must inform that your services are no longer needed. It is time now for you to continue another abusive journey with a new family.

RabidRunner, Spouse & Yahoos