Friday, June 01, 2007

Door to Door Sales Persons

6/1/07

I have a sign on my door that says “NO SOLICITING,” but somehow the cleaning solution people, the refinance your mortgage people, the security system people and the poor newspaper boy cannot read it. Maybe they can’t read it or maybe they don’t quite understand that the “NO SOLICITING” sign means – Listen Sister Christian, don’t ring the door bell, don’t waste oxygen on your schpill because we are stingy and we won’t buy your whatever.

For the benefit of the community, I’ve decided to come up with 10 things that you can tell unwanted (are any of them wanted?) Some have been used.

1) I’ve got hats in the dryer.
2) My dad sells this stuff and I’m loyal to my family (this one actually works well).
3) I do customer support and OH! can't you hear the phone ring?
4) Will it cure (insert your favorite ailment – Gout, Gone to Korea, toenail fungus)?
5) Does that come with ammunition for my 708 Wism?
6) Spouse won’t let me and he controls everything he’s so mean.
7) We’re unemployed and we have cancer.
8) I’m cooking meth.
9) Pretend you’re schizophrenic and have a conversation with your other twin about whether or not you should buy it (this one is particularly easy for me).

And Finally…

Go to Stu and Vera’s house. They’ll buy anything.

6 comments:

The McMillans said...

will they buy my prius? :)

rabidrunner said...

Doubtful... they like to buy gas.

Stu Pidasso said...

Nope. Won't either buy anything.
Won't buy copper rain hat.
Won't buy a white hooker with a black wig.
Won't buy a polish target pistol, even if it was only used once.
Won't buy the theory of a war on terrorisim.
I have a hard time buying organized religion.
Won't buy the notion that just because you have a piece of paper on yor wall saying you're smart that you are.
The Prius intrigues me, especially if it has a 6" lift and 37" mudders.
Got to go, there's someone at the door selling something.

Mandee said...

I always use #6, and then Aaron comes home and buys it. I am going to try #7 next time.

James said...

I would add one more suggestion. If it is the Jehovah Witnesses or the kids from the High School Band, answer the door naked. Works for me every time.

J.F.

rabidrunner said...

Unless of course they ask if you want some soft pretzels to go with that!