April is a delightful month. It has April Fool's Day. It’s full of rain and snow and hot days. It’s full of spring fever. It’s the month in which taxes are due. It pretty much has everything, including the birthdays of Vera and Stu (isn’t it funny how most people use a blog to talk on and on about their kids while I talk on and on about my goofy neighbors?) See Vera’s birthday is the 25th and Stu’s birthday is the 27th. Spouse and I have a similar birthday arrangement. My birthday is the 20th and Spouse’s birthday is the 23rd (I’m not going say which month because then you all would know my zodiac sign and quite frankly that would reveal too much about me). Anyway, Spouse and I have birthdays in close proximity as well and this is why we’re neighbors (you know it’s one of those gated community things where the “covenants” of the community state specifically that you must be married and have your birthdays within days of each other… days being under 7).
Why are the birthdays of Stu and Vera so significant that I would spend time out of my busy day writing about it? Because each year, the two of them attempt viciously to one-up each other and wow it’s fun to watch (this is where I came to realize the more-money-than-sense characteristic of the two – see “Insanely Jealous”).
I cannot exactly recall the one-up-manship of the years, but it usually goes like this… Stu buys this - then Vera buys THAT. The next year, Stu will cheat and give her a THAT two days early so as Vera can get a head start over the next THIS. As we all know by now, Stu gave Vera an Infinity G35 a week ago, 10 days early. Vera, even with the extra time, you aren't going to one-up that! Unless of course you give him a month’s worth of lap dances.
See, that’s the beauty of my mediocre taxes-in-the-basement income. One of us doesn’t have the means to play the one-up game (see “means” are good even though they sound “mean”). Spouse can give me a Saturn this year for my birthday and in turn I can give him a Pluto (it’s not a planet anymore so I can get it on sale).