Monday, October 29, 2007

Politics and "Trunk" or Treating

When government provides a service it destroys the private sector (Sector 12? Sector 12? Come in Sector 12!) Today I will attempt to illustrate this point using the "Trunk" or Treat phase that's sweeping the nation. Okay, so maybe it's just sweeping my neighborhood. (I really wish however, that someone would sweep my garage instead.)

Anyway, here's how it works. Neighborhoods/church congregations designate a location. Those who wish to participate drive their cars to location, open their trunks and make themselves available to distribute candy. Kids dressed in costume go from trunk to trunk, saying something lame like "Trunk or Treat" then walk away with sweets. The whole process takes about 20 minutes.

Many people enjoy it. Parents love it because they don't have to drag their snot nosed blubbering children around the neighborhood. They also love it because it's "safe." (Whatever happened to the fear of razor blades in the loot? Come on! That's what Halloween is all about - FEAR! Well that and those fun bite sized O'Henry bars.) Kids love it because they are able to acquire 30 bucks worth of candy within a minimal time frame (that's a $90 an hour wage - tax free!)

If you wish to participate it's great for you. If you don't then you're stuck at home in a dark neighborhood listening to the theme from Psycho over and over while you anxiously wait for the bell to ring. And the kids? If they go door-to-door (like we used to way back when and heaven forbid we get some exercise), it's a never-ending stream of black door steps ('cept for Stu and Vera, they're the traditional wacky sort).

See how this is like government? If you remove the private sector (Sector 13! Sector 13! Do you read me Sector 13?!) you have no choice. You can do what everyone else is doing or choose not to participate. Wouldn't it be great if we all had the same health care?! Fun! All the doctors could designate a location and a service. And we could go from doctor trunk to doctor trunk getting our loot. We'd be done in 20 minutes.

You could rummage the village for the private traditional doctors, but then you might end up with some quack like Stu or Vera.


Aaron said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Vera said...

We at the Pidasso household like to think of Halloween as a bizzare version of Duck-Duck-Goose!
Heath Bar-Crunch Bar-Razor Blade!
Quack, Quack!

Brooklet said...

Our ward thankfully has the trunk or treat on a differnet night then halloween, so we can two night worth of candy for a hyper three year old and she can still collect those razor blades the old fashion way.

Winder said...

Maybe we should just put the schools in charge. That way the parents wouldn't be responsible for it at all. Isn't that why teachers get paid?

Vera said...

Now Winder.....Haven't we talked about this?

The McMillans said...

We from the West-side like to live up to our stereotypes. Razor blades and hypodermic needles went out in the eighties. None of those things can be slipped easily into candy without upon the parent's inspection catching. This year...just wait to see what your little one will find laced over his tootsie roll.


rabidrunner said...

I'd lobby strategically to be picked "Goose" at the Pidasso house of Whorers.

In regards to the tootsie rolls, is it poo from your neighbor's dog? I know you have plenty of it.

The McMillans said...

NO, Crystal meth, I have been going to walmart a lot lately. Most of my doctors are like the pidasso's, and can't do anything unless my insurance tells them they can first. What does that fit under? They can't use specific treatment unless they get clearance from my insurance. Maybe, I should just quit my job and get medicaid.