Thursday, December 28, 2006

Politics and Beauty Pageants

December 28, 2006

It has been brought to my attention that beauty pageants and politics are basically the same thing. Well… not really. But the real coincidence lies in the fact that politicians and beauty queens are the same. Here’s why:

  • Looking good is the only thing required to win.
  • Power and money are their main aspirations.
  • They both require sponsorship in order to make money.
  • In a sense they aren’t offering any good or service. “Just give me money for being ME!”
  • When asked critical questions, their responses are flowered with large words and metaphors that don’t mean crap.
  • Most of them have that dumb southern draaaawl.
  • Their careers are not hindered by controversy - in fact their careers are strengthened by controversy.
  • They both have mastered the art of telling you what they think you want to hear, not what they think. Do they think?

Anyway, I’m probably just jealous cause I don’t have big tits or interns of my own.

Wednesday, December 06, 2006

I'm a Purist for Impurity

December 6, 2006

I've decided that if you are going to broadcast your cause on national television, you'd better be pure in said cause. What do I mean by this, you ask? (As if I'm not used to being questioned!) It's simple, really. If you are going to announce that your current cause is the extortion of the diamond trade, you'd better not have purchased any diamonds, or borrowed any diamonds, or had them put in your teeth. You can't buy diamonds for anyone else either.

My cause is to be a Purist for Impurity. That way I can say what I want and know that no one can call me on anything because I’m Impure in my Purist Cause and therefore I’m a Purist. It’s the ultimate back door escape for any soap box argument.