I have a sign on my door that says “NO SOLICITING,” but somehow the cleaning solution people, the refinance your mortgage people, the security system people and the poor newspaper boy cannot read it. Maybe they can’t read it or maybe they don’t quite understand that the “NO SOLICITING” sign means – Listen Sister Christian, don’t ring the door bell, don’t waste oxygen on your schpill because we are stingy and we won’t buy your whatever.
For the benefit of the community, I’ve decided to come up with 10 things that you can tell unwanted (are any of them wanted?) Some have been used.
1) I’ve got hats in the dryer.
2) My dad sells this stuff and I’m loyal to my family (this one actually works well).
3) I do customer support and OH! can't you hear the phone ring?
4) Will it cure (insert your favorite ailment – Gout, Gone to Korea, toenail fungus)?
5) Does that come with ammunition for my 708 Wism?
6) Spouse won’t let me and he controls everything he’s so mean.
7) We’re unemployed and we have cancer.
8) I’m cooking meth.
9) Pretend you’re schizophrenic and have a conversation with your other twin about whether or not you should buy it (this one is particularly easy for me).
Go to Stu and Vera’s house. They’ll buy anything.