A while ago, I remember hearing some celebrity refer to ownership of ridiculous amounts of money as having “Giraffe Money.” (Said celebrity must have been interesting and very famous because I don’t exactly remember WHO). The idea is that these are the people who can afford to have giraffes as pets. Most of us are stuck with Labrador or Beagle money. There are a few who have rare exotic bird or banana snake money, but the rest of us have cheap breed or mutt money.
Many a night I lie beneath the stars and ponder the things I’d do (emphasis on DO not BUY, speaking of buy – Amazon came today!) with Giraffe Money. Here’s a few…
- Buy a fancy dress and matching hat for the Winder and I to wear to the Kentucky Derby whereby we’d sip non-alcoholic mint juleps. We should have fancy white gloves for all of that hand shaking.
- Complete a worldwide tour-de-roller coasters.
- Budget $10,000 yearly for April Fool’s pranks.
- Take a ride on one of those zero gravity planes.
- Buy an apartment building and charge rent. Then at the end of the year, give the tenants their money back and send ‘em off to buy a new house! I’d need to sell the apartment building then buy another one after that (using my other name - Joan Jett) ‘cause every free-loader in the country would be wanting in!
- Fly my running buddies to New York to run the marathon.
- Pay for cleft palette surgery for every last child born with one.
- Take Vera to Lollapalooza every year (viva Chicago!)
- Invent a new GPS running watch... Garmin, you suck but there's no alternative!
- Ride dune buggies then ski indoors in Dubai.
- Follow the Tour de France. (As opposed to listening to the comments of Al Trautwig and Bob Roll and Phil Ligget and Mark what’s his name).
- Speaking of Mark, take guitar lessons from Mark Knopfler.
- Photograph large animals in Africa whilest the sun is setting and the wind is blowing. (There’s nothing like a fierce lion under a sunset with that mane blowing everywheres. Or the way the wind makes elephants look just “so.” I’ll pay for Stu to come too so that he can protect me with his new birthday present.)
- Pay for an Oingo Boingo reunion. Or better yet, lemme watch Danny Elfman when he’s creating music for his next movie.
- Send Spouse to hunt creatures in New Zealand during the summer months of course so that I can ski (the seasons are switched down under, you know).
- Watch Annie Leibowitz in action. If you need to know who Annie Leibowitz is - then well you don’t deserve to know who she is.
- Attend the summer and winter Olympics.
- Run a marathon in a different country every year.
- Find a cure for arther-itis.
- Leave the country during the World Series and maybe March Madness too (that's for you Jay).
The list is endless….