Sunday, August 10, 2008

A Valuable Lesson

August 10, 2008

I've learned a Valuable Lesson: Take care of your own crap before you meddle with other people's crap.

Here's how this little lesson (with a burly punch) came to be.

Numero Uno

As mentioned earlier, I'm reading one of the 827 biographies written on the great Albert Einstein. A couple of new facts came to light in the progress of its fourteen thousand and twelve pages. (It might take a while to color the story adequately so bare with me.)

In all of his genius Albert managed to impregnate his girlfriend, Mileva. Being as Albert was trying to find a job and acquire Swiss citizenship, he couldn't be bothered by the social ramifications to follow an illegitimate child. Albert shipped his lovely girlfriend to Hungary (with mom and dad) to have the child - a girl. The child was born and the fate of this child is still a mystery. Some say she was adopted, others say she died from scarlet fever at the age of 2.

After the scandal had dissipated, Albert married Mileva and later had two boys. To put it bluntly, Albert had eyes only for science and other women. He and Mileva would divorce, Albert would move to another country, and the boys were rarely considered. Months or even years would go by before the little ones would be graced with the presence of their genius father.

Albert was also a politically active pacifist. Isn't that funny? I'm active but I'm passive! He hated war and was active in his quest to end military force in any form. He also wanted a world government to rule and force the world to be peaceful (we won't elaborate on what type of pipe dream that is). Albert spent a great deal of energy and time tooting his my-political-views-are-the-greatest horn.

To this I say... "Albert. Save your own family before you take on the world."

Numero Dos

Ran a race yesterday. Oh I hear you now. Actually I see you now. Rolling your eyes and yawning and ready to check out. But hold on! This isn't really a story about running. This particular race (labeled the Jupiter Peak Steeplechase) was a 16 mile tour to the highest peak in Park City. Why did I do this? Not because I'm tough and all that but because I'm STUPID. Seriously. Why on earth did I do that? And why do I want to do it again?! (Okay so I lied - there's a bit of running in this story. But unlike other posts, this one actually has a point. Bare yourself and stay with me.)

The race was a mix of single tracks (an outdoor techy term for dirt trails that accommodate only one person across) and dirt access roads. The trails weave in and out of ski runs, ski lifts and abandoned mine shafts. Fascinating stuff. On the day of the Jupiter Peak Steeplechase, the route was marked with biodegradably blue spray-chalk. One rain storm and the markings are toast.

During my 3000 foot descent (which had to take place after the 3000 foot ascent)... I noticed a blue rock atop some college rule with scribbling on it. I passed the rock and its accoutrement and had to stop. It reeked of tree-hugging BO and patchouli oil. What did that paper say?! I delicately crouched (so that I could get back up after the crouch) and took note. It said, "PLEASE!!! STOP painting rocks!!"

To this I say, "START worrying about your litterbug problem before you save the ski resort (peppered with the blemishes of ski lifts, trails, silver mines, and now... temporarily painted rocks)!"

Numero Tres

John Edwards.

Need I say more? Nope. But I wanna. Oh how I wanna. OH HOW I GOTTA!

It appears as if John Edwards managed to father a child of illegitimate nobility while running for president and nursing his wife through chemotherapy.

To this I say, "John. If you can't take care of your family (or your family making member), forget about becoming the peace-making, economy-saving, global-warming savior of the US!"

Here's the lesson again: Take care of your own crap before you meddle with other people's crap.

If you find that you're going through some crap and I inadvertently neglect you (or your crap for that matter), please do not take offense. Just note that I'm taking care of my own (crap).

And speaking of my own... did you know the Olympics have a Women's 10 meter BB-Gun event? I could have been good at that.


tom lindsey said...

On "Numero Uno"-- The surprising thing to me is that WI (formerly of CNN and currently running the Aspen Institue) let AE's naive political view go un-challenged.

As far as AE's views on marital responsibilities perhaps Richard Dawkins's comments on sexual jealousy would provide a counter-point. I would provide you with a link but the article may offend some of your LDS audience.

Becca said...

On numero dos, my ears perked right up at the mention of running, so for at least a few of your loyal readers, you don't have to tune down your stories about running. After all, you are the one and only Rabid Runner!

On numeros uno-tres--I agree completely and thoroughly enjoyed everything you had to say. I only wish that I could figure out how to take care of my own crap so that I could be able to help take care of the crap of those I love. (And I'm not talking about the daily crap that is just part of motherhood.

Winder said...

I wish that more people would learn that lesson. Especially in-laws!