THE election is in 5 days. In my short time as a registered voter (I have been registered since 18, but it's still short in the scope of all elections... but if you consider the amount of time women have been able to vote, the time isn't so short, relatively speaking...) Anyway, in my short time as a registered voter, I've noticed some trends for presidential years.
- It's always the most important election in the history of ever.
- It's always close.
- There's always two dufuses (four if you count the VPs).
In the interest of my posterity, I'm about to document some hot topics. Remember sweet blogging confidant, that this is all tongue 'n cheek, so to speak. Don't hate me for my opinion. Or my rampant cynicism. Or my ability to poke fun at it all. Seriously folks - I'm not about to grow more gray hair over politics (unlike my beloved Petulant Ninny).
Hot Topic #1 - Eight hundred thousand billion hundred trillion dollars have been "set aside" to bail out irresponsible lending. This whole bank bailout extravaganza is hurting the American People. At least it's hurting the rabidrunner household. I've decided that my bills aren't so urgent. For example, I carelessly tossed the Stewart's Lawn Service bill aside after retrieving it from the mailbox. The government is giving out gazillions to unbury the overextended. They most surely can afford to fertilize my lawn.
Hot Topic #2 - Joe The Plumber. Remind me not to say anything to a politician. Ever. Revealing an opinion does not entitle the public to know my salary or whether I'm current on my child support payments (If I had child support payments...) Joe should sue. Don't both presidential camps have millions at their disposal? It takes a gold mine to land that $250k a year job.
Hot Topic #3 - Franklin Raines should do time. For his incestuous involvement with Fanny Mae (CEO from 1999 to 2004, bookkeeping chef and 190 million in personal profit). Not an election issue I know but I gotta say it. Prolly not incestuous either, but I enjoy using that word.
Hot Topic #4 - How much money did those "conservative" republicans give Sara Palin for clothing? I heard it was $150,000. Yeah right. Conservative.
Hot Topic #5 - Proposition 8 (to marry gay or not marry gay in CA). Here's the one that just might get me in trouble. My religious affiliation says they should not marry gay. But my inner-cynic says they should.
Let 'em suffer the colossal consequences of matrimony with the rest of us!
Think of all the money to be made by divorce attorneys! They say 50% of straight marriages don't make it. Statistically that means 50% of gay marriages won't make it either.
Since I live in Utah, I'm digging in dirt that's currently out of my jurisdiction. It's a squabble I cannot sample. I feel so left out.
Hot Topic #6 - Health Care. So bored of that one. I suggest, however, that you go visit a VA hospital to get a feel for government sanctioned health care. Next?
Hot Topic #7 - A minority will win. It'll be an African American President or a Female Vice President. How about two toots for that triumph.
Hot Topic #8 - Write in Candidates are in vogue. For example, the rabidrunner has coerced the neighbors into writing Spouse in for President. I belong in the White House.
Hot Topic #9 - Do baked goods count as a bribe? See number 8.